By Smaktakula
In which we once again present some of the various search-engine keywords used to find Promethean Times. Some, we suspect, were not on purpose. See our first installment here: Not What You Were Looking For?.
live aid Geez, you put up one stupid Live Aid post, and suddenly you’ve got idiots knocking down your door for the rest of time. Is Freddie Mercury really that beloved? Thank you so much, Mike Meyers. You too, Carvey.
humboldt promethean society Not sure if we can help you. The Prometheus Society is club for freaks too smart for Mensa. Smaktakula takes a dim view of organizations whose rigorous standards preclude his admission. While there may in fact be many such individuals living in isolated cabins deep within the remote wilderness of Humboldt, these reclusive geniuses are no doubt so removed from society at large that they’re unlikely to turn up on an internet search. Fortunately, anyone that smart knows to stay away from the demon weed, the great bane of the Humboldt.
narco children Frances Bean Cobain just wants to live a normal life. Please try to respect that.
redman fraternal organization Right here. Whites only, please.
criticism should 1549 “Sullenberger” We will tolerate no criticism of the heroic Captain Sullenberger. The birds sent you, didn’t they?
wind up monkey Clang! Clang!
underage boys blog We can’t help you, but thanks for checking. Please remember to remain at least 500 feet from schools and city parks at all times.
america soccer ambivalence Happy to oblige.
bad mullet Is there any other kind?
when mullets attack We’re listening.
hell of a mullet Hell yeah!
skanky ho lindsay lohan Isn’t she, though?
raves should be illegal and banned Big Dittos, Rush!
old rainier brewery rave Smaktakula may have attended one of these. As a narc, of course.
will marijuana be legal in 2010 Not if Promethean Times has anything to say about it, Hippie!
ramtha volcanic eruption We’ve got it.
ramtha marijuana Interesting. Tell us more.
bush brothers & co new product New? Treachery is as old as time itself.
passionate people and constructive crit Tell it to your diary, Nancy.
bull rider die And how!
waco massacre Dammit, Janet!
driving courtesy tips THANK YOU.
george sherrill beard—Yeah, we hate it too.
jesse sherrill senior rape trial 2010 You’re thinking of Jessie Sherrill, an accused rapist from Christian County, Kentucky. We’ve got George Sherrill, whose late-inning incompetence doesn’t look half as bad when juxtaposed with a rapist.
kim jong il in united states Supposedly he’s in the United States secretly to buy DVDs and to fight female rapper ‘Lil Kim to the death over the use of the diminutive. It is imperative that the United States Government not allow Kim to purchase those DVDs.
garfield the cat pitchman Fuck his fat lasagna-craving ass. Promethean Times has never apologized for our Morrisist leanings and we never will. Fuck Nermal and Odie, too.
haimster, 1971-2010 It still hurts.
pakastani home mad porn movies Ah! A connoisseur!
irene folstrom Isn’t she the coffee heiress that the Manson kids chopped up?
mister wal mart He got laid off.
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obama surprised Say Whaaaaaaaat?
sexy man cock Fred, just stop. While we must admit we were initially flattered by your attention, your persistence has become a real turn-off. The answer is no.
billie joe armstrong’s penis We hear it’s tiny. Tommy Lee’s joint, however–now, that’s a penis.
johnston’s procedure penis A procedure to remedy “Torsion of the penis” which sounds pretty awful, and makes Smaktakula a bit of a dick for including it here.
north korean prison food Don’t be foolish. There hasn’t been food in North Korea for years.
john bobbit penis + picture It’s in your bathroom above the sink. Try looking at eye level.
have proven have proved Look, Smaktakula’s grammar is pretty goddamn good, but everybody makes mistakes. You think this is easy? You think it’s just talking like an Oxford ponce and liberally peppering the whole thing with vulgarities? Okay, so maybe it is–but let’s see you try it, cock-knocker. But then, we have an unfortunate tendency to over-analyze.
iran haircut policy Surprisingly progressive.
promethean lawsuit Uh oh.
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