Airbus, Alfred Hitchcock, badassery, Birds of a Feather, Blame Canada!, Bush Doctrine, Canada, Canadian geese, Chesley Sullenberger, competence, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., four legs good, geese, hero pilot, heroism, La Guardia, New York, North Carolina, pro-avian agenda, suicide attack, Sully, Sully Sullenberger, Terrorism, The Birds, two legs bad, US Airways Flight 1549
Note: This is the third installment in our ongoing environmental series, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does. The previous installments are SHAMU Sleeper Agent Wreaks Havoc At Florida Amusement Park and Super-Intelligent Stalker Sharks Plotting Bloody ‘Dorsal Dawn.’
At 3:27 PM on January 15th, 2009 a catastrophe was averted by inches. Shortly after US Airways Flight 1549 took off from La Guardia International in New York en route to North Carolina’s Charlotte/Douglas, several geese managed to bring down the Airbus A320 by flying simultaneously into both of the aircraft’s engines.
Levelheadedness and expertise were the only things standing between Flight 1549 and a cataclysmic, horrorshow ending in the steel canyons of New York City. Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, aided by his ice-nerved co-pilot and well-trained crew, was able to wrestle the dying plane into the Hudson River. Miraculously, all 155 humans on board Flight 1549 survived.
It is fitting and proper that the focus of this incident remain on the lives saved in the face of such impossible odds. However, that does not excuse turning a blind eye to the fact that several geese–for reasons yet unknown–took out a massive passenger plane with an intricately planned and precisely executed suicide attack that very nearly cost 155 innocent people their lives. Yet no one is asking, “Why did this happen?”
The exact number of geese involved in taking down Flight 1549 has never been determined. All the geese who participated in the attack are believed to have perished. However, witnesses reported seeing a flock fleeing the scene in the seconds after the attack. To date, not one of these geese has been apprehended.
There have been some troubling indications that a foreign power may be involved. Almost all witnesses reported that both the attacking geese and those seen fleeing the scene were Canadian Geese. The FAA claimed to have no knowledge of any scheduled flock along that air route. The fact remains that several Canadian Geese were flying in American airspace, something no one disputes. And yet you hear nothing about this from conventional media outlets, particularly those in areas sharing a border with our “friends” to the north.
There was a time when the beak-and-feather set had a healthy respect for humanity. These birds of yesteryear would have to be content with expressing their displeasure through a well-timed bowel movement. Their descendants are proving not nearly so patient.
That these birds can strike any plane at any time should terrify all of humanity. That it does not is an indication of just how far the pro-avian media has pushed its “Birds of a Feather” campaign. Recently, there have been attempts by several school districts to ban Alfred Hitchcock’s award-winning documentary, The Birds.
The air-travelling public is left with two choices. The first, an initially more painful: a return to the Bush Doctrine with regards to America’s growing Avian-Aquatic Mammal-Shark problem, and hunt these beasts down where they hide–hunt them down like dogs! . . . dogs that fly or swim.
The second choice is to not make a choice at all. To continue with feel-good featherist policies–to bury our heads in the sand, in the parlance of our avian enemy–is to sign our death warrant as a species. As we speak the avian menace has the capacity to take out any aircraft–private, commercial or military–anywhere in the world. Don’t think they won’t do it.