Tag Archives: fascism

Jehovah’s Witnesses: You Might Like To Know

02 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by in Culture, News, Religion

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Originally posted 10.04.11

By Smaktakula

Although They Don’t Celebrate Holidays, Every Day Is A Party For The Witnesses.

Admit it, you don’t know much about the Jehovah’s Witnesses other than that you fear them. For many, the sight of a well-dressed, smiling couple patrolling the neighborhood can instill the same fear that a gang member would. Unlike that gang member, whose interest in your house is only a possibility, the Witnesses are guaranteed to knock on your door, copy of The Watchtower in hand.

Unlike Jews Or Muslims, The Jehovah’s Witnesses Exist For You To Mock.

You may know some of the more peculiar details of the Witnesses’ faith–the failed doomsday predictions, their lack of cool holidays or Witnesses’ refusal to salute the flag. Moreover, they refuse blood transfusions and military service. Most peculiar of all, like Jews and Seventh Day Adventists, Witnesses choose to ruin their Saturday with church, rather than the accepted Western tradition of Church on Sunday.

Pull The Curtains And Turn Off The TV Unless You’ve Got Three Hours To Kill.

But most people don’t know the price the Witnesses have paid over the years for their anti-militaristic views. Their refusal to serve in World War I angered fascistic governments in Germany and the United States, resulting in persecution and imprisonment.  During the Holocaust, Jehovah’s Witnesses paid with their lives, sent to the camps along with Gypsies, Jews, homosexuals, communists and common criminals. But unlike many of the others, whose offense to Nazi Germany was tied to some immutable condition, all the Witnesses had to do to save their own lives was to shut up about the Holocaust. Contrarians to the end, they refused. Their devotion was such that SS captains implored their lethal stooges to be as fanatical as the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

You Had No Fucking Idea, Did You?

Lastly, everyone must agree that given the Witnesses’ literal belief that only 144,000 souls will be admitted to heaven, it’s pretty generous of them to go door to door every week. With such a small number of the elect slated to make it into heaven, a Jehovah’s Witness puts his or her spot in jeopardy with every knock on the door.

The Witnesses Politely Told The Nazis To Enjoy Relations With Themselves.

Make-Believe Vigilante To Rejuvenate Motor City

23 Wednesday Feb 2011

Posted by in Cinema, Crime, Culture, News, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

Outlying Areas Such As Grosse Pointe Or Farmington Hills (Seen Here) Are Among The Last Remaining Enclaves For Detroit's Affluent.

Imagine a wasted and broken city, a great grey expanse of steel and concrete canyons, silent save for the echoing lamentation of pigeons and the constant scurrying rustle of the vermin who remain always just out of sight, and who are the true inheritors of this necropolis.  Picture streets festooned with rubbish and unnamable filth, faded newspapers dancing in the breeze as they skitter along crumbling sidewalks past abandoned industries whose soaped or broken windows stare out like blind eyes, but which once could see, and beheld a city on the come, a bright, raucous, thrumming and most of all–vital–metropolis, one which proved no more  substantial than the mirage of Cibola.

Chances are, the image in your head is a fairly accurate depiction of Detroit, Michigan in 2011.  Detroit, which once could truly be called Automobile City and boast of the world-famous Motown Sound, is now known primarily as the city which has made the most Olympic bids without ever being allowed to host the Games. The blighted, abandoned ruin has fallen so far as to make rust-belt crapholes like Gary, Indiana or Youngstown, Ohio seem prosperous by comparison.

Nothing Else Has Worked. What The Fuck, Right?

But a group of philanthropists believes it has a cure for the city’s myriad woes: RoboCop, the titular character in the 1987 film.  Although the technology to unleash a cyborg death machine upon the streets of the Motor City is still at least five years away, it’s hoped that a likeness of RoboCop might be similarly efficacious in revitalizing beleaguered Detroit.  A downtown statue of the fictional icon, fans argue, would be a steal at $50,000.

Things are looking good for fans of the project.  Just three days after beginning their funding drive, the statue’s backers say they’ve received the $50,000 necessary for the project.  Supporters hope that the statue of the gun-wielding mockery of human life will act as a magic totem of sorts, driving away Detroit’s  bad Ju Ju in much the same way as RoboCop did the career of Peter Weller, the actor who portrayed the fascist automaton.

"I Could Not Agree More With This Choice. Sometimes Extralegal Measures Are Needed To Keep Society Safe From The Bad Sort. You Know Who I'm Talking About."

Mongolian Nazis? We Get It. Wait . . . No, We Don’t.

11 Wednesday Aug 2010

Posted by in Asia, Culture, General Foolishness, History, Mythology, Race, Relationships, Social Networking, World Affairs

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By Smaktakula

For fans of historical reenaction and other loveless shut-ins who spend their days pondering what would happen if Adolf Hitler and Genghis Khan united in an anachronistic super-villain team up, this is as close as you’re likely to get.            

Give Them Points For Effort At Least: “Führer” Is Hard Enough To Pronounce With An American Accent.

The other villagers are said to be searching desperately for a way to gently shepherd these confused young men into accepting some uncomfortable, yet indelible, truths.       

Promethean Times Calls For ‘Day Of Sternly-Worded Constructive Criticism’

21 Wednesday Apr 2010

Posted by in Constitutional Issues, Culture, General Foolishness, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Social Networking

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By Smaktakula

Many Americans think government is broken.  President Obama pushes gamely ahead with his unique brand of doe-eyed fascism, despite the increasingly vocal resistance of the American people.  Partisan rancor is de rigueur in Washington today, and Congress is only slightly more popular than scabies.    

On Monday, April 26th, Promethean Times calls upon all Americans to take a stand against these myriad maladies by rising as one on in a Day of Sternly-Worded Constructive Criticism.   

There is precedent: Palestinians had a Day of Rage (borrowing the term from American terrorist organization, The Weathermen), a protest against Israeli settlements.  In Russia, thousands gathered in a Day of Wrath to protest against the unrelenting shittiness of their backwater nation.   

The Palestinians Can Usually Find Something To Be Pissed About

Clearly, the “Day Of” phenomenon is about to take off, and America dare not be left behind.  You can bet that her enemies in China and North Korea won’t be waiting; al Qaeda is no doubt picking out its own special day at this very moment.  America must act now before all the really good words are gone.   

Promethean Times would normally be inclined to call for a day of great anger not unlike those trademarked by the Palestinians and Russians, perhaps ‘A Day of Fury’ or ‘A Day of Ire.’  Either would be fitting.  The American people, for so long rightly proud of their unique liberties and cherished freedoms, have seen their leaders give away their right to make their own health choices, and in turn created a new right for a small segment of the population: the right to subsidised healthcare.  ‘Subsidised’ is a lot like ‘free,’–in both instances the recipient gets the service without paying.  However, ‘free’ means without cost, ‘subsidised’ means some other dude pays for it.    

So yeah, some honest-to-God pissedoffedness would be pretty welcome right now.   

It Sure Is.

But as a nation, America is probably too apathetic to summon those levels of indignation for something as trivial as their constitutional rights.   Americans reserve rage for the guy who cuts them off on the freeway, and wrath for a television network foolish enough to cancel a cult show.  But sternly-worded constructive criticism?  Americans can still handle that.

Veiled Fascism: The War Against The Burqa

09 Tuesday Feb 2010

Posted by in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Political Correctness, Politics, Religion

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By Smaktakula

Recently, France has escalated its ongoing assault on religious displays and symbols, most recently manifested in the official denunciation of the burqa worn by some muslim women.  The French government is winning the war of forced secularization, outward signs of religion–the crucifix, turbans, the burqa and more–are quickly becoming anathema in French culture.

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