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Tag Archives: this day in history

This Day In History: February 14, 1989 CE

14 Monday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History, Politics, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

1989, Ayatollah Khomeini, censorship, douchebaggery, douchey theocrats, fatwa, February 14, Iran, religious intolerance, Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses, theocratic cultural backwaters, this day in history, those wacky mullahs!, your feelings > freedom of expression

On which douchey theocrat Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini vociferously expresses his displeasure with Salman Rushdie‘s The Satanic Verses. The tactic proves so popular that it remains the Islamic community’s preferred method to redress grievances both real and imagined.

"Okay, First Of All, I'd Like To Thank Everybody For Coming. I Know You All Had To Take Time Out Of Your Busy Lives, But It's Great You Could Be Here. A Couple Of Special Mentions Before I Forget: Thanks To Faisal And Mohammad For Donating The Envelopes. Also, Everybody Remember To Thank Ibrahim's Boss For Letting Us Use The Stamp Machine. Okay, Let's Get Down To Business: Remember, When Writing The Publisher To Express Your Hurt Feelings, Be Firm But Polite. After All, We Don't Want To Sound Like A Bunch Of Crazies, Am I Right, Guys?"

We, the public, are easily, lethally offended.  We have come to think of taking offence as a fundamental right.  We value very little more highly than our rage, which gives us, in our opinion, the moral high ground.  From this high ground we can shoot down at our enemies and inflict heavy fatalities.  We take pride in our short fuses.  Our anger elevates, transcends.
Salman Rushdie

This Day In History: February 14, 1929 CE

14 Monday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, History

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1929, Al Capone, Alphonse Gabriel Capone, Bugs Bunny, Capone Gang, Chicago, Chicago Outfit, Edward G. Robinson, Elmer Fudd, February 14, gangs, George Clarence Moran, Illinois, Italian-Americans, Moran Gang, Prohibition, St. Valentine's Day Massacre, this day in history, unpunished, Valentine's Day, Wabbit Season

On which a group of Chicago’s North Side Gang members are each given a most unwelcome valentine in the form of a bullet to the brain.  Gang leader Bugs Moran narrowly manages to avoid the slaughter.

Different Guy Entirely. Salvatore "Bugs" Bunnicci Rose To Lead The Fudd Gang After Gang Leader Elmer Was Found Dead, His Mouth Stuffed With His Own Testicles And The Words 'WABBIT SEASON' Carved Into His Chest With A Vegetable Of Some Kind.

Although no convictions would result from what would quickly come to be known as the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, evidence then, as now, points to an Italian-American businessman, Alphonse Gabriel Capone.

"But I Was In Florida, See? Myah! Ya Got Nothin' On Me Copper--Nothin'! Myah! Myah!"

This Day In History: January 28, 1986 CE

28 Friday Jan 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History

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1986, astronauts, Challenger Disaster, Challenger Explosion, Christa McAuliffe, death by explosion, death by Space Shuttle, in poor taste, inappropriate humor, January 2, NASA, National Aeronautics and Space Administration, O-Ring, Smaktakula once knew a girl whom people called "O-Ring", space disaster, Space Shuttle, Space Shuttle Challenger, spacecraft, teacher in space, this day in history, too soon?, tragedies, United States of America, we feel dirty

On which Christa McAuliffe’s bid to become the first teacher in space comes abruptly apart in a ghastly shower of punchlines.

"An O-Ring? Is That Some Kind Of Sex Toy?"

“What does THIS button do?”

“Yeah, one blew this way and the other blew that way.”

“No, Bud Light.”

“Two in the front seat, three in the back and seven in the ashtray.”

“Her Head & Shoulders washed up on the beach.”

“Need Another Seven Astronauts.”

“Yeah, but now she’s history.”

“Oops.”

Too soon?

This Day In History: December 7, 1941 CE

07 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in History, News

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64-Bit Wars, a date which will live in infamy, Baby Boomers, December 7, Isoroku Yamamoto, Japan, Japanese Empire, Pearl Harbor, sneak attack, Surprise!, the Arizona, the Greatest Generation, this day in history, Tora! Tora! Tora!, Uncle Giuseppe, United States of America, US Navy, World War II

On which itchy trigger fingers within the Japanese Empire are at least a generation premature in precipitating a war with America, finding Greatest Generation Americans not to be the vacuous, lazy, self-indulgent whiners their children will become.

Forever Haunted By His Propaganda Work For The Japanese During The 64-Bit Wars And Ostracized By The Italian-American Community As An "Uncle Giuseppe," Mario Died A Broken, Highly-Pixelated Man.

So sorry . . . we come back later.

This Day In History: November 22, 1963 CE

22 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, History

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

conspiracy theories, Dallas, Jack Ruby, John F. Kennedy, Lee Harvey Oswald, manhunts, murderers, patsies, presidential assassins, Texas, Texas Theater, this day in history, Warren Commission

On which Lee Harvey Oswald comes to regret sneaking into the Texas Theater without purchasing a ticket.

"Seriously, Guys--The Movie Wasn't Even That Good. Do You Have To Make A Federal Case Out Of It?"

Quick, somebody–call Ruby.  He’ll know what to do.

This Day In History: November 11, 1918 CE

11 Thursday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in History

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11 November, 1918, Allies, Armistice Day, eleventh hour, Germany, Great War, sacrifice, surrender, The War To End All Wars, this day in history, trenches, Veterans Day, World War I, WWI

On which, at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, an Armistice ends the sanguinary horrors of the First World War, ensuring that armed conflict would from this day forward forever be an ugly artifact of the past.

"So Why Are They Calling It World War ONE?"

Q: Why is World War I sometimes referred to as the ‘Great War?’

A: Because aside from both decimating an entire generation of young men and precipitating the cataclysmic political upheavals of the 20th Century, WWI was pretty great.

Thanks, Vets.

This Day In History: 1605 CE

05 Friday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in History

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

England, Gunpowder Plot, Gunpowder Treason, Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes Night, home-grown terrorism, London, November 5th, Parliament, penny for the Guy?, protoIslamofascism, remember remember the Fifth of November, Terrorism, this day in history, traitor, treachery, treason, true meanings of holidays, V For Vendetta

On which protoIslamofascist Guy Fawkes’ unsuccessful attempt to blow up Parliament is remembered through a holiday and a lackluster film.

Fawkes' Original Plan Was To Strike The Houses Of Parliament With "A Flyeing Contrapshun Of Some Varietee, Laden With Elyxirs Both Incendiaree And Caustic."

Penny for the Guy?

This Day In History: September 10, 2001 CE (II)

11 Saturday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, History, News

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

9/11, al Qaeda, Axis of Evil, Fox news, George W. Bush, Iraq, Islam, muslims, New York, Osama bin Laden, patsies, Saddam Hussein, Saddam totally did it, Salacious Crumb, Terrorism, terrorists, this day in history, Twin Towers, United States of America, WMDs, World Trade Center

On which the nefarious Saddam Hussein succeeds in destroying the Twin Towers.

"Okay, We've Got Flight Schedules, We've Got Box Cutters--We Just Need Nineteen Patsies. Guys, I'm Telling You--This Is Just Crazy Enough To Work!"

"AHAHAHAHAHA! Don't Forget To Ditch The WMDs! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Confused?  Fox News will give you the scoop!

This Day In History: September 10, 2001 CE

10 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, History, Humor, Mythology, National Events, People, Terrorism

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"It's a culinary jihad!", Allahu Akbar: An Eatery For Infidels, Dougie McGinnis, Omaha, Osama bin Laden, pacts, September 10, that trick never works, The Future's So Bright I've Got To Wear Shades, this day in history, tomorrow is another day

On which Dougie McGinnis has high expectations for tomorrow’s grand opening of the Omaha Middle Eastern restaurant into which he has invested his entire life savings and mortgaged his home,  Allahu Akbar: An Eatery For Infidels.

The Future's So Bright, Dougie's Gotta Wear Shades.

What’s an Osama?

This Day In History: August 16th, 1977 CE

16 Monday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, History, Music

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

August 16, dead celebrities, Elvis Aaron Presley, Elvis Legend of Love (a poetric tribute to the KING), erotic Hummel figurines, Graceland, Marie Greenfield, swap meet treasures, Tardsie, Tardsie The Backpack, TCB, the King, this day in history, Travels With Tardsie

On which a grieving world books a room at the Heartbreak Hotel upon the sad news of the King’s death at 42.

Promethean Times' Editorial Assistant Tardsie The Backpack Poses At The Grave Of Elvis Presley.

The following poem is from Ms. Marie Greenfield’s heartfelt Elvis, Legend of Love (a poetric tribute to the KING).  The book is notable for Greenfield’s charming pen and ink drawings of butterflies, flowers and sequined guitars.

ELVIS WAS

So nifty and handsome,

So charming and wise

The dream in my heart,

The light in my eyes.

Elvis, Elvis tell me true,

Did I have a chance with you?

I would have been your clinging vine,

And you would have been mine.

Sadly, this delightful menagerie of grammar-eschewing poems devoted to the KING is no longer in print.  Although Smaktakula purchased Elvis, Legend of Love at a swap meet for a meager $2, he holds it no less dear than his impressive collection of erotic Hummel figurines.

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