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Category Archives: Constitutional Issues

Pissing Away Money Is The New National Pastime

16 Friday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Baseball, Constitutional Issues, Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, National Events, Political Correctness, Politics, Sports, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Barack Obama, Barry Bonds, Barry Obama, chaw, chewing tobacco, congress, dip, douchebaggery, government waste, grandstanding, Jerry Springer, MLB, National Pastime, pissing away money, profligate spending, Rep. Frank Pallone, smoking Obama, snuff, spit, tobacco

A Douche Against Dip: A Lot Like Jerry Springer, But With Less Dignity

  

Apparently taking to heart the concept of America spending its way out of recession, a NJ congressman is calling for a hearing regarding the use of tobacco Major League Baseball.         

Rep. Frank Pallone (D-N.J.), who helms the energy and commerce health subcommittee, said that the practice provides a poor example to young people who are baseball fans.         

 

The disastrous effect seeing a handful of athletes engage in a disgusting habit might have on America’s impressionable children aside, it’s not clear why the grandstanding representative thinks the government should have any say regarding the use of a legal product by adults.         

Now it might be different if the baseball players drew their salaries from the public dime, like this guy:       

No, I Said Barry BONDS Shouldn't Smoke.

Won’t Somebody Please Think Of The Children!?!: Congressman to hold hearing into baseball and chewing tobacco.

It’s April 15th–Don’t Forget To Pay The Man

15 Thursday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Humor, Movies, National Events, Politics, Prison Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

April 15th, audits, bully, bullying, Deliverance, Eeeeeeee!, income tax, Internal Revenue Service, IRS, Ned Beatty, squeal like a pig, Tax Day, you got a real purty mouth

This Man's Tax Rate Makes Him Squeal

Marijuana Legalization Will Transform Humboldt Into Appalachia

30 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, National Events, Plantlife, Politics, Regional Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

ballot measure, California, California marijuana initiative, cannabis, cannabis cowboys, dope, drug legalization, ganja, grass, hemp, Humboldt County, illicit shadow industry, legalize it, marijuana, marijuana legalization, outlaw growers, pot, reefer, sweet sweet cheeba, weed, Zig-Zags, Ziploc

By Smaktakula

In the debate over California’s upcoming ballot measure to legalize marijuana, Promethean Times has heretofore resisted editorializing so that the electorate might arrive at its own decision in November.  However, the discourse has done little to educate voters, and instead has achieved the converse: leaving them confused and angry about what may very well be the defining issue of our times.  This imperative makes clear the mandate that Promethean Times, as a long-trusted source of clear and accurate information, make known its stand on this very important issue.                            

Promethean Times does NOT support the effort to legalize marijuana in California.  America’s stoners have been duped: decriminalizing cannabis is nothing more than a smokescreen for a concerted attack on vital American industries.  Unfortunately, hemp-heads don’t have much time to think about these things, electing to preserve their attenuated attention spans for an Aqua Teen Hunger Force mini-marathon.                            

By Any Means Necessary: These Hippies Don't Care Who Gets Hurt As Long As Reefer Is Legal

Voters are already well-acquainted with legalization’s most obvious dangers: increased crime and urban blight in the form of  such scenarios as pot smokers robbing local businesses at gunpoint to support their habit, women selling themselves for as little as a dime bag, and formerly pristine streets of mainstream America festooned with Ziplocs and Zig-Zags.  Moreover, anti-weed activists speak ominously of a critical snacks and munchies shortfall–the stoner’s equivalent of a “Perfect Storm.”  If America found itself in the throes of a CSMS during a national event such as the Super Bowl or Final Idol, the effect upon the nation would be both immediate and calamitous.                      

As bad as those things are, they fail to take into account a hitherto undiscussed result of marijuana legalization: the effect legalization will have on outlaw marijuana growers.   These cannabis cowboys fear that legalization will not only prove the death knell for a once-thriving industry, but also for a time-honored and cherished way of life.                         

Ghosts Of Prohibition: "T'warn't Revenuers Whut Den Dis Tuh Meh, But Ta Ruhpeel Uh Ta Eighteenth Menment. That'n Inbreeden."

The growers are right to be worried.  If pot is legalized, the high quality marijuana which currently is grown in remote places like Humboldt County, California, will be available in areas of the state which up to now have been forced to settle for shwag or Mexican dirtweed.  Within months of legalization places like Humboldt County will more closely resemble Harlan County, Kentucky than their former selves.                     

But the grim toll of legalization does not end with the outlaw growers and their families.  Also affected are the businesses, often local, which provide the materials for the illegal grow operation: fertilizer & feed stores, horticulture supply stores, as well as companies manufacturing steel-jaw traps for catching poachers, lawmen and unlucky hikers.                            

What effect will legalization have on local peace officers?  Much like tips are to servers, local law enforcement officers feed their families with the bribe money they receive from growers.  Similarly, the need to use thousands upon thousands of  man hours in the effort to interdict a tiny portion of the drug trade helps DEA agents pay their mortgages.  How will California voters explain to the families of these law enforcement officers that because they can’t shake their jones for the sweet, sweet cheeba, there won’t be any Christmas this year–or ever again?                            

Legalization will be harmful enough within the borders of California, but will metastasize beyond the borders even of the nation.  With the loss of the illegal marijuana trade, the Mexican drug cartels will be forced to rely solely on the enormous profits they derive from the sale of methamphetamine, cocaine and heroin, as well as the lucrative human-smuggling market.  It’s easy to see the human face of marijuana legalization when one considers that the average Mexican narco-enforcer has 7 children to feed.                            

The Hidden Victims Of Legalization: Bribe Money Keeps His Daughter In Catholic School

In November, California voters will be presented with an historic opportunity–the chance stand arm-in-arm with the hard-working men and women toiling in America’s illicit shadow industries, to advocate on behalf of  La Familia hitmen and the Federales they bribe,  and to support the legal industries which help support illegal grow operations–by voting NO on marijuana legalization.   Americans are best served by restricting their indulgences to safe and legal products such as alcohol or tobacco.  

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The Legalization Question

25 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Health, National Events, National Politics, Plantlife, Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

ballot box, California, California marijuana initiative, cannabis, doobage, dope, drug legalization, ganja, grass, hemp, legalize it, marijuana, marijuana legalization, pot, reefer, sweet sweet cheeba, the initiative, Tommy Chong, weed

California voters will have the opportunity in November to legalize marijuana through the ballot box.  Cannabis legalization is a complicated and contentious issue, requiring every voter to search his or her own soul.  There are no easy answers.   

Promethean Times will not attempt to influence popular opinion by revealing our stand on this hot-button issue.  We recommend instead that the public seek an unbiased opinion about the pros and cons of marijuana legalization from experts such as this distinguished gentleman:   

Tommy Chong: Leaning Toward A Yes Vote

 
Smaktakula

Biden’s Latest Gaffe Actually Endearing

24 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, General Foolishness, National Events, National Politics, People, Politics

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Barack Obama, Biden being Biden, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Obama Adminstration, This is a big f****** deal, This is a big fucking deal, Vice President Biden

Not realizing his comments would be overheard by the media there to cover the signing of the health-care bill, Vice President Joe Biden gushed to his boss, “This is a big fucking deal.”

This is an entirely apt statement, and uncannily accurate for Biden: the big deal is that the government does the fucking; the American people don’t have to do anything more than look back over their shoulders and watch. 

Still, as far as Biden-being-Biden goes, this statement is pretty innocuous.  It’s not like when he said Hillary Clinton would have been a better choice as VP or that Obama was the “first mainstream African-American who is articulate and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

As a refreshing counterpoint to the braying triumphalism of harridan Nancy Pelosi, Biden’s gee-whiz enthusiasm seems genuine, infectious and forgivable.  Someone get that VP a puppy!

Biden Has A Potty Mouth: Vice President Joe Biden embraces health care bill signing with profane term – latimes.com.

Smaktakula

Rhode Island Asshat Hangs President In Effigy

19 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, General Foolishness, National Events, National Politics, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

asshat, Barack Obama, Central Falls, douchebaggery, fired teacher, Frances Gallo, fucknugget, George W. Bush, hate crime, jackassery, No Child Left Behind, president hanged in effigy, president hung in effigy, racist, Rhode Island, Rhode Island teacher, teachers, teachers union, The Elementary and Secondary Education Act

President Obama appears to like George W. Bush’s odious “No Child Left Behind,” a policy which for years now has been ensuring that No Child Gets Ahead.   A name change–“The Elementary And Secondary Education Act”–and a few tweaks, allow the current president to continue to revile the former chief executive while himself continuing those once-reviled policies (see also: Victory in Iraq, Obama and).

One fired Rhode Island teacher was particularly displeased with Obama’s education agenda.   And did this gentleman display his displeasure in a manner which would not only make his point, but do it in a gentle and poignant way, one hopefully which wouldn’t cast those opposed to Obameducation (formerly Bushedjumication) as fringey lunatics?

He did not.  He hanged the President in effigy.

He.  Hanged.  The.  President.  In.  Effigy.  That’s a great way to rally people to your cause– if the people you want to attract wear tinfoil over their heads and obsess about fluoridation.

Nice going, fucknugget.

Kudos to the Washington Post for not mentioning the words “racist” or “hate crime.”  They’ll most likely include them in tomorrow’s edition.

Check out this guy’s dickhead move: Obama effigy hung at RI school with fired teachers – washingtonpost.com.

Smaktakula

Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct

18 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, General Foolishness, Justice, Prison Culture, Relationships, Scandal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ACLU, chutzpah, don't drop the soap, female prison guards, Fox news, magnificent bastard, Michael Murphy, Montana State Prison, prison sex, sex in prison, sex with inmates, sex with prisoners, sexual misconduct, shower assault, you got a real purty mouth

You came for the headline, stay for the article.

This piece from Fox News is somewhat counterintuitive in that it alleges that female guards commit more sex acts with male inmates than do male guards with female inmates.

I know, right?

Perhaps even more compelling is the story of Michael Murphy, the Montana inmate who had sex with at least five prison employees, including his therapist.  Murphy told the ACLU that he had been sexually assaulted by the five women, demonstrating a phenomenal level of chutzpah in addition to his undeniable sexual magnetism. 

Promethean Times salutes Michael Murphy.  God speed, you magnificent bastard!

Michael Murphy (Artist's Conception)

Apparently Prison Sex Isn’t All About Getting Raped In The Shower: Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct – Local News Articles | National News | US News – FOXNews.com

Smaktakula

ESPN: Public Input Period For Federal Fishery Strategy Has Ended

11 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Critters, Culture, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Sports

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

conservation, Council on Environmental Equality, environmentalism, ESPN, ESPNOutdoors.com, Federal Fishery Strategy, fishing industry, Obama Administration, Robert Montgomery, sportfishing, Steve Bowman

It comes as something of a shock that an ESPN political piece arising from the world of sportfishing should arouse any controversy, let alone the amount it has.

Also notable is Executive Editor of ESPNOutdoors.com Steve Bowman’s pusillanimous missive reminding readers that this is an opinion piece.  Opinions–as people with ridiculously long titles already know, but you probably don’t–are subjective, and not stone-cold facts like those published in many of America’s fine newspapers.

Don’t Forget That’s It’s Just An Opinion When You Read: Public input period for federal fishery strategy has ended – ESPN.

Smaktakula

Slain Wrestling Star’s Family Can Sue Hustler Over Nude Photos

04 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Drugs, Justice, National Events, Reality Television, Sports, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

14th Amendment, 1st Amendment, anabolic steroids, Chris Benoit, First Amendment, Fourteenth Amendment, Hustler, Larry Flynt, Mark Samansky, murder-suicide, Nancy Benoit, nude photos, pornography, slain wrestling star, wrestler

Cretinous pornographer Larry Flynt’s publication, already an unlikely champion of the 1st Amendment, finds itself embroiled in another constitutional issue.

I’m no lawyer–you’ll have to decide for yourselves who’s in the right. 

What I do know is that if the pictures weren’t good enough to find their way into Flynt’s protien-plastered gash gallery before the unfortunate woman’s murder, a horrible death won’t make them any sexier.

Read the story that’s brimming with ick: Justices: Slain wrestling star’s family can sue Hustler over nude pics – CNN.com.

Smaktakula

Johnny Depp To Make Rare Television Appearance For West Memphis Three

26 Friday Feb 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, Justice, National Events, People, Religion, Television

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Arkansas, Damien Echols, Dixie Chicks, Eddie Vedder, Jason Baldwin, Johnny Depp, Paradise Lost 2: Revelations, Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills, Robin Hood Murders, West Memphis 3, West Memphis Three, Winona Ryder, WM3

By Smaktakula

Johnny Depp will be lending his talents to the CBS show 48 Hours on Saturday, making a rare return to television to bring attention to the West Memphis Three.

A star’s involvement with a cause does little to sway me to the rightness of said cause.  This is true even with actors and actress whom I like and admire, as many celebrities seem to mistake their fame for correctness.  For this reason, I would normally be suspicious of a show featuring Depp, Eddie Vedder, the Dixie Chicks and noted shoplifter-cum-actress, Winona Ryder.  However, I have been following the story of the West Memphis Three for years, and for a number of reasons, it resonates deeply with me.  Despite the attention this case has received over the years, including two outstanding HBO documentaries (Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills and Paradise Lost 2: Revelations), it still has yet to tickle the greater conscience of the American people, and an injustice remains fully unaddressed.

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