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Monthly Archives: March 2010

2010 Seattle Mariners Commercials

22 Monday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Baseball, Commercials, Sports, Television

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

2010 Seattle Mariners commercials, Baseball, Cliff Lee, Ichiro, Ichiro Suzuki, Ken Griffey Jr., love that dare not speak its name, Milton Bradley, Seattle Mariners

Despite how it may appear, Ken Griffey Jr. and Ichiro Suzuki are not expressing the love which dare not speak its name–at least not explicitly.  This is just one of several amusing 2010 Seattle Mariners commercials (with bloopers):

For a while now the Seattle Mariners have been producing excellent commercials featuring both high production values and also a folksy, small-market vibe.

This year’s offerings include Cliff Lee as “The Man With Two First Names,” “The Bullpen Abomination” and “Griffey Chats With Ichiro.” 

If at least a few things go right for Seattle in 2010 (hopefully the news that peevish outfielder Milton Bradley has already been tossed twice in the preseason is not an omen of rough seas ahead), the Mariners look like they might be ready to challenge to challenge in the AL West.  With a little luck, the team’s commercials may not be the highlight of the 2010 season.

Smaktakula

Ron Washington Makes Requisite Cocaine Apology

19 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Baseball, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, People, Political Correctness, Scandal, Sports

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

A-Rod, Alex Rodgriguez, anabolic steroids, cocaine, George W. Bush, hypocrisy, Jose Canseco, Ken Caminiti, MLB, Ron Washington, Texas Rangers

The Age of the Enforced Apology continues.                    

Texas Rangers Manager Ron Washington apologized for testing positive for cocaine last summer.  Our celebrity-obsessed society dictates that what would be an embarrassing episode for a private citizen, must become an excercise in self-flagellation for anyone who appears on television more than twice a year.  This is not only hypocritical and hurtful, but pointless.           

Our sympathies lie with Mr. Washington.  There is this bit of sticky business, however:                    

Washington said that he used the drug one time and it’s the only time he has used cocaine in his life.                    

Wha?  Who tries coke for the first time at 57 years old?  Really–who does that?  Ron, we’re on your side here, but don’t treat us like we’re idiots.                   

Ron Washington is not the only person associated with the Texas Rangers to have grappled with drug issues:                    

Player 2001-2003: Steroids

Player 1992-1994: Steroids & Probably More

Player 2001: Just About Everything

Owner 1989-1994: Alcohol & Cocaine

See If You Accept Ron’s Apology: Washington apologizes for cocaine use | MLB.com: News.               

 Smaktakula

NY Times: Drone Attack Is Said to Kill a Senior Al Qaeda Leader

19 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in International Relations, Middle East, Military, Terrorism, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Afghanistan, al Qaeda, corrupt Afghan despot, Hamid Karzai, Hussein al-Yemeni, North Waziristan, Pakistan, secret meetings

On March 8th, in Pakistan’s North Waziristan province, an American drone eliminated al Qaeda bad guy, Hussein al-Yemeni .        

Just so that there’s no hard feelings, I hope somebody checked first to make sure this douchebag wasn’t holding secret meetings with al-Yemeni before the US smoked him:        

Whose Blood And Treasure Will Be Required For Afghanistan?

Hopefully Our Staunch Ally Karzai Won’t Be Upset When He Reads Drone Attack Is Said to Kill a Senior Qaeda Leader – NYTimes.com.

Rhode Island Asshat Hangs President In Effigy

19 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, General Foolishness, National Events, National Politics, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

asshat, Barack Obama, Central Falls, douchebaggery, fired teacher, Frances Gallo, fucknugget, George W. Bush, hate crime, jackassery, No Child Left Behind, president hanged in effigy, president hung in effigy, racist, Rhode Island, Rhode Island teacher, teachers, teachers union, The Elementary and Secondary Education Act

President Obama appears to like George W. Bush’s odious “No Child Left Behind,” a policy which for years now has been ensuring that No Child Gets Ahead.   A name change–“The Elementary And Secondary Education Act”–and a few tweaks, allow the current president to continue to revile the former chief executive while himself continuing those once-reviled policies (see also: Victory in Iraq, Obama and).

One fired Rhode Island teacher was particularly displeased with Obama’s education agenda.   And did this gentleman display his displeasure in a manner which would not only make his point, but do it in a gentle and poignant way, one hopefully which wouldn’t cast those opposed to Obameducation (formerly Bushedjumication) as fringey lunatics?

He did not.  He hanged the President in effigy.

He.  Hanged.  The.  President.  In.  Effigy.  That’s a great way to rally people to your cause– if the people you want to attract wear tinfoil over their heads and obsess about fluoridation.

Nice going, fucknugget.

Kudos to the Washington Post for not mentioning the words “racist” or “hate crime.”  They’ll most likely include them in tomorrow’s edition.

Check out this guy’s dickhead move: Obama effigy hung at RI school with fired teachers – washingtonpost.com.

Smaktakula

Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct

18 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, General Foolishness, Justice, Prison Culture, Relationships, Scandal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ACLU, chutzpah, don't drop the soap, female prison guards, Fox news, magnificent bastard, Michael Murphy, Montana State Prison, prison sex, sex in prison, sex with inmates, sex with prisoners, sexual misconduct, shower assault, you got a real purty mouth

You came for the headline, stay for the article.

This piece from Fox News is somewhat counterintuitive in that it alleges that female guards commit more sex acts with male inmates than do male guards with female inmates.

I know, right?

Perhaps even more compelling is the story of Michael Murphy, the Montana inmate who had sex with at least five prison employees, including his therapist.  Murphy told the ACLU that he had been sexually assaulted by the five women, demonstrating a phenomenal level of chutzpah in addition to his undeniable sexual magnetism. 

Promethean Times salutes Michael Murphy.  God speed, you magnificent bastard!

Michael Murphy (Artist's Conception)

Apparently Prison Sex Isn’t All About Getting Raped In The Shower: Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct – Local News Articles | National News | US News – FOXNews.com

Smaktakula

Walmart Likes To Kick ‘Em When They’re Down

18 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Corporate Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, Justice

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

brain cancer, corporate douchebaggery, corporate policy, cruel, dope, douchebaggery, ganja, heartless, inoperable cancer, Joseph Casias, marijuana, medical marijuana, pot, reefer, sinus cancer, sweet sweet cheeba, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart is evil, Wal-Mart sucks, weed

Wal-Mart, never known for its benevolent business tactics or for treating its employees like human beings, has taken dickheadedness to new and exciting heights heretofore undreamed in the long and storied annals of corporate douchebaggery.

Joseph Casias was fired for violating Wal-Mart’s drug policy by using marijuana.

Was he toking up in the Wal-Mart?

No, it turned up in a blood test after he was injured at work.

Aha!  Well, cannabis use is against policy.

Mr. Casias used marijuana for medical reasons.

No doubt.   Did he get it for chronic insomnia?

Yeah, that–along with inoperable brain and sinus cancer.

. . .

A story so bathed in pathos would give almost pause to almost any other corporate juggernaut–even the most despicable and black-hearted.  But the Great Beast Wal-Mart is not simply any corporate juggernaut; it is an entity unto itself and unlike anything known to man.  Wal-Mart divested itself of compassion along with high prices a long time ago.  The only time pathos can expect notice from Wal-Mart is when it comes with a price tag.

Wal-Mart said it had no plans to rehire Mr. Casias, but that it wished him the very best, from the bottom of its black and kitten skull-encrusted heart.

Impressed By Wal-Mart's Indifference To Human Suffering

Never before has douchebaggery been offered at such  a low, low price: FOXNews.com – Wal-Mart ‘Sympathetic’ to Man Fired for Using Medical Pot, but Won’t Rehire Him.

Smaktakula

Shane MacGowan Is Still Alive (As Of This Writing): Happy St. Patrick’s Day And God Bless Us All!

17 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

alcohol abuse, Anglo-Irish, drug addiction, Ireland, Pogue Mahone, Pogues, Popes, Rake at the Gates of Hell, Shane MacGowan, Shane MacGowan is still alive!, St. Patrick's Day, still alive, what's wrong with Shane's teeth?

Corrupt Afghan Despot Has Hissyfit Over Capture Of Taliban BFF

17 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in International Relations, Justice, Middle East, Military, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Afghanistan, corrupt Afghan despot, corruption, Hamid Karzai, ingratitude, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, Pakistan, Pakistani forces, secret meetings, Taliban, treachery, United States of America, US Intelligence

The election-rigging, opponent-intimidating, undemocratic yet American-backed president of Afghanistan is all wound up by the capture of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar by Pakistani forces aided by US intelligence.   It was revealed that Karzai was engaging in secret talks with the high-ranking Taliban official.  After this incident, Karzai is afraid that the Taliban will forever regard him as a big jerk. 

Karzai: Hurt Feelings Resulted From The Capture Of The Enemy With Whom He Was Secretly Meeting

You knew Karzai was corrupt, but did you know he was a treacherous ingrate?  Well, read this anyway: Aide: Karzai ‘Very Angry’ at Taliban Boss’ Arrest – Afghanistan | Map | War – FOXNews.com.    

Smaktakula

A Confederacy Of D-Bags

16 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Scandal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Andrew Young, Blago, Cheri Young, contempt of court, douchebaggery, Eliot Spitzer, Elizabeth Edwards, Game Change, Gary Hart, GQ photo spread, John Edwards, John Edwards sex tape, Judge Abraham Penn, National Enquirer, political leper, political pariah, Rielle Hunter, Rod Blagojevich, Spiro Agnew, superior court

By Smaktakula

Ex-John Edwards aide Andrew Young  has been ordered by Superior Court Judge Abraham Penn to return all copies of a sex tape allegedly made by Edwards and his mistress, Rielle Hunter.  Failing this, Young and his wife Cheri face jail for contempt of court.         

It’s hard to have sympathy for any of the players in this sad drama–certainly not the Youngs, who are accused of holding extra copies of the sex tape, nor for the ostensible victims, Edwards and Hunter.       

Edwards: Not Always A Political Leper

Edwards, who came close to capturing the vice presidency in 2004, has since then systematically shredded every last vestige of his reputation, and sent his once-promising political career spiralling wildly beyond Gary Hart territory, finally settling in the land of posterity’s bottom-feeders, featuring the likes of  Spiro Agnew and future Trivial Pursuit answers  Rod “Blago” Blagojevich and Eliot Spitzer.  According to Game Change, Edwards was so self-deluded even after being outed as Hunter’s babydaddy by a supermarket tabloid, the pretty North Carolinian was still angling to be Obama’s Attorney General.         

Edwards’ decision to make a sex tape with Hunter, let alone allowing it to fall out of his possession, is a course of action so decidedly reckless and even stupid that it begs the question: Did Edwards sabotage himself intentionally?         

It’s doubtful–Edwards appears to be divorced from reality.  What does remain open to debate is the question, to what degree?  Despite all the storms Edwards has weathered in the past two years, the former senator remains capable of Herculean feats of self-deception, even if increasingly he can’t fool much of anybody else.  Most recently, he’s taken his act to Haiti, vowing to help the Haitians as only John Edwards can.  Presumably, this means suing the manufacturers of faulty swimming pool pumps.  If this is the indeed the case, the Haitian swimming pool supply industry may need to apply for some of the international relief funds which continue to pour into Haiti: Edwards may be cheap, but his bill won’t be.         

Rielle Hunter might be the most interesting player in this drama, not only for her role as a future footnote in the annals of history, but also for both for many lives she’s lived– among them actress, a savvy videographer who could make YouTube work for political candidates, game-show contestant, fraud victim and the inspiration for a literary character.  Perhaps her ability to reinvent herself is what Edwards saw in her in the first place.  Like Hunter, Edwards is a chameleon, in which the search for identity is life’s meaning.         

Hunter is shedding her most recent skin for GQ.  Painted for so long as “the other woman,” Hunter wants to show the world the kind of wholesome gal she is.         

Hunter: Tasetful GQ "Spread"

 Young, Edwards’ former lickspittle and author of the recent political tell-all The Politician, wants us to know that he was a pawn in something beyond his ken.  Edwards was a Rasputin, Young would have us believe, and caught his innocent aide in the web of his machinations.  It was for those reasons–loyalty, esprit de corps, hero-worship–that Young humiliated his own family by claiming to be the father of Rielle Hunter’s child.  Sadder yet, it appears this deception fooled no one, except perhaps for Elizabeth Edwards.        

At first it seemed that Cheri Young’s only wrongdoing was exercising poor choice in agreeing to marry Andrew Young.  When most of the public knew that Edwards was almost certainly the father of Hunter’s child, it was still possible to pity the humiliated Cheri when her husband ridiculously claimed to be the father of  Hunter’s child.  With the potential contempt charges hanging over Cheri as well as her husband, it appears that the wronged wife has at least a little of the grifter in her.  In this, she’s found herself in welcome company.         

Young: Claims Not To Be A Sneering Ass

 Currently, the bizarre quartet comprising Edwards, Hunter and the Youngs is now split into two very distinct–and opposing–camps.  Promethean Times predicts that in a few short years, when the money’s run out and the notoriety isn’t enough even to keep the National Enquirer interested, what is now two will most likely be four.         

Elizabeth Edwards: Hard To Believe John Would Go Outside The Marriage For Sex

 

This Day In History: March 15, 44 BCE

15 Monday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in History, Politics

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

15 March 44 BC, Et tu Brute?, Ides of March, Julius Caesar, Marcus Junius Brutus, political assassination, political killing, Roman Senate, Rome, senators, this day in history, treachery

On which Gaius Julius Caesar has a very bad day.

He'll Miss The Senate St. Patrick's Day Party For Sure

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