alcohol abuse, Anti-Defamation League of the B'nai B'rith, Arabs, Atlanta, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, Billy Beer, Billy Carter, celebarrassments, death by pancreatic cancer, down syndrome, down's syndrome, Georgia, Iranian Hostage Crisis, Jews, Jimmy Carter, Mark Thatcher, methamphetamine, Muammar al-Gaddafi, pancreatic cancer, President Carter, President Clinton, Redneck Power!, Roger Clinton, Ronald Reagan, Schlitz, slackjawed halfwits, Ted Kennedy, Twins, William Alton Carter III, Zeituni Onyango
“The Embryo split in two, but it didn’t split equally. All the purity and strength went into Julius. All the crap that was left over went into what you see in the mirror every morning.”
There is one man beside whom all other celebarrasments* pale in comparison, an iconic vision of wasted genes to whom the likes of Roger Clinton, Zeituni Onyango and Mark Thatcher must all take a back seat. Billy Carter was the alpha and omega of cringeworthy relations.
Although James Earl Carter was very nearly a Rhodes Scholar, little brother Billy had trouble simply walking upright. Where the elder Carter boy tended to be precise and methodical, Billy was full of alcohol-fueled bombast. Billy stuck to Jimmy like gum on a tennis shoe until late in the beleaguered Carter Presidency, when facing a primary challenge from party loyalist Ted Kennedy, Jimmy was forced to denounce his brother.
Until then, however, Billy was able to wreak all manner of mischief. His disastrous sponsorship of Billy Beer only highlighted his pitiable alcoholism. Likewise, pissing on the tarmac of the Atlanta airport in full sight of the press while awaiting the arrival a Libyan cohort from whose terror-funding government he took a variety of gifts and payments did little to help his brother’s malaise-ridden presidency.
The Anti-Defamation League of the B’nai B’rith called out Billy for his unseemly relationship with Col. Muammar al-Gaddafi, but the slack-jawed redneck wasn’t concerned. Said Billy sagely, “All I can say is there is a hell of a lot more Arabs than there is Jews.”
Although Billy Carter would live until pancreatic cancer claimed him at the age of 51 in 1988, in many ways he died on January 20th, 1981 as Ronald Reagan took office. It was as if after a dismal economy, the 444-day hostage crisis and an electoral beatdown at the hands of Reagan, Jimmy Carter’s presidential legacy was already in tatters, and there was nothing left for Billy to do.