Historical Figures With Unfortunate Nicknames: Deep Throat

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By Smaktakula

G-Man Mark Felt had an eventful career, rising to become deputy director of the FBI, and until recently was best known for illegally wiretapping the Weather Underground, which caused the case against the unrepentant terrorists to be dismissed.  But Felt’s most significant contribution to history, which would have gone unknown until is 2008 death if his children hadn’t wanted to cash in on it, was as Watergate whistleblower Deep Throat.

Was Hoping For A Less Suggestive Nickname, Perhaps "Backdoor Intruder" Or "Throbby Johnson."

So far it doesn’t appear to be the cash cow the younger Felts had hoped.  It turns out that, even if they approve of the action, nobody likes a snitch.

Beautiful Spam II: I Am Because Effective Like A Train Engine

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By Smaktakula and Others

The feedback we receive from readers is always a treat.  Whether they’re gently reminding us of a difference in opinion or cheerfully describing the fates of our hell-bound souls, they always give us something to think about.  But it might surprise you to know that even the tons upon tons of spam we recieve have something to offer.  See for yourself:

Actually, We're Fine With It If It's Quality Spam.

So I am joyous I at last encountered this web site merely because I really was attempting to get it for a period of time as this is a pretty entertaining location

Thanks.  We like it too.

Pants weakened their replica, slapped the sisterhood along the effects with his authorities didn’t a audience. The magnum revolver, kidding my replica, left he without the means of the bronze, been through she, threw he to his none and me couldn’t down the presence to the tea. Cherry did complicated.

Promethean Times will never kid your replica.  That’s a promise.

I know you’d like to defend your maple-syrup drinking breathern up North who can’t even figure out how to win in the Olympics THEY host when they spend 9 months of the year playing Winter sports, but… let’s face it, the only thing Canada can do right is health care and a balanced immigration policy. That’s it!

Wow.  Bryan Adams really hurt you, huh?

"Pourquoi Avez-Vous Prendre Mon Nordiques?"

Each event can be labeled by four numbers: a time coordinate and three space coordinates; thus spacetime is a four-dimensional space.

Bet you didn’t realize you’d be learning something today.

plus I’d usually identified if We built a smaller amount searching that we might get more searching. I am because effective like a train engine. I basically developed that variety of the choice.

‘I am because effective like a train engine.’  We’re putting that one on our resumes.

He also said I live on the high ground so everybody is plastered and laughing about the tsunami that didnt happen. I still dont know if the character Im playing is gonna be ultimately bad good or somewhere in between.

That’s a bold tactic.  You’re aware now that the tsunami did happen, yes?

I give birth to be familiar with a few of the articles on your website trendy, and I really like your tastefulness of blogging. I added it to my favorites web stage list and disposition be checking promote soon. Please contain into public notice my position as approvingly and vindicate me know what you think. Thanks.

Thank you so much!  Those are without a doubt the greatest lengths anyone has gone to be familiar with our website trendy.

So Where Do All Those Creative Ideas Come From?

Terms of EndearmentWouldnt watch it.Boomer shit.1984Red DawnSee capsule review Doctor Ruth WestheimerWhy you naughty little elf!I miss that naughty little elf.Murray Heads One Night in Bangkok Auuaarrgh!Man my folks dragged me around to every fucking furniture store in the state one day and I swear every furniture store had this on their fucking radio.It would go away on one store the next store itd be starting right back up.So it was literally played to death along the whole band.Son of a bitch…Band-AidNaw that cant be.I got a 78 Wacky Package of band ache so they gotta go back to the 70s at least.Yeah I went through a lot of these.Ohhh…the charity concert…Meh.Children of the CornSaw it later on HBO.Wasnt a fan.Didnt scare me.Annoyed me that the kids were being so shitty.Reminded me of the playground.New EditionUm…know the name…aint ringing any bells otherwise…Hair mousse Eye roll AmadeusAh the movie.Didnt see it finally until fairly recently on Loved it.Probably historically inaccurate as hell but eh…Doug Fluties hail mary passDont care.Rodney Dangerfields Rappin Rodney Rap jumped the shark right here and yet still it would not die.No ones had the resolve to do what must be done.And no killers of Tupac and Biggie that wasnt it youre fuckin stupid.You made martyrs now matters are worse.VoltronOuch…has not held up.Caught reruns and…painful…Calculator watchDidnt have one.Had a Transformer watch though.Great way to smuggle a toy into school.Romancing the StoneMeh pretty good.Designer shoelacesNot my bag.SnorksLock stock and barrel Smurfs ripoff.They had more girls though so you didnt get the creepy vibe they were gang-banging one chick like with Smurfette.Anti-fur movement Nose crinkle Weve got HUMANS to save you goofy pseudo-hippie douchebags.I love animals but fuck prioritize.Throwing paint on a rich old twats coat does absolutely NOTHING to make the world a better place.TVs Bloopers Practical JokesLotta lameness on this show.Sergio Aragones from Mad and Groo did the little cartoon janitor so…thats something.Police AcademyFucking Guuutenbeeerrg!!1985Bob Ross The Joy of PaintingDoes NO ONE remember the guy who preceeded him Liked him better.Bob Ross creeped me out.Gave me the vibe of a guy with a windowless van down by a park.Monster trucksSunday!! Pepper was to records and Empire Strikes Back was to movies this was to games up to that point.Quite an event.MoonstruckDidnt see it.Chick flick.Baby Jessica falls down a wellDid the real national news really have to hover over this?Shouldnt they I dunno have been keeping tabs on Osama Bin Laden?Asking uncomfortable questions at Goldmann Sachs?Somethin like that?I dunno.Guess I expect too much huh?Silly me.Lee Press-On nails Eye roll Throw Momma from the TrainAfter all that…the ending it comes from nowhere…its like the editing machine puked…WTF?Anyway momma was the gang leader in Goonies.Disturbing woman.I miss her.Microwave ovenWeve got to install microwave ovens!Custom kitchen deliveray-ay-ay-ayyy!!Weve got to move these!

You’ve got something there, son.  Just a little bit of editing, maybe a couple of pictures with snarky captions and you’re good to go!

Bono: Walking On Water; Shattering Stereotypes

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Smaktakula

Did You Know?: Earth's Spiritual Leader Was Once In A Band.

Bono isn’t just the earthbound embodiment of all that is earnest and righteous in the cosmos, He’s also the world’s most famous Irishman (there are eleven other famous Irish people, four of whom are living).  Although He is by no means representative of the Irish people as a whole, He does put to rest a number of stereotypes.  For example: He’s not particularly quarrelsome, isn’t known for the drink and has money coming out His ass.

Good on ya, Mate!*

Lucky, Ireland's 2nd Most Famous Person. "If Ye Think Yer Havin' A Go At Me Lucky Charms, Then Yer In Fer A Right Fookin' Surprise. I'll See Ye Dead First, I Will."

*Australia and Ireland are entirely different countries.  No, they’re not even near each another. ∞T.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day 2011

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By Smaktakula

Erin Go Bragh!

The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?
W.B. Yeats

Brought To You By Jameson Whiskey. Keeping The Earth Safe From Irish Global Domination For 230 Years.

Here’s to fistfights, drunkenness and weeping effigies! ∞T.

TripoliWatch 2011: The Tyrant Digs In

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By Smaktakula

In Tripoli, leathery sand-despot Col. Muammar al-Gaddafi clings tenaciously to power.  To some degree the world has been forced into a careful and deliberately-considered response by the dictator’s intransigence.  Not only is there now some loose talk about a possible No Fly Zone to temper Gaddafi’s use of airpower against his own people, but US President Barack Obama has explained that however slowly, a noose (presumably figurative) is being drawn around the leader’s neck. Despite this, the Colonel’s repressive regime brazenly continues to steamroll a briefly free people back into subjugation.

The Colonel's Brief Love-Letter To His People.

Now he’s writing one to the West!  What’s it say?  “F” …”U”…”C”…
Maybe he’s writing ‘I Surrender.’ ∞T.

Disney Unveils New Forum For Online Predators

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By Smaktakula

"Huh-Hi There Little Buddy! Huh-Who Wants His Picture On A Milk Carton?"

Disney recently announced its purchase of Togetherville, a social networking site aimed at children ages 6-10, a group heretofore excluded from the social phenomenon.  Industry insiders contend that a demand for such services already exists, and reckon that the move will help to peel more pre-teens away from non-internet–and therefore useless–activities such as playing outside or spending time with family and friends.

Wildlife Authorities In Kenya Issued An Amber Alert Today. Citizens Are Advised To Be On The Lookout For A Blue 1980s African Pachyderm.

For a generation completely stymied by the concept of pen pals, Togetherville will be first instance of remote social networking among young children.  Proponents claim that an early introduction to such sites greatly increases a child’s ability to make superficial friendships, which in turn can help her develop life skills such as obsequiousness and insincerity, which will enable her not only to survive, but thrive on her quest toward middle-management.  Likewise, early indications show that parents are pleased with Togetherville’s potential, which in studies has been shown to increase “shut up time” in children by a whopping 75%.

You've Got It Easy. Previous Generations Were Occasionally Forced To Talk To Their Children.

Disney’s announcement is expected to be warmly received by pervert activists, who have long been working to change societal impressions of pedophiles, particularly among children.  The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) could not be reached for comment, as the majority of its membership is hard at work fabricating online personae.

If It Makes You Feel Better To Know It, This Guy Loves Your Kids At Least As Much As You Do.

Know Your Dictafro

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By Smaktakula

The individual hairstyles of powerful men and women are as unique as fingerprints.  Observe:

The Caesar

The Pineapple

The Cover-Up

The Forgettable Fire

The Martyr

The John Holmes

The Kaczynski

The Pyongyang.

The Schultz

The Carpetbagger

The Bubbie

The Big Boy

The Thriller

The ChocoFührer

The Imelda

Le Petit Tyran

The Consigliere

The Highlander

The Supercuts

The Frampton Comes Alive

The Bride Of The Monster-Doctorwallah

The Foreign Exchange Student

The Moe Howard

The Sex Mo-Sheen And The Pantsuit