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23 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in History, News

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

African-Americans, bigotry, black leaders, California, CBC, Congressional Black Caucus, Democratic Party, double standards, Elijah Cummings, exclusionary policy, G. K. Butterfield, G. K. Butterfield is actually black!, Harold Ford, hypocrisy, Missouri, No Whites Allowed!, North Carolina, Pete Stark, playing the race card, preferential treatment, race-based admission, racial favoritism, racism, Republican Party, reverse racism, Stephen I Cohen, William Lacy Clay Jr., William Lacy Clay Sr.

By Smaktakula

Promoting Equality And Unity Through Race-Based Exclusion.

Americans take pride in the notion that their nation is a meritocracy, a place where the pathway to success remains open to every man, woman and child regardless of his or her race. This has not always been the case: for almost two-hundred years the United States denied equal rights to all its citizens based on the color of their skin. But times have changed, and most 21st Century Americans regard as odious any organization which precludes membership based on race. This is particularly true with regard to government.

Meet the Congressional Black Caucus. African-American members of the House of Representatives founded the CBC in 1971 to address inequities within the African-American community, particularly in regard to poverty, economic security, voting rights and health. Because the Caucus concerns itself exclusively with issues of importance to black Americans, critics of the Caucus or of Caucus members often find themselves cast as racists. The Caucus’ virtual immunity from criticism has until very recently permitted a remarkable lack of press scrutiny.

She Likely Takes A Dim View Of Race-Exclusive Organizations.

Although their membership has been primarily composed of Democrats (there have been a handful of black Republicans in congress over the years), the Congressional Black Caucus is not officially affiliated with any party. Other than being a congressperson, the one qualification for membership in the CBC is being black.

Despite this non-partisan stance, it might be expected that with the Caucus being almost exclusively comprised by Democrats, Caucus members’ loyalty might be divided between race and party. Not so. On numerous occasions the CBC has supported primary challengers against sitting Democrats if the challenger was African-American and the sitting Democrat was not.

Pete Stark, a California Democrat and white person, tried to join the CBC in 1975. Although the Caucus’ rules do not specifically prohibit white people from joining, Stark was politely rebuffed.

The CBC Is Keeping It Real, And By Real We Mean Exclusively African-American.

More recently, another white guy tried to join the club–Tennessee Democrat Stephen I. Cohen. While campaigning in the heavily black district formerly held by Harold Ford, Cohen promised that if elected, he would join the Caucus to better represent the interests of his constituents.

Cohen failed to understand that the CBC’s interest lie with black politicians, not black constituents. Shortly after Cohen won the seat, the Caucus made it clear that even one caucasian was one too many.

Undercover Brother: The Rep. From NC Is A Proud Member Of The Caucus.

Said Representative William Lacy Clay Jr., a Missouri Democrat, “Mr. Cohen asked for admission, and he got his answer.” Defending this policy, which might seem reminiscent of a Jim Crow era No Negroes In The Country Club practice, Clay said, “It’s an unwritten rule. It’s understood. It’s clear.”

Cohen said he became convinced that joining the caucus would be “a social faux pas” after seeing news reports that former Rep. William Lacy Clay Sr., D-Mo., a co-founder of the Caucus, had circulated a memo telling members it was “critical” that the group remain “exclusively African-American.”

Unfortunately, the delicious irony of race-based exclusion by a congressional body stemming directly from the civil rights movement seems lost on the members of the Caucus.

“Sir, There Is Nothing At All Ironic About Your Racism!”

It’s Okay Kansas, You Just Don’t Know No Better

11 Sunday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Amelia Earhart, bad decisions, Dennis Hopper, don't vote stupid, Dwight Eisenhower, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, foolish choices, Gwendolyn Brooks, Kansans, Kansas, Kansas City, Langston Hughes, Missouri, places that suck, Reverend Fred Phelps, Rick Santorum, Westboro Baptist Church, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Rick Santorum has been declared the winner of the Kansas caucuses!

Before You Judge The Kansans Too Harshly, Put Yourselves In Their Shoes. If You Were Forced To Live Out Your Days In An Anachronistic, Wheat-Choked Countertop Of A State With A Holstein Named Beulah As Your Sole Companion, You'd Likely Make Some Nutty Decisions Now And Then.

Did you know that Langston Hughes, Dennis Hopper, Gwendolyn Brooks, Amelia Earhart and Dwight Eisenhower all hailed from Kansas? Not a one of them thought enough of the place to die there.¹

Even Kansas' Most Famous City Isn't Actually IN Kansas.²

¹The Santorum vote starts to make more sense when you realize that Fred Phelps and his odious Westboro Baptist Church hail from Kansas. ∞ T.
²Okay, there is technically a Kansas City, Kansas–but you won’t ever be required to know that. ∞ T.

Santorum Trifecta!

08 Wednesday Feb 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bad decisions, Colorado, foolish choices, Minnesota, Missouri, Mitt Romney, presidential primary, Rick Santorum, stupid voters, United States of America, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Rick Santorum turned a great many heads on Tuesday when  he apparently swept the Republican primaries in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado, proving once again that running right down the center of the USA is a big ol’ streak of stupid.

Folks, You May Think You're Being Funny, But This Is An Important Job. Don't You See You're Just Giving Him Hope?

You promised you wouldn’t vote stupid! ∞ T.

I Swear, Officer–I Thought The Lady Was Already Dead When I Tried To Have Sex With Her

08 Friday Jul 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Culture, News, Stupidity

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

douchebaggery, Kansas City, mashers, Melvin L. Jackson, Missouri, molestation, pervertry, sex crimes, sexual assault, stupid criminals, WTF?, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Seriously, Where Can You Go To Meet Nice Girls Nowadays?

No one will argue that attempting to sexually assault an unconscious woman on a city sidewalk in broad daylight is not only breathtakingly callous, but utterly moronic as well.  Yet apparently, that’s just what one man did.

"Were I To Do It All Again, I Imagine I Would Take Better Care To Ascertain That The Victim Was Truly Dead Before Deciding To Embark Upon A Course Of Molestation."

But what separates 48-year-old ne’er-do-well Melvin L Jackson of Kansas City, Mo, from the rank-and-file masher is the novel excuse he provided to the authorities upon being caught in the act.  The reason for his heinous shenanigans, Jackson assured the police, was because he assumed the helpless woman was dead, adding that sexually assaulting an unconscious woman was “simply disgusting.”

"Hey Girl--You're Kinda Quiet. That's Okay, I Don't Like Talking All That Much."

Happy Thoughts For Tuesday: Thank God Michael Lohan Isn’t Your Dad

03 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Cinema, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, National Events, People, Relationships, Scandal, Social Networking, Television

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

avoiding responsibility, Bitch better have my money, bottom bitch, Branson, Brian Kaelin, Calcutta, cockroach, Dina Lohan, douchebaggery, famous for nothing, fare-dodgers, Fifteen Minutes of Fame, Frank Kapra, gaywads, gold digger, happy thoughts, India, It's A Wonderful Life, K-Fed, Kato Kaelin, Kevin Federline, LEAVE LINDSAY ALONE!!!, LiLo, Lindbergh Baby, Lindbergh Kidnapping, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan's father, making excuses, massive gaywad, Michael Lohan, Michael Lohan is a turd with eyes, Missouri, parasite, Periplaneta lohanis, remora, shitty parents, social climber, Space Shuttle Challenger, suckerfish, taking responsibility, the coke favored by Clan Lohan is neither a coal by-product nor a cola, unctuous pimp, vampire

By Smaktakula

In the tradition of such illustrious space-wasters as Brian “Kato” Kaelin and Kevin “K-Fed” Federline, unctuous pimp Michael Lohan has managed to keep food in his belly by crafting a persona famous for being semi-famous.  Lohan, no doubt a subscriber to the maxim, “All Roads Lead To Branson,” evinces no embarrassment that his appropriated “career” is supported only by clinging pathetically to his out-of-control offspring with all the tenacity and class of a Calcutta fare-dodger.

Lohan: Not A Homosexual, But A Massive Gaywad Nonetheless.

With Lohan’s bottom bitch in rehab following a short stint in jail, the talentless remora’s earning power has been drastically curtailed.  Typically, a cockroach will exhaust all means of escape when caught by surprise on a brightly lit kitchen floor. Periplaneta lohanis, a rare but particularly unpleasant sub-species, displays a markedly perverse tendency to do the opposite.  Rather than flee, Lohan is attracted to anything bright and shiny, scurrying from spotlight to spotlight in a desperate effort to wring every last drop from his fifteen minutes of unearned notoriety.

In a recent interview Lohan gushed, “I definitely blame myself and take responsibility for where my daughter is.”  It is extremely unlikely that Lohan would be so quick to take responsibility for his daughter’s actions if doing so carried with it any consequences.  However, since soul-searching self-recrimination costs Lohan nothing, and is unlikely to deprive him of his freedom, he can use it as a sop to the five or six people who have somehow managed to convince themselves that this leering cretin has in any way his daughter’s interests at heart.

Bonding With The Progeny: Bitch Better Have My Money.

It is certainly true that Lohan, abetted by his despicable ex-wife Dina, was a thoroughly shitty parent, and Promethean Times would like nothing better than to assign to Lohan the blame not only for the ruination of his own daughter, but also for such varied disasters as the kidnapping of the Lindbergh Baby, the Challenger Explosion, and greenlighting  New Coke.

Moreover, you can bet that no one holds Michael Lohan more responsible for the former starlet’s wretched condition than does his daughter, who has demonstrated a nearly sociopathic refusal to accept responsibility for her actions.  Nonetheless, it must generally be agreed that at some point a 24-year old woman is responsible for her own disastrous choices. With only two or three years at most left to live, Lindsay would be well-served to spend her remaining days judiciously.  Although such an outcome is unlikely, the younger Lohan can be thankful at least that her father cannot live her life for her.

Reminiscent Of Kapra's 'It's A Wonderful Life,' Lindsay Is Given The Opportunity To See What Her Father's Life Would Be Like If She Had Never Been Born.

Despite his staggering lack of either merit or talent, Michael Lohan stands head and shoulders above the teeming legions of Hollywood hangers-on.  It’s no feat to be hated by your ex-wife, and neither does the animosity directed at Lohan by his own offspring set him apart from rank-and-file deadbeats throughout the world.  Rather, it  is his perverse compulsion to share with the world through the miracle of the 24-hour news cycle his complete and utter failure as a father, husband and human being that catapults Michael Lohan into stratospheric company among the world’s elite paragons of cretinous douchebaggery.

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