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Tag Archives: bad decisions

Sad Thoughts: Remunerative Inequality

15 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, Stupidity

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

alcohol, bad decisions, Beer Goggles, celebriskanks, life is a cruel bitch sometimes, poor impulse control, reality television, schadenfreude, unlike your 15 minutes of fame a child lasts forever, wasted life, white trash, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Bummer: The wayward strumpets on MTV’s Teen Mom get paid a lot more than you do.

This Child Is A Living Testament That, Given Enough Liquor, A Man Will Hump Just About Anything.

“Have you met my kids?  The older boy’s named Beer Goggles and this is my daughter, Regretta.  The little one’s Cody.”

Schadenfreuderiffic! At least she’s going to jail! ∞ T.

It’s Okay Kansas, You Just Don’t Know No Better

11 Sunday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Amelia Earhart, bad decisions, Dennis Hopper, don't vote stupid, Dwight Eisenhower, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, foolish choices, Gwendolyn Brooks, Kansans, Kansas, Kansas City, Langston Hughes, Missouri, places that suck, Reverend Fred Phelps, Rick Santorum, Westboro Baptist Church, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Rick Santorum has been declared the winner of the Kansas caucuses!

Before You Judge The Kansans Too Harshly, Put Yourselves In Their Shoes. If You Were Forced To Live Out Your Days In An Anachronistic, Wheat-Choked Countertop Of A State With A Holstein Named Beulah As Your Sole Companion, You'd Likely Make Some Nutty Decisions Now And Then.

Did you know that Langston Hughes, Dennis Hopper, Gwendolyn Brooks, Amelia Earhart and Dwight Eisenhower all hailed from Kansas? Not a one of them thought enough of the place to die there.¹

Even Kansas' Most Famous City Isn't Actually IN Kansas.²

¹The Santorum vote starts to make more sense when you realize that Fred Phelps and his odious Westboro Baptist Church hail from Kansas. ∞ T.
²Okay, there is technically a Kansas City, Kansas–but you won’t ever be required to know that. ∞ T.

Santorum Trifecta!

08 Wednesday Feb 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bad decisions, Colorado, foolish choices, Minnesota, Missouri, Mitt Romney, presidential primary, Rick Santorum, stupid voters, United States of America, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Rick Santorum turned a great many heads on Tuesday when  he apparently swept the Republican primaries in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado, proving once again that running right down the center of the USA is a big ol’ streak of stupid.

Folks, You May Think You're Being Funny, But This Is An Important Job. Don't You See You're Just Giving Him Hope?

You promised you wouldn’t vote stupid! ∞ T.

Promethean Times Endorses Newt Gingrich

31 Tuesday Jan 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, News, Politics

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

ambition, bad decisions, cruelty, douchebaggery, GOP, Great Depression, Newt Gingrich, political endorsements, Republicans, ridiculous nicknames, short memory, United States of America, venality, Washington Insider, Washington Outsider

Promethean Times Editorial Staff

Just Look At The Man; You Can See How Much He Cares.

It just wouldn’t be an election cycle without some earnest gasbag telling you that this election is the most important in our lifetimes. This platitude becomes especially poignant in 2012–the most important election of our lifetimes. With the nation’s economy in tatters, our remaining resources bled by unsupportable foreign adventurism, and possessed of a moral and spiritual despondency heretofore unseen since the Great Depression, about the only thing left for Americans to do is to close their eyes, step down hard on the gas pedal and pray that the next life is more kind.

Family Values Are Just Like Any Other Value, And There’s A Lot Of Value In Chucking The Old Model When A New One Comes Along.

Unless we wish to see our national demise become a painful, drawn-out affair, the US needs a president who, like Samson of the Bible, will in his last breath tear down the pillars of society, who will remain unburdened by the prudish notions of loyalty and marital fidelity and for whom the truth is but another tool in his masterful arsenal. Now, more than ever, America needs Newt Gingrich.

‘King Of The Hill.’ That’s What They Used To Call Newt Before He Became A Washington Outsider.

Come on folks, let’s turn into the skid!

Venality ♥ Cruelty ♥ Ambition

Drive Safely When There’s Coke In The Trunk, Kids

05 Tuesday Jul 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in News, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bad decisions, chicken, cocaine, coke, drugs, Florida, guns, idiots, multitasking, perfect storm of stupidity, police car, poor judgement, Shawn Smith, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

He's Right To Look Dejected: The Man's A Fucking Idiot.

On June 10th, 2011, a perfect storm of stupidity caught luckless moron Shawn Smith in its pitiless grasp. Smith’s troubles began when his car nearly collided with a police car, leading to a traffic stop.  The cataclysmically-retarded Floridian no doubt regrets the erratic driving caused in no small part by his failure to maintain control of his automobile while engaged in a spirited cell phone conversation and enjoying a delicious chicken dinner.  He likely also regrets the pile of cocaine and the multiple handguns which the cop subsequently found in his vehicle.

Cocaine: It Can Make You Do Stupid Shit.

No Brains, But Guts To Spare

15 Wednesday Jun 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Music, News, Science, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bad decisions, black market body parts, China, consumerism, death by kidney failure, foolish choices, fucking idiots, greed, Guandong, iPad 2, iPhone, jackassery, kidney, morons, organ donors, organ sales, stupid people, vital organs, Why am I so stupid?, Xiao Zheng, you so dumb

By Smaktakula

"Sell A Vital Organ And Thereby Seriously Jeopardize My Remaining 60-Plus Years For A Couple Pieces Of Overpriced Electronic Crap, Which Are Even Now Hurtling Toward Obsolescence? Dude--You Had Me At The Open Quote."

Disproving the long-standing stereotype that Chinese children are better educated and more intelligent than their Western counterparts, one young man in China has set out to prove that Chinese youth are every bit as stupid as Western kids, if not even more stupider.*  Xiao Zheng, a 17-year-old moron from Guangdong province in China, was so horny for electronic products that it seemed a good idea to sell body parts to get them.

But Xiao was no fool; he wasn’t about to go selling critically important organs like his heart, liver or appendix–the absence of which would bring about immediate death, preventing him from playing with his blood-bought doodads.  Instead, he chose from paired organs, finally settling on a kidney.  Considered a vital–or at the very least really important– organ by most medical professionals, the kidney filters waste from the blood, as well as performing several other duties in support of a properly functioning body.

We're Told It's Pretty Important.

Xiao pushed ahead with his hard-thought plan, permitting an anonymous assembly line surgeon with questionable hygiene to rummage his innards before ripping out the healthy organ.  But the slaughterhouse docs were as good as their word, paying Xiao the kingly sum of 22,000 Yuan, or about $3,400.  Meanwhile a cancer-ridden septuagenarian billionaire was able to add a few months to his papery half-life thanks to the gift of the teenager’s kidney, paying the black marketeers enough to ensure a ridiculous profit margin–so in the end, everybody won.

Xiao didn’t waste his nearly 3.5 grand by investing it by bribing a local official for higher placement on the civil service exam or for his inevitable future dialysis treatments.  Instead, he used the money as he always intended, to buy an iPad 2 and a boss new iPhone.

Xiao is already planning his financial strategy for purchasing the next generation of those devices when they ship early next year–he’ll sell more paired organs.  The maimed lad is already gauging responses from potential buyers for one of his eyes or a lung.  Sadly, Xiao’s liquid physical resources end there–alas, he was born with just one testicle.

.Don't Look Now, But We Think A Certain Someone Is About To Completely Lose His Shit And Mow Down The Cheerleading Squad.

*While it’s true that the comparative and superlative forms of ‘stupid’ are ‘stupider’ and ‘stupidest’ respectively, Smaktakula is employing the superduperlative form.  Now you know.  ∞T.

Hudgens Sets New Standard In Leaked Nudie Pix

11 Monday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Cinema, Culture, News

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Amber Portwood, bad decisions, closeted entertainers, High School Musical, internet pornography, poor impulse control, stupid shit little girls like, Sucker Punch, tween romance, Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron

By Smaktakula

We Only Bring This Up Because There Seems To Be Kind Of A Pattern Going On Here, But You Know They DO Make Cell Phones Without Cameras In Them.

Quickly following the theatrical release of her crossover bid Sucker Punch, racy photos of tween idol Vanessa Hudgens were released on the internet.  This makes an astounding third time the unlucky actress has seen her intimate photos leaked.  In an amazing coincidence, all three leaks have occurred while films featuring Hudgens were playing in theaters.  Despite being the victim, societal double-standards and Hudgens’ own status as a role model, should be enough to bring the blame for this incident squarely on the young starlet’s shoulders.

If You Rent 'High School Musical' Expecting To See Anything Like This, You're Going To Be Disappointed. A Lot.

Although they are few in number, Hudgens has her defenders, who point to her recent breakup with actor Zac Efron.  Supporters contend that the sudden absence from Hudgens’ life of such a juggernaut of testosterone-drenched heterosexual dynamism has affected both her judgement and libido.

Sometimes We Fear Zac Will Never Find The Right Girl.

Of course, the loudest voices will ring with scorn and derision.  Moralists will find much to condemn in these images, as will those who think the human body is a source of shame and sin.  But with the scandalous proliferation of internet nudie pix by such low-rent hags as Amber Portwood, isn’t it a bit of a nice change every now and then to see an attractive person naked?

Look--Your Best Shot Is To Go For 'Pretty On The Inside'--And We Have To Tell You, This Is Not Helping.

Pepperoni, Sausage, Simplex

12 Wednesday Jan 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bad decisions, childish sexual innuendo, foul and disgusting things, Gonorrhea Twists, herpes, Herpes Pie, herpes pizza, herpes simplex, pizza, poorly-chosen names, STDs, STDs are no laughing matter!, Syphilis Whips, the gift that keeps on giving, unlike your 15 minutes of fame herpes lasts forever, venereal disease

By Smaktakula

Take a hard look at the image below.  Do you notice anything unpleasant about the sign above the pizza shop?

This Chain Famously Shuts Its Doors For Months At A Time, Only To Appear At Your Door As If By Magic Just As You're Getting Ready For A Really Nice (And Now Hopefully, Understanding) Meal.

Good eye, folks!  Not only does the sign employ a color scheme so vulgar in its crass insouciance to almost defy description, but the antiquated font harkens back to the days of the Silicon Valley Boom, and frankly is a little hard to read.

“So that’s one family size Herpes Pie and four medium Cokes.  Did you wanna take home any Gonorrhea Twists or Syphilis Whips tonight?”

A Great New Way To Make Mom And Dad Pay For What They Did

13 Friday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Cinema, Culture, Duh, General Foolishness, Health, Hollywood, People, Social Networking

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

attention-seeking behavior, bad decisions, caveat emptor, Chicago, citizen of Clan Arquette, crazy fucker, crazy people, Dad, daddy issues, David A. Cox, David Arquette, Did Courtney Cox lose a bet?, foolish choices, gettin' inked, getting back at mom and dad, ink, Mom, obscure celebrities, tats, tattoos, tiresome anachronism, untalented stars

By Smaktakula

Why not get inked by tiresome former celebrity and citizen of Clan Arquette, David A. Cox?   

"It's A Dragon That Shoots Dragons From Its Eyes! And Then Those Dragons Shoot Dragons From Their Eyes, Too! And Then Those Dragons--Guess What They Shoot From Their Eyes? Guess! Oh, Man! You Are So Not Gonna Regret This!"

Well, you know what, Mom?  Maybe if you’d bought me Red Power Ranger with the light-up eyes and collectible key chain for Christmas 1999 like I asked you to, then maybe I wouldn’t need to get the Chinese character for ‘Fire’ tattooed on my chest.  But what do I know, right?  I’m only your son.  You tell me, Mom.  You tell me.

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