05 Monday Sep 2011
A day set aside to honor America’s fallen warriors or her tireless and honest workers–we have a real hard time remembering which, as we have never been either a solider or gainfully employed for more than a three-month stretch.
Show your friends, co-workers and even total strangers that you haven’t forgotten by making a purchase in one of our many fine retail outlets.
Somehow This Image Sums Up Beautifully Everything We Had To Say. Don't Ever Change, America!
14 Thursday Jul 2011
Tags
1789, Bastille Day, France, French Revolution, July 14, Louis XVI, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, Storming of the Bastille, the French, the French people's love of stinky things, true meanings of holidays
Celebrating that day in 1789 when the French people rose as one to protest Louis XVI’s hated mandatory bathing protocols.
If It Smells Good, It Didn't Come From France.
30 Monday May 2011
Tags
French's mustard, holidays, Memorial Day, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, true meanings of holidays
On which some grilled and others shopped.
He Honors America's Fallen By Refusing To Use French's Mustard On The Dogs.
08 Sunday May 2011
Posted in Culture
STILL MISS YOU.
24 Sunday Apr 2011
Take A Few Moments During The Holiday To Remember The Victims Of Easter Violence.
17 Thursday Mar 2011
Tags
alcohol abuse, drunken Irishmen, holidays, Irish people, Jameson, Smaktakula's alcoholic nationalism, St. Patrick'd Day, true meanings of holidays, W.B. Yeats
Erin Go Bragh!
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?
W.B. Yeats
Brought To You By Jameson Whiskey. Keeping The Earth Safe From Irish Global Domination For 230 Years.
14 Monday Feb 2011
Tags
Buy stuff!, consumerism, February 14, greeting cards, Hallmark Cards, Hallmark Holidays, happy couples, holidays, inadequacy, loneliness, love, manipulative advertising, money, true meanings of holidays, unconditional love, useless crap, Valentine's Day
It’s Valentine’s Day. If you’re not spending money on your valentine, you’re not showing your love.
If you don’t have a valentine, there’s something wrong with you.
Because Love Isn't Free.
Brought to you by your friends at Hallmark Cards. We’ve been making you feel inadequate for 100 years.
24 Friday Dec 2010
Tags
Christmas, consumerism, greed, Happy Holidays, holidays, Merry Christmas!, Merry Messiah, presents, Santa Claus, Scarlet Savior, the War on Christmas, true meanings of holidays
And To The East They Saw A Star Burning In The Heavens, And All Who Followed That Star Found Some Great Deals At Target.
It’s easy to get swept up in the holidays during this time of the year: frantic shopping excursions boiling with unwashed humanity; uncomfortable family gatherings in which the introduction of alcohol turns awkwardness to acrimony as if by magic; gifts so shitty that no mentally competent adult could possibly enjoy them. This is what we look forward to eleven months out of the year.
Getting Shitty Drunk Is The Only Way Dad Can Face The Prospect Of Another Year With You People.
As difficult as it can sometimes be, it’s a good idea to pause and take a long, reflective look at Christmas, meditating not only upon the meaning of this very special holiday, but also on its significance within our own lives. The latter answer will vary depending upon the speaker.
It's Not Really Christmas Until Cousin Becky Gets Weepy.
As to the former–the meaning behind the gift-giving, tinsel and tree–the answer is not nearly so subjective, but every bit as significant. Although known to every man, woman and child across Christendom, it is worth remembering that when we celebrate Christmas, we are really celebrating the birth of that Scarlet Savior and Merry Messiah–Santa, from Whom all gifts flow.
Santa Doesn't "Require" Human Sacrifice In The Same Way You Don't "Require" Nice Presents.
25 Thursday Nov 2010
Tags
bald eagle, Benjamin Franklin, Chief Wahoo, Dallas Cowboys, eagles, football, hindsight is 20/20, Indians, national symbol, Native Americans, Thanksgiving, the first Thanksgiving, true meanings of holidays, turkeys, United States of America
Benjamin Franklin Played Many Roles: Inventor, Founding Father and World-Class Skonk. Understandably, He's Not So Much Remembered For The Turkey Thing.
If Founding Father Benjamin Franklin had his way, the role of turkeys in American society might be very different. In writing a letter to his daughter, Franklin lamented that the eagle, rather than the turkey, was the new symbol of the young nation.
Comparing the turkey to the eagle, Franklin said:
“For the truth the Turkey is in comparison a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America.”
Hell No, Those Aren't Tumors! That's His Natural Beauty.
Had Franklin been more forceful, the turkey might today be the symbol of the United States. Who knows? In such a scenario, it’s likely that American’s would no longer find appetizing the thought of a turkey’s charred carcass, and instead might enjoy a traditional bald eagle egg omelette.
"The Very First Thanksgiving Was A Pivotal Moment For My People, One We Could Not Have Foreseen. Looking Back, Perhaps We Should Have Let The Newcomers Starve."
"YA THINK?"
05 Friday Nov 2010
Posted in History
Tags
England, Gunpowder Plot, Gunpowder Treason, Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes Night, home-grown terrorism, London, November 5th, Parliament, penny for the Guy?, protoIslamofascism, remember remember the Fifth of November, Terrorism, this day in history, traitor, treachery, treason, true meanings of holidays, V For Vendetta
Fawkes' Original Plan Was To Strike The Houses Of Parliament With "A Flyeing Contrapshun Of Some Varietee, Laden With Elyxirs Both Incendiaree And Caustic."
Promethean Times 