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~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

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Category Archives: Christianity

Forgotten Author Renounces Ancient Religion

10 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Mythology, People, Political Correctness, Religion, Social Networking

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Anne Rice, Anne Rice will burn in the lake of fire alongside Galileo Galilei and Madonna Ciccone, apostate, bodice-rippers, Catholic Church, Catholic sex abuse scandal, Catholicism, conversion for publicity, crimes against humanity, even werewolves have been ruined, forgotten authors, Hags, heterosexuality, homoeroticism, homoeroticism in vampire literature, Judaism, obscure celebrities, renounces, self-satisfied, stupid shit little girls like, tween romance, Twilight, vampire fiction, vampires

By Smaktakula

Tween Romance author Anne Rice announced recently that she had renounced Catholicism.  This news serves to energize opponents of the Church, as well as to delight the author’s remaining fans, most of whom are all grown up now and just happy to know she’s still alive.               

In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life.               

Rice, whose main contribution to literature has been to purge the vampire genre of its remaining vestiges of heterosexuality, is also said to be privately fuming that her conversion to Catholicism didn’t prove to be the goldmine her agent promised it would.                    

It Would Seem We Have You To Thank For Twilight As Well. Hag.

 

Damn it, Anne–we’ve been through this a million times.  You know I said no such thing–I told you to go with Judaism. 

The Secret Origin Of Westboro Baptist’s Fred Phelps

27 Tuesday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Cinema, Constitutional Issues, Culture, Hollywood, People, Relationships, Religion, Social Networking

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

bigotry, Brokeback Mountain, closeted homosexual, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, God Hates Fags, I wish I could quit you, judge not lest ye be judged, let he who is without sin cast the first stone, Phelpsicana, religious intolerance, Reverend Fred Phelps, that asshole who demonstrates at the funerals of soldiers, Westboro Baptist Church, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula
Late August, 1951

"Jesus, Fred--What Does 'I Wish I Could Quit You' Mean, Anyway? Look, We Both Knew This Wouldn't Be Forever, Right? But What We Had, Man--It Was Real. Just Promise Me Something, Fred. Promise Me You Won't Let This Make You Bitter."

The piece of Phelpsicana included below, the Westboro Baptist Church’s earliest slogan, helps to shed light on Phelps’ bizarre devolution:

No Reason Was Given For The Slogan's Change During The Winter Of 1952. Apparently, Phelps Thought "God Hates Fags" Just Sounded Better.

Promethean Short Short Stories: Cain’s Offering

17 Thursday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Crime, Culture, Justice, Literature, Mythology, People, Promethean Short Short Stories, Relationships

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

flash fiction, guns, homicide, mandorlas, Orthodox iconography, Promethean Short Short Stories

By Smaktakula

Directed more by some entropic and unknowable inertia than by free will, Dora felt herself take two uncomprehending steps backward until her backside met the stove, which squealed briefly in protest.

The smoking gun in her right hand was spent and had become heavier somehow, as if it had swapped cold lethality for substance.  She let it fall, refusing to acknowledge either it or the spreading pool of blood spotlighting Martin like a mandorla on an Orthodox icon. 

Mama’s voice worried inside Dora’s head: Baby, did you mean to do it?

As hot, bitter tears spilled over the back of the hand clutched to her mouth, Dora answered: I don’t know.

It was God’s truth.

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Political And Media Elites Surprised, Dismayed By Would-Be Terrorist’s Lack Of Whiteness

07 Friday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, International Relations, Islam, Justice, National Events, National Politics, Political Correctness, Race, Relationships, Religion, Terrorism

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Barack Obama, Contessa Brewer, Eric Holder, Faisal Shahzad, Gitmo, Guantanamo Bay, home-grown terrorism, Islam, Michael Bloomberg, MSNBC, muslims, nanny state, Obama Administration, Obamacare, Political Correctness, Rachel Maddow, radical Islam, Tea Party, teabaggers, Terrorism

By Smaktakula

In the hours following the accidentally foiled Times Square bombing, Washington and the media let the world know just what sort of deranged maniac they were looking for: a disgruntled white guy.  Remember: Timothy McVeigh was white.  So was Ted Kaczynski.  And don’t forget to add Eric Rudolph’s two kills into the shameful annals of American terrorism.

Since then, pretty much every major act of violent terrorism has been committed predominately (by which we mean exclusively) by adherents of Islam*.  The current expectations among fans of Professional International Terrorism (PIT) is that whitey is due for a significant atrocity.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg apparently believes that as with his legislation regarding which foods New Yorkers can put in their bodies, his own God-given wisdom trumps facts.  Shortly after the incident, the mayor responsibly opined that while he didn’t really have a clue as to what happened, he was confident enough to prognosticate that the would-be mass murderer would turn out to be an American citizen bitter about Obamacare.

Bloomberg’s mistake is a reasonable one considering that the administration and most of the media have been warning that Tea Party radicals were going to try something crazy.  The media has provided substantial proof for these claims, if one accepts incestuously recycled comments from other “journalists” as proof.

The world was shocked to learn that the alleged bad guy, Faisal Shahzad was not white, nor was he Christian.  He was not a Republican, and apparently did not play college-level lacrosse.

After Shahzad’s lack of Christian whiteness was discovered, MSNBC spokesperson Contessa Brewer expressed dismay that the failed bomber was Islamic, claiming that certain groups would use that fact to their own racist ends.  Presumably this entails spreading the false rumor that people of Islamic faith make poor terrorists.  This is especially galling since Islamic terrorists are considered the cream of the crop when it comes to murderous thugs.

Brewer later backpedalled on her Facebook site, saying she simply didn’t want the terrorist to be of a specific race.  It’s just that there was a specific race and/or religious preference that she didn’t want it to be.

In virtually the same breath, Brewer attempts to justify her statements by pointing to Bloomberg’s latest statements, admonishing Americans not to take out their anger on Pakistani Muslims.  The fact that no major acts of violence against American muslims have occurred since 9/11 is a testament to the efficacy of this sort of pedantic, self-righteous nagging.

Still, until the Obama adminstration and the friendly press can return to the narrative of the white Christian as Public Enemy Number 1, there are going to be some downcast faces:

Thought That White Christian Prisoners Would Help Diversify Gitmo

Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?

This Guy Is Totally Bummed

Hopefully the next terrorist will look like this:

Why Is She So Full Of Hate?

Otherwise it’ll really screw up the narrative.

*Promethean Times wishes to stress our firm stance that Islam is a religion of peace.  Every right-thinking person knows that it is only because of a few misguided individuals and a great many Western bigots that people have this hugely incorrect view of Muslims. Therefore, we feel that any retaliatory action against Promethean Times, including but not limited to fatwas, jihads and other assorted beefs, would be unwarranted.  Not that any Islamic person would perpetrate an act of violence–please see the first sentence in this note regarding Islam being a religion of peace.  But just so we’re clear, if Islamic people were the type to start killing people who said things with which they disagreed (and again, we’re not saying that they are–Religion of Peace!  Religion of Peace!), hopefully they wouldn’t feel the need to revenge themselves against Promethean Times.  Although undoubtedly we have done something to deserve it, for which we are most grievously sorry.  As-Salamu Alaykum

Archbishop Okay With Honor-Killings, But Draws The Line At Pedophilia

12 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Crime, Culture, People, Political Correctness, Religion, Scandal, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Archbishop of Canterbury, Catholic Church, Catholic sex abuse scandal, hypocrisy, lost all credibility, pedophile priests, Rowan Wilson, Sharia law, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Rowan Wilson, the Archbishop of Canterbury, maintains that the Catholic Church in Ireland has lost “all credibility” over the widespread allegations of abuse by the clergy.

However, the attention-seeking cleric’s credibility has been many times called into question over asinine comments such as his musings that some aspects of Sharia law be incorporated into British courts.

He's Anglican, Not Catholic--Parents Should Not Hesitate To Entrust Their Children To This Man

This Just In:  Apparently the Archbishop doesn’t draw the line at pedophilia–his Self-Righteousness has recanted his statements condemning the Catholic Church.

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Priest’s Holocaust Comparison Deemed Improper

09 Friday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Culture, History, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

anti-semitism, Catholic Church, Catholic sex abuse scandal, Father Raniero Cantalamessa, free speech, genocide, Holocaust, Holocaust comparisons, hypocrisy, molestation, Nazis, Political Correctness, Ragnarok, real Nazis were pretty fucking awful, Soup Nazi

By Smaktakula

Whose Holocaust is it anyway?

During his Good Friday address from the Vatican, the Pope’s personal preacher likened attacks on the church and the pope to the horrors of the Holocaust.  Paraphrasing a Jewish friend’s letter, Father Raniero Cantalamessa declared,

The use of stereotypes and the shifting of personal responsibility to a collective guilt remind me of the most shameful aspects of anti-Semitism.

Promethean Times deplores this unacceptable Holocaust comparison, which was made even more egregious by the abundance of acceptable Holocaust comparisons from which Fr. Cantalamessa could have chosen.  Instead, he aimed low and chose to invoke this powerful comparison to defend the Church’s response to public anger over its own misdoings.

Something About Global Warming, We Think.

It is imperative that when Holocaust comparisons are made, they are made responsibly.  Responsible Holocaust comparison means choosing an acceptable atrocity or deplorable condition which to compare.  The following partial list of maladies and social ills have been found acceptable for Holocaust comparison:

  • AIDS
  • Racism
  • Global Warming/Environment/Climate Change/Ragnarök
  • Abortion
  • Famine
  • People Without Health Insurance
  • The plight of Native Americans in modern American society.
  • The Palestinian situation (for those who like their Holocaust comparisons served with a little irony).
  • Lastly, in what is generally considered an archaic usage, the Holocaust is sometimes compared to the genocide perpetrated against the Jews, communists, homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses and just about everybody else by Nazi Germany in the 1930s and 1940s.

So Is The Whole Thing That The Nazis Wouldn't Give Jewish People Soup? Because We Thought There Was More To It Than That.

Village Massacres Shake Uneasy Nigeria

12 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Africa, Christianity, Crime, Islam, Religion, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christianity, Christians, George Clooney, Goodluck Jonathan, Green Day, Islam, James Bond, muslims, Niger, Nigeria, Nigerian massacre, U2, village massacres, Wall Street Journal, WSJ

Nigeria (not to be confused with its similar sounding and similarly-troubled neighbor Niger) is experiencing more religious violence between Muslims and Christians.         

Since the unrest in Nigeria has yet to attain Third-World-Crisis-of-the-Moment status, it languishes in the doldrums of global anonymity.  Lacking a Green Day song or an impassioned plea by George Clooney, the religious violence in Nigeria will likely go on unabated.         

This quote from the article helps to illustrate just how deep the hostilities run within Nigeria:         

An elderly woman prayed at the edge of the burial pit, chanting. “By God’s grace we will enter their villages and kill their women and children,” she repeated.      

Adding to Nigeria’s sinister-quotient is the vice president (and current acting president), Goodluck Jonathan.  Not only does Mr. Jonathan have the perfect name to be the arch-villain’s freakish henchman in a James Bond film, he’s got the right look, too.    

"No, Mr. Bond--I Expect You To Die"

 Read About It Before U2 Sings About It: Village Massacres Shake Uneasy Nigeria – WSJ.com.   

Smaktakula 

Times Online: Turkey Recalls Ambassador After US Genocide Vote

05 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Christianity, Europe, History, Islam, Justice, Middle East, Military, Political Correctness, Politics, Religion, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

1915, Armenia, Armenian Genocide, Armenian Holocaust, genocide, House Committee on Foreign Affairs, Islam, Islamic Republic, massacre, Muslim, Ottoman Empire, pogrom, Turkey, Turkish, Turks, United States of America, US Ambassador

Despite pleas from the Obama Administration, the House Committee on Foreign Affairs has voted to label Turkey’s 1915 pogrom against Armenians as a genocide.

From a strategic standpoint, this is madness.  The Turks have already made clear their feelings on the issue, and to persist in this course risks alienating our closest Muslim ally (Turkey, it should be noted, is a model among predominately Muslim nations for its staunchly secular government).  Moreover, the raising of this issue now risks undermining recent overtures between Turkey and Armenia.

Conversely, Turkey’s argument is that the 1915 massacres did not constitute a genocide, claiming that the death statistics have been exaggerated.  While that is indeed very likely, it is a specious argument.  A genocide is both a deliberate and a systematic elimination of a people.  It is a crime of intent, and the relative size of the body count doesn’t matter.

Turkey Shoot Here: Turkey recalls ambassador after US vote on Armenia ‘genocide’ – Times Online.

Smaktakula

AP Writer Claims Republicans In a Tizzy Over RINO Scott Brown

24 Wednesday Feb 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Constitutional Issues, Culture, General Foolishness, History, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Regional Politics, Social Networking

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Abraham Lincoln, AP, Benedict, big government, Christian ideology, Christian policy, Democrats, Drudge Report, Glen Johnson, jobs bill, Know-Nothing Party, Massachusetts, personal liberty, Republican in name only, Republicans, republitizzy, RINO, Ronald Reagan, Scott Brown, small government, Theodore Roosevelt, Washington Post, Whig Party

A possible Republitizzy.

According to Glen Johnson of the AP, the Republican faithful have branded Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown a ‘Benedict’ after voting with the Democrats on a recent jobs bill.

Much ado about nothing, I suspect.  I haven’t seen the Drudge piece which Johnson cites, but even assuming that the AP piece correctly captures the spirit of the Drudge article, I don’t believe that’s indicative of any widespread Republican rage.

At least I hope not.

The Republicans absolutely deserve to be where they are right now.  For years their ranks have been clogged with second-raters who have allowed the small-government/personal liberty core of Republican ideology to be diluted, and allowing Christian ideology to morph into Christian policy.

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Apparently, Noah’s Ark Was Circular

24 Wednesday Feb 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Critters, History, Mythology, Religion, The Bible

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Ark of the Covenant, Guardian UK, jackalope, Noah's Ark, Raiders of the Lost Ark, unicorn

And, if I’ve got my facts straight, it melts your face to look upon it.   

The Unicorn, Jackalope And This Fellow All Missed The Boat

For a less dubious appraisal, read this: Relic reveals Noah’s ark was circular | UK news | The Guardian.

 

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