We would like to believe that of the nearly 800,000 hits* Promethean Times receives daily, each is a reader who set out specifically to find us. Of course, this is sometimes not the case.
Here are some of the keywords (noted by boldface) used by folks whom we suspect–and in one or two cases, hope–found us by accident.
small black actor died We can do that.
gary coleman death pictures He was a beautiful human being, and now he’s gone. What the hell is wrong with you people?
lindsay lohan child pics We’re hoping you mean stills from her films. We can help you here and here. But if that’s not what you mean, maybe this is more your speed, Creepo.
Morris the Cat baseball We couldn’t help this guy out, but we’re just glad somebody read Smaktakula’s piece on Morris.
K2 We can do that.
huffing And that.
choking game That too.
somali pirates We can do that.
freshy somalis Um.
backwater shithole We can do that.
proud herpes There’s a proud kind? Damn. Smaktakula kinda wishes he hadn’t rushed out and bought the shameful kind.
difference between a midget and a dwarf You got us. Try Wikipedia, Asshat.
bush pukes on japanese We can do that.
lesbian lactating Ew. We don’t do that. Please return to the fetid basement apartment from which you came.
kim jong il sad Try Thinksquad. Those crazy bastards are fucking with the Dear Leader as we speak.
dirty russian Hmm. Hope you were looking for our pal, Grigori.
shannon price evil And a cooze!
pictures mexican children No, however we are in possession of some awesome nude shots of your mom. Inquire for purchase.
what are the pathos at walmart Damn, Confucius, we could meditate on that Zen koan for years. In the meantime, try this.
fuck off marijuana Indeed. And take the hippies with you!
charlie sheen first amendment It’s true that Mr. Sheen is a first-rate legal scholar, but we examine other aspects of the Sheen Mystique here and here.
is milton bradley crazy Yes, he is.
giant playground-mcdonalds Were we able to help you?
indian sniper We can do that.
man fuck a horse Your mother must be very proud.
*Note: This figure may not correspond with reality.