Walmart Likes To Kick ‘Em When They’re Down

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Wal-Mart, never known for its benevolent business tactics or for treating its employees like human beings, has taken dickheadedness to new and exciting heights heretofore undreamed in the long and storied annals of corporate douchebaggery.

Joseph Casias was fired for violating Wal-Mart’s drug policy by using marijuana.

Was he toking up in the Wal-Mart?

No, it turned up in a blood test after he was injured at work.

Aha!  Well, cannabis use is against policy.

Mr. Casias used marijuana for medical reasons.

No doubt.   Did he get it for chronic insomnia?

Yeah, that–along with inoperable brain and sinus cancer.

. . .

A story so bathed in pathos would give almost pause to almost any other corporate juggernaut–even the most despicable and black-hearted.  But the Great Beast Wal-Mart is not simply any corporate juggernaut; it is an entity unto itself and unlike anything known to man.  Wal-Mart divested itself of compassion along with high prices a long time ago.  The only time pathos can expect notice from Wal-Mart is when it comes with a price tag.

Wal-Mart said it had no plans to rehire Mr. Casias, but that it wished him the very best, from the bottom of its black and kitten skull-encrusted heart.

Impressed By Wal-Mart's Indifference To Human Suffering

Never before has douchebaggery been offered at such  a low, low price: FOXNews.com – Wal-Mart ‘Sympathetic’ to Man Fired for Using Medical Pot, but Won’t Rehire Him.

Smaktakula

Corrupt Afghan Despot Has Hissyfit Over Capture Of Taliban BFF

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The election-rigging, opponent-intimidating, undemocratic yet American-backed president of Afghanistan is all wound up by the capture of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar by Pakistani forces aided by US intelligence.   It was revealed that Karzai was engaging in secret talks with the high-ranking Taliban official.  After this incident, Karzai is afraid that the Taliban will forever regard him as a big jerk. 

Karzai: Hurt Feelings Resulted From The Capture Of The Enemy With Whom He Was Secretly Meeting

You knew Karzai was corrupt, but did you know he was a treacherous ingrate?  Well, read this anyway: Aide: Karzai ‘Very Angry’ at Taliban Boss’ Arrest – Afghanistan | Map | War – FOXNews.com.    

Smaktakula

A Confederacy Of D-Bags

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By Smaktakula

Ex-John Edwards aide Andrew Young  has been ordered by Superior Court Judge Abraham Penn to return all copies of a sex tape allegedly made by Edwards and his mistress, Rielle Hunter.  Failing this, Young and his wife Cheri face jail for contempt of court.         

It’s hard to have sympathy for any of the players in this sad drama–certainly not the Youngs, who are accused of holding extra copies of the sex tape, nor for the ostensible victims, Edwards and Hunter.       

Edwards: Not Always A Political Leper

Edwards, who came close to capturing the vice presidency in 2004, has since then systematically shredded every last vestige of his reputation, and sent his once-promising political career spiralling wildly beyond Gary Hart territory, finally settling in the land of posterity’s bottom-feeders, featuring the likes of  Spiro Agnew and future Trivial Pursuit answers  Rod “Blago” Blagojevich and Eliot Spitzer.  According to Game Change, Edwards was so self-deluded even after being outed as Hunter’s babydaddy by a supermarket tabloid, the pretty North Carolinian was still angling to be Obama’s Attorney General.         

Edwards’ decision to make a sex tape with Hunter, let alone allowing it to fall out of his possession, is a course of action so decidedly reckless and even stupid that it begs the question: Did Edwards sabotage himself intentionally?         

It’s doubtful–Edwards appears to be divorced from reality.  What does remain open to debate is the question, to what degree?  Despite all the storms Edwards has weathered in the past two years, the former senator remains capable of Herculean feats of self-deception, even if increasingly he can’t fool much of anybody else.  Most recently, he’s taken his act to Haiti, vowing to help the Haitians as only John Edwards can.  Presumably, this means suing the manufacturers of faulty swimming pool pumps.  If this is the indeed the case, the Haitian swimming pool supply industry may need to apply for some of the international relief funds which continue to pour into Haiti: Edwards may be cheap, but his bill won’t be.         

Rielle Hunter might be the most interesting player in this drama, not only for her role as a future footnote in the annals of history, but also for both for many lives she’s lived– among them actress, a savvy videographer who could make YouTube work for political candidates, game-show contestant, fraud victim and the inspiration for a literary character.  Perhaps her ability to reinvent herself is what Edwards saw in her in the first place.  Like Hunter, Edwards is a chameleon, in which the search for identity is life’s meaning.         

Hunter is shedding her most recent skin for GQ.  Painted for so long as “the other woman,” Hunter wants to show the world the kind of wholesome gal she is.         

Hunter: Tasetful GQ "Spread"

 Young, Edwards’ former lickspittle and author of the recent political tell-all The Politician, wants us to know that he was a pawn in something beyond his ken.  Edwards was a Rasputin, Young would have us believe, and caught his innocent aide in the web of his machinations.  It was for those reasons–loyalty, esprit de corps, hero-worship–that Young humiliated his own family by claiming to be the father of Rielle Hunter’s child.  Sadder yet, it appears this deception fooled no one, except perhaps for Elizabeth Edwards.        

At first it seemed that Cheri Young’s only wrongdoing was exercising poor choice in agreeing to marry Andrew Young.  When most of the public knew that Edwards was almost certainly the father of Hunter’s child, it was still possible to pity the humiliated Cheri when her husband ridiculously claimed to be the father of  Hunter’s child.  With the potential contempt charges hanging over Cheri as well as her husband, it appears that the wronged wife has at least a little of the grifter in her.  In this, she’s found herself in welcome company.         

Young: Claims Not To Be A Sneering Ass

 Currently, the bizarre quartet comprising Edwards, Hunter and the Youngs is now split into two very distinct–and opposing–camps.  Promethean Times predicts that in a few short years, when the money’s run out and the notoriety isn’t enough even to keep the National Enquirer interested, what is now two will most likely be four.         

Elizabeth Edwards: Hard To Believe John Would Go Outside The Marriage For Sex

 

Guardian: Axelrod Calls Israeli Announcement ‘Insult’

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American Mideast policy has returned to normal.  That is to say, the new normal.       

One of President Obama’s most senior aides has described Israel‘s sudden announcement of plans to build 1,600 homes in occupied East Jerusalem as an “affront” to the US which could undermine peace efforts in the Middle East.       

“This was an affront, it was an insult but most importantly it undermined this very fragile effort to bring peace to that region,” he said on NBC’s Meet the Press. “For this announcement to come at that time was very destructive.”       

On March 10th, Promethean Times questioned the political validity of the warm comments Vice President Joe Biden made on a trip to Israel.  Sadly, what seemed like a statement of solidarity with America’s only consistently reliable Mideast ally was just Biden being Biden.  The Obama Administration will continue to regard Israel as an aggressor against the beleaguered and long-suffering Palestinians.       

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Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy Split

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According to People, it’s true.    

If Haim & Feldman were Gen X’s unrecognized Hope & Crosby, then perhaps the union of Hewitt and Kennedy produced Generation Y’s Tracy and Hepburn.   

Jamie & Jennifer During Happier Times

Hopefully fans’ grief will be mitigated somewhat the knowledge that while this news is certainly dismal, it is proof that the two are still alive.    

Wait–who are Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy again?    

Find Out At The Same Time Promethean Times Does: Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy Split – Breakups, Jamie Kennedy, Jennifer Love Hewitt : People.com.   

Smaktakula

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

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By Smaktakula

When someone pretends to be from someplace he’s not, we call him a poseur.

When a professional sports franchise pretends to be from somewhere it’s not, we call it the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

LA

Not LA

Village Massacres Shake Uneasy Nigeria

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Nigeria (not to be confused with its similar sounding and similarly-troubled neighbor Niger) is experiencing more religious violence between Muslims and Christians.         

Since the unrest in Nigeria has yet to attain Third-World-Crisis-of-the-Moment status, it languishes in the doldrums of global anonymity.  Lacking a Green Day song or an impassioned plea by George Clooney, the religious violence in Nigeria will likely go on unabated.         

This quote from the article helps to illustrate just how deep the hostilities run within Nigeria:         

An elderly woman prayed at the edge of the burial pit, chanting. “By God’s grace we will enter their villages and kill their women and children,” she repeated.      

Adding to Nigeria’s sinister-quotient is the vice president (and current acting president), Goodluck Jonathan.  Not only does Mr. Jonathan have the perfect name to be the arch-villain’s freakish henchman in a James Bond film, he’s got the right look, too.    

"No, Mr. Bond--I Expect You To Die"

 Read About It Before U2 Sings About It: Village Massacres Shake Uneasy Nigeria – WSJ.com.   

Smaktakula 

Tiger’s Former Flame Thinks Someone Deserves A Second Chance

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“I support him 100 percent,” said Irene Folstrom, who said she dated Woods in the mid-1990s when they were undergrads at Stanford University. “Of course, he was unfaithful and he has his faults, but he is really a good person.”

One possible interpretation:

You know that Teutonic slut can’t give you what I can.  Come back, Meal Ticket!

Irene Folstrom: A Fan Of Second Chances?

Does She Have A Chance At A Second Chance? Tiger Woods’s college girlfriend: He deserves another chance – CNN.com.

Smaktakula