15 Sunday Feb 2015
Posted in Stupidity, True-Ass Tales
Tags
abject apologies, charity, douchebaggery, homeless people, making amends, mea culpa, Memphis, mistaken identity, sorry, Tardsie's True-Ass Tales, Tennessee, Why am I so stupid?
In which amends cannot be made.
16 Monday Jan 2012
Tags
bravery, Catholic Church, civil rights, civil rights leaders, don't know much about history, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr., Martin Luther King Sr., Memphis, mistaken identity, non-violence, outright lies, Reformation, Tennessee
"Everything That We See Is A Shadow Cast By That Which We Do Not See."
Forty-plus years after his slaying in Memphis, Tennessee, Martin Luther King, Jr. remains a beloved figure not only in the United States of America, but throughout the entire world. His courage, moral example and dedication to non-violence catalyzed the civil rights movement to a degree that cannot be underestimated, and proved stronger even than the will of governments. The lives of millions were transformed through Dr. King’s efforts.
He should not, however, be confused with the similarly-named German priest whose protest against the Catholic Church catapulted Protestantism to its current position among the great religions of the world. That was King’s father, Martin Luther King, Sr.
No, It Doesn't Make Much Sense To Us, Either. But You Can't Argue With History.
06 Friday Jan 2012
Tags
bikini area, Bush, Cudjoe Key, death by Smurf, Deep South, douchebaggery, drunken Irishmen, Erica Wilson, floozies, Florida, fucking idiots, Galway, Galwegians, Guinness, incarceration, incest, Jameson, Jesse Brooks, Megan Barnes, morons, Papa Smurf, Portrush, Rogersville, Rosslare Harbour, skankery, skanks, Smurf cum, stupid people, Tennessee, Why am I so crazy?, Why am I so stupid?, you got a real purty mouth
Morons Make Us Feel Just A Little Bit Smarter.
Today, almost anyone can get himself arrested. It doesn’t take style, flair or even imagination–with 1% of the US population behind bars, it’s easy to see that getting busted in America is pretty routine. It’s not surprising then, that when individuals take the extra effort to ensure that their crimes are particularly shameful, we sit up and take notice. It is with no small amount of pleasure that we present to you the following tales of delightfully dimwitted and debased douchebaggery.
Enjoy!
“Hey Jordy! I Can See Your Trailer From Here!”
Like all couples, Erica Wilson and Jesse Brooks of Rogersville, Tennessee had their share of fights. But in November of 2011, the two engaged in combat so fierce and bloody that the police were forced to intervene.
In the moments before the melee, the pair had been discussing their relationship. When Brooks began to affectionately grope Wilson, cooing “I want you,” she rebuffed him, explaining she expected more from their relationship than to simply be a “booty call.” The fight erupted in earnest when Brooks expressed a desire to keep the relationship strictly sexual, explaining that, as he and Wilson were first cousins, anything more would be kind of icky.
Take Some Comfort That They’re Not Breeding With The Normals.
Megan Barnes isn’t a wealthy woman. She will never have a huge lawn to keep tight and trim, nor any landscaped topiary to adorn her home. Despite her obvious disadvantages, the skanky Southern belle prides herself on her personal grooming.
This attention to detail is the most likely the reason that, while driving her vehicle in Cudjoe Key, Florida, Barnes plowed into the back of a pickup truck. She lost control of the vehicle when she turned over the steering chores to her ex-husband, a passenger in the vehicle. However, the fastidious floozy provided a reason for her inattention, explaining that she had been on her way to see her boyfriend, and needed her hands free for the important work of shaving her ‘bikini area.‘
It Just Makes For Easier Access.
Galway, Ireland, the folksy tourist-trap of the Emerald Isle, is typically a friendly town. Like all Irishmen, from Rosslare Harbour to Portrush, Galwegians are a drunken, cheerful lot. But a Halloween home invasion has loosed a dark current of fear throughout the city.
One innocent citizen was sleeping off his night’s meal of Guinness and Jameson when he was awakened by an intruder in his bedroom. To the man’s horror, the assailant was a six-foot tall smurf, who, in a final ghastly indignity, turned out to be drunk and horny. Although it was revealed to be a case of mistaken identity, with Inebriate Smurf in the wrong home, this news will most likely do little to ease the long-term psychological trauma inherent in such a terrifying episode.
Sometimes Papa Just Needs A Piece Of Ass That Isn’t Blue.
09 Wednesday Nov 2011
Tags
1%, 99%, AIDS, Allah, Ashton Kutcher, boobs, breasts, death by falling, Demi Moore, Erasure, fecal transplant, gay people, geeks, George Lucas, gonorrhea, headlines, homosexuals, Indiana Jones, Iran, Iranian Hostage Crisis, Madonna, Michael Moore, Mississippi, NBA, perverted science, Steven Spielberg, Tennessee, Uganda, Why am I so fat?
The Devil You Say!
Grandmother Gives Worst ‘Reason’ for Tossing 2-Year-Old Over Mall Balcony ~ Because there are so many good reasons for hurling your grandson to his death.
Ashton Kutcher Cheated on Demi Moore With 2 Girls in Hot Tub on Anniversary ~ Have a little sympathy. It’s like the prettiest girl in class just woke up from a nightmare to discover she’s married to her mom.
Mississippi man leads anti-illegal-immigrant movement ~ This will undoubtedly harm Mississippi’s reputation as a progressive bastion.
The Many Splendors of Boobs ~ We’re with you on this one.
What’s Not To Like?
Gonorrhea is becoming ‘Incurable’ ~ AIDS, an increasing awareness of sexual harassment and now this. It sucks to be a college student in 2011.
At 22, Tennessee woman is mom to 13 Ugandan children ~ Tramp.
German officials admit using spyware on citizens ~ A German official said, “Yeah, it’s bad to trample the civil rights of your own people like that. But hey–we’ve done worse, right?”
Autopsy of 11-Year-Old Celina Cass Has Sad Results ~ We challenge you to find a child’s autopsy with happy results.
Iran plot may signal ominous turn by regime ~Because heretofore those hostage-taking, Holocaust-denying lunatics have been pretty good neighbors.
They’ve Been Known To Let American Guests Stay For Up To 444 Days.
Would NBA players start their own league? ~ No doubt those financial maestros will turn the new enterprise into a gold mine.
Violinists play über-sized fiddle ~ Can you just say ‘large?’
Man Beats His Wife to Death for Understandable Reason ~ You’re going to have to narrow it down a bit.
Don’t Burn Your Baby in the Oven ~ Make sure you set the timer for no more than 15-25 minutes so that it stays pink inside.
How To Tell If Your Son Is Gay ~ Erasure albums. Even one means the kid’s a homo.
Michael Moore confesses: I am the 1 percent ~ He ate the other 99%.
Still Fat.
Madonna’s brother is homeless ~ Newsflash: Madonna’s a shitty sister.
DOCTORS NOTE SUCCESS WITH ‘FECAL‘ TRANSPLANTS ~ Sometimes the key to saving your life is taking somebody else’s shit.
Spielberg tells Indiana Jones fans: ‘Crystal Skull’ was George’s idea ~ Throwing Lucas under the bus was Steve’s idea.
Geek image deters girls from cybersecurity careers ~ Mommy & Housewife don’t carry that geek image.
Gay rights fight, in Allah’s name ~ You know, just printing the words “Gay” and “Allah” in the same sentence can get you killed.
Despite Islam’s Proscription Against Pork, Some Dudes Have A Hard Time Staying Away From The Sausage.
MORE HEADLINES:
19 Monday Apr 2010
Posted in Culture, General Foolishness, Sports
Tags
affray, bloodsport, brawl, dustup, melee, mixed martial arts, mouth-breathing halfwits, Nashville, skirmish, smackdown, Tennessee, tooth & blood man, wholesome family entertainment
Bloodsport fans are no doubt upset by the shocking brawl which erupted in the ring after a Mixed Martial Arts bout in Nashville:
Promethean Times hopes that the event’s organizer will address this shameful situation. MMA fans, many of whom brought their families, came expecting to see two nearly naked men in a cage beat one another into submission, surrounded by a deafening crowd of mouth-breathing halfwits crying out their love of carnage.
Unfortunately, violence broke out before the tooth & blood man had the opportunity to clean the canvas, proving it only takes one or two bad apples to ruin an evening of wholesome family entertainment.
You Can’t Rassle When You’re Still Wearin’ Clothes: Post-fight fight mars Jake Shields’ big win – Josh Gross – SI.com.
Promethean Times 