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Tag Archives: Pearl Harbor

This Day In History: December 7, 1941 CE

07 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in History

≈ 30 Comments

Tags

1941, December 7, Pearl Harbor, this day in history, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

On which the Japanese imitation of American culture and technology reaches its zenith, when the Japanese government, eager to benefit from Western knowledge, sets off a chain of events which results in its learning a very big lesson.

Although It Took Four Long Years Before The US Could Return The Favor, All Parties Agreed It Was A Blowout For The Ages.

 

Words We Live By

07 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Entertainment, History

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

America--Fuck Yeah!, Bob Dylan, Cormac McCarthy, Edgar Lee Masters, Friederich Nietzsche, Les Miserables, No Country For Old Men, Pearl Harbor, Primo Levi, quotations, Richard Adams, Salman Rushdie, Spoon River Anthology, Survival in Auschwitz, the Exodus, the Greatest Generation, The Ground Beneath Her Feet, The Reivers, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Victor Hugo, Watership Down, William Faulkner, Winston Churchill, You Jivin' Me Turkey?

By Tardsie

You Won’t Find The Really Good Ones In Here.

We very much appreciate a piece of well-expressed wisdom. For this reason among so many others, we have continued to compile over the years a collection of quotations which not only inspire us, but inform the philosophy which has thus far guided us through a life which has been pretty damn awesome.

Taking our inspiration from Bad Brad, the eccentrically eclectic force behind You Jivin’ Me Turkey?, who never fails to find powerfully affecting–and largely unfamiliar–quotations, we’d like to start your weekend with some of the passages that figure most centrally in our own lives. And just as our lives are improved in some measure by the unexpected wisdom curated by folks like Brad, we hope that you will find something in what follows which speaks to your own journey. Have a great weekend, folks!

This Is An Actual Photo Of Brad. He Has A Condition Which Makes Him Look Like An Animated Character. Don’t Make Fun.

***

The Big Questions

For what is it all but being hatched,
And running about the yard,
To the day of the block?
Save that a man has an angel’s brain,
And sees the ax from the first!
Edgar Lee Masters

The Difference Between The Two Of You Is That You See The End Coming. So Why Not Live It The Best You Can?

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.
Victor Hugo

***

There Is No Ordinary Life

And like a dying star is every work of your virtue: its light is always still on its way and it wanders —  And when will light no longer be on its way?  Thus the light of your virtue is still on its way even when the work has been done.  Though it be forgotten and dead, the ray of its light still lives and wanders.  That your virtue is your self and not something foreign, a skin, a cloak, that is the truth from the foundation of your soul, you who are virtuous.
Friedreich Nietzsche

***

People don’t like being around despair.  Our tolerance for the truly hopeless, for those who are irremediably broken by life, is strictly limited.  The sob stories we like are the ones that end before we’re bored.  I understood that I had good and true friends in these three men, that it was all for one and one for all and these were my musketeers.  I also saw that I needed to behave better for their sakes.  I had become their nagging toothache, their dose of gut-rot, their ulcer.  I needed to get better before they decided to cure themselves of me.
If friendship is a fuel, the supply of it is not endless.
Salman Rushdie

***

I knew growing up that I wanted to do something different than anybody else.  I wanted to do something that no one else did or could do, and I wanted to do it better than anyone else had.  I didn’t know where that was going to lead me, but where it did lead me was to folk music at a time when it was totally off the radar screen.
Bob Dylan

***

Meeting Adversity

Defeat is one thing; disgrace is another.
Winston Churchill

The Main Reason Winston Churchill Was Able To Achieve Renown As One Of History’s Greatest Englishmen Was That He Was Half-American.

A gentleman can live through anything.  He faces anything.  A gentleman accepts the responsibility of his actions and bears the burden of their consequences, even when he did not himself instigate them but only acquiesced to them, didn’t say No though he knew he should.
William Faulkner

***

I’m determined to stand whether God will deliver me or not.
Bob Dylan

***

Strange, how in some way one always has the impression of being fortunate, how some chance happening, perhaps infinitesimal, stops us crossing the threshold of despair and allows us to live.
Primo Levi

So Buck Up, Pussy!

You Can’t Know Everything, And Why Would You Want To?

And Frith called after him, ‘El-ahrairah, your people cannot rule the world, for I will not have it so.  All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and wherever they catch you, they will kill you.  But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning.  Be cunning and full of tricks and your people will never be destroyed.’
Richard Adams

We Always Thought Watership Down Was About A Bunch Of Rabbits.

For My Grandfather, Who Lucked Out Of Pearl Harbor And Felt Like A Fraud For It

I didn’t know you could steal your own life.  And I didn’t know that it would bring you no more benefit than about anything else you might steal.  I think I done the best with it I knew how, but it still wasn’t mine.  It never has been.
Cormac McCarthy

We Know That Forgiving Yourself Was Never Going To Happen. Remember, Though–For Those Who Loved You, It Wasn’t A Betrayal But A Miracle.

And yes, we know the title of this post should more properly be written ‘The Words By Which We Live,’ but that sounds stuffy. Grammar nerd. ∞T.

Life-Changing Literature: Gross Jokes

06 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Entertainment, Stupidity

≈ 37 Comments

Tags

9/11, Forever, fun with stereotypes, Great Books of the Western Tradition, Gross Jokes, inappropriate humor, Jesus, Judy Blume, Julius Alvin, Miss You Mom, Pearl Harbor, the Bible, Twins

By Tardsie

Some Humor Doesn’t Mean To Be Inappropriate, It Just Is.

After the King James Bible and Judy Blume’s Forever, which respectively served as the imprimatur for my troubling moral rigidity and taught me everything I needed to know about sex, no book has exerted quite so profound an impact on my development as has Julius Alvin’s indispensible compendium, Gross Jokes.

We Read It In The Fifth Grade, But It Would Be Years Before We Could Put Its Teachings To Good Use.

This delightful piece of Americana is a relic of a bygone age.  Its anachronistic offensiveness harkens back to an era in which the culture hadn’t yet discovered its inner pussy or began to counter the messy inclusiveness of wide-ranging speech with an antiseptic circumspection and a compulsion for self-censorship bordering on mania. Nowadays, the list of lifestyles and affiliations which can be safely mocked has dwindled to near-insignificance.

It’s Still Safe To Kick The Mormons, Though. What Are They Always So Happy About, Anyway? Fucking Weirdos.

Gross Jokes is, if not a breath of fresh air in these stuffy times, then at least a pungent fart in society’s plastic-lined cleanroom. Dedicated to Helen Keller (she’ll apparently be reading the audio version, which has been re-titled Y34jk3k Bdkddd for the occasion), and with chapter headings such as Revolting Racial and Ethnic Jokes, Vulgar Cripple Jokes, Indecent Religious Jokes, Foul Homosexual Jokes, Lewd Senior Citizen Jokes and Simply Disgusting, Gross Jokes is clearly something special.

Is This Really How We Want To Live?

Very few of the jokes contained in this volume are suitable for print even in these pages. It is a testament to the power of Gross Jokes that a significant portion of its contents offends even our attenuated sense of propriety. However, to give you an idea of the range and beauty of this masterwork, we present the following excerpts:

***

Why are just-deflowered virgins like the warships in Pearl Harbor after the Japanese bombing?
Because their cock-pits are full of bloody semen.

Yeah, We’ve Sullied It For You. Whatever–9/11’s Our Big National Tragedy Now, Anyway.

***

A man called his friend in the middle of the night and said, “Fred, I’m really worried about Mary. She wasn’t here when I got home from work and I still haven’t heard from her. And you know how depressed she gets at times since her mastectomy.”
Fred tried to reassure him. “Maybe she’s just visiting a friend.”
“I doubt it,” the man said glumly. “She left her tits here.”

We Made A Lot Of Friends With That One, Huh?

***

What do you do with dead baby twins?
Use one to swat the flies swarming around the other.

Just Think Of All The Heartache Inflicted On Parents By LIVING Instances Of This Genetic Anomaly.

***

Judy Blume, Jesus & Julius Alvin: Now Do You Better Understand Both The Nature And Depth Of Our Sickness?

Al Qaeda: Surprisingly Sensitive

25 Tuesday Oct 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, History, News, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

9/11, al Qaeda, anti-semitism, Axis of Evil, comical despots, George W. Bush, Holocaust, inside job, Iran, Israel, jealousy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is batshit crazy, Pearl Harbor, places that suck, Saddam Hussein, Saddam totally did it, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, The Great Satan, Twin Towers, United States of America, Yakov Smirnoff

By Smaktakula

Ahmadinejad Resembles Comedian Yakov Smirnoff, But The Similarities End There: The Iranian President Is Actually Quite Funny.

Tiny nutjob Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can always be counted on to publicly propound a plethora of preposterous political theories and irresponsible historical revisionism.  Over the years, Iran’s pint-sized potentate has kept his many apologists busy explaining away such bellicose assertions as “Israel must be wiped off the map,” and tired claims that the Holocaust is a Jewish fiction. Ahmadinejad’s statements regarding the events of September 11th, 2001, the catalyst for the United States’ War on Terror, have left his defenders scrambling, and have unexpectedly invited criticism from within the Axis of Evil.

Like so many others before him, Ahmadinejad likes to make hay with the idea that the horrific events of September 11th, 2001 were an inside job.  This theory has gained some traction among the mouth-breathing element of the population, embarrassingly eager to believe George W. Bush the evil genius behind the sinister machinations.  Promethean Times has long asserted that the actual culprit behind the Twin Tower Attacks was the nefarious Saddam Hussein.

Sooner Or Later, Everything Turns Out To Be An Inside Job.

Jewish groups have long met with opprobrium Ahmadinejad’s anti-Semitic rants and repeated calls for the destruction of Israel, but now factions within the Islamofascist community have begun to chafe under Ahmadinejad’s comments.  It seems that the boys in al Qaeda–Ahmadinejad’s erstwhile allies in despising anything Western or fun–have a bone to pick with the pint-sized Persian.

The feared international terrorist organization has grown weary of Ahmadinejad’s constantly blaming the United States for the events of 9/11.  Al Qaeda wants to make it very clear, that they–and not a sinister cabal within the United States–planned and executed the tragedy.  Al Qaeda claims that the Iranian president–who most observers agree would piss himself to inflict upon the Great Satan just a tenth of what al Qaeda was able to achieve– is deliberately misattributing their historic actions to an internal American plot for no reason other than simple jealousy.

Let's Give Credit Where Credit Is Due.

This Day In History: December 7, 1941 CE

07 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in History, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

64-Bit Wars, a date which will live in infamy, Baby Boomers, December 7, Isoroku Yamamoto, Japan, Japanese Empire, Pearl Harbor, sneak attack, Surprise!, the Arizona, the Greatest Generation, this day in history, Tora! Tora! Tora!, Uncle Giuseppe, United States of America, US Navy, World War II

On which itchy trigger fingers within the Japanese Empire are at least a generation premature in precipitating a war with America, finding Greatest Generation Americans not to be the vacuous, lazy, self-indulgent whiners their children will become.

Forever Haunted By His Propaganda Work For The Japanese During The 64-Bit Wars And Ostracized By The Italian-American Community As An "Uncle Giuseppe," Mario Died A Broken, Highly-Pixelated Man.

So sorry . . . we come back later.

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