23 Tuesday Aug 2011
Posted in Culture
Tags
carelessness, conflagration, death by automobile, death by truck, distracted drivers, foolish choices, tanker trucks, unfortunate ways to die
A jarringly useless and embarrassing way to die is in a fiery conflagration set in motion when you become mesmerized by your own car’s image in the highly-reflective back of a particularly shiny tanker truck.
When The Tiny Car In This Picture Grows Abruptly Large, It's Past Time To Apply The Brakes.
16 Tuesday Aug 2011
Tags
cancer, childish, crude, douchebaggery, foolish choices, golden showers, New York, Olympics, On Golden Pond, Oregon, poor impulse control, Portland, public urination, R. Kelly, Robert "Sandy" Vietze, skiing, smooth move Ex-Lax, Team USA, urination
Vietze's Career Is Golden And Smells Of Ammonia.
Talented downhiller Robert “Sandy” Vietze found out too late that when he urinated on a little girl during a flight to New York, he was also pissing all over his once-promising Olympic career. The elite skier, 18, reportedly traded Olympic gold for a golden shower when he hosed down the sleeping 11-year-old during a redeye flight from Portland.
It Happened Pretty Much Like This.
Although he has been removed from the US Team roster,Vietze will likely escape prosecution because the girl, who was travelling to New York with her cancer-stricken father, is to too traumatized to provide evidence. She and her family are trying to make the best of this horrifying experience.
When You Wake Amid A Golden Shower, It Can Seem Overwhelming.
Vietze is obviously concerned about that public reaction to the incident not be overblown, claiming that his actions were inadvertent and completely out of character. The athlete doesn’t want to be painted as irresponsible, explaining that he had no way of knowing that the eight alcoholic drinks he consumed immediately before takeoff would have such a profound affect on his judgement.
R. Kelly Also Likes To Pee On Little Girls, But Unlike Vietze, He'll Make Honest Women Of Them.
21 Tuesday Jun 2011
Tags
death by automobile, foolish choices, Jackass, jackassery, live fast die young, MTV, Philadelphia, poor judgement, Roger Ebert, Ryan Dunn, Why am I so stupid?
Live By The Sword . . . There's More, We Think, But That's All We Recall At The Moment.
Ryan Dunn, of Jackass fame, was killed early Monday morning when his Porsche collided with a tree in suburban Philadelphia. A passenger in Dunn’s vehicle was also killed in the crash, but details on the person’s identity have been slow in coming, presumably because he or she was not a celebrity and therefore suffered a non-newsworthy death.
They Might If They Were Jackasses Themselves.
The 34-year-old star of MTV’s Jackass was best known for ridiculous and dangerous stunts, the kind which are most often accompanied by boldfaced warnings not to try this at home. Although initial police reports indicate that the actor may have been travelling at excessive speed, those close to the reality star contend that such irresponsible and potentially life-threatening behavior would be completely out of character for Dunn.
15 Wednesday Jun 2011
Tags
bad decisions, black market body parts, China, consumerism, death by kidney failure, foolish choices, fucking idiots, greed, Guandong, iPad 2, iPhone, jackassery, kidney, morons, organ donors, organ sales, stupid people, vital organs, Why am I so stupid?, Xiao Zheng, you so dumb
"Sell A Vital Organ And Thereby Seriously Jeopardize My Remaining 60-Plus Years For A Couple Pieces Of Overpriced Electronic Crap, Which Are Even Now Hurtling Toward Obsolescence? Dude--You Had Me At The Open Quote."
Disproving the long-standing stereotype that Chinese children are better educated and more intelligent than their Western counterparts, one young man in China has set out to prove that Chinese youth are every bit as stupid as Western kids, if not even more stupider.* Xiao Zheng, a 17-year-old moron from Guangdong province in China, was so horny for electronic products that it seemed a good idea to sell body parts to get them.
But Xiao was no fool; he wasn’t about to go selling critically important organs like his heart, liver or appendix–the absence of which would bring about immediate death, preventing him from playing with his blood-bought doodads. Instead, he chose from paired organs, finally settling on a kidney. Considered a vital–or at the very least really important– organ by most medical professionals, the kidney filters waste from the blood, as well as performing several other duties in support of a properly functioning body.
We're Told It's Pretty Important.
Xiao pushed ahead with his hard-thought plan, permitting an anonymous assembly line surgeon with questionable hygiene to rummage his innards before ripping out the healthy organ. But the slaughterhouse docs were as good as their word, paying Xiao the kingly sum of 22,000 Yuan, or about $3,400. Meanwhile a cancer-ridden septuagenarian billionaire was able to add a few months to his papery half-life thanks to the gift of the teenager’s kidney, paying the black marketeers enough to ensure a ridiculous profit margin–so in the end, everybody won.
Xiao didn’t waste his nearly 3.5 grand by investing it by bribing a local official for higher placement on the civil service exam or for his inevitable future dialysis treatments. Instead, he used the money as he always intended, to buy an iPad 2 and a boss new iPhone.
Xiao is already planning his financial strategy for purchasing the next generation of those devices when they ship early next year–he’ll sell more paired organs. The maimed lad is already gauging responses from potential buyers for one of his eyes or a lung. Sadly, Xiao’s liquid physical resources end there–alas, he was born with just one testicle.
.Don't Look Now, But We Think A Certain Someone Is About To Completely Lose His Shit And Mow Down The Cheerleading Squad.
06 Friday May 2011
Tags
child brides, cultural backwater, foolish choices, Gypsies, pederast, pervert, places that suck, regrets, Rifca Stanescu, Romany, statutory rape, they're called Romany 'cause they're always roamin' around, wasted life
Lots Of People Throw Away Their Lives As Teenagers; At Least She Did It For Love.
Twenty-three-year-old Rifca Stanescu had mixed emotions regarding the coming of her first grandson. Of course she was happy for her twelve-year-old daughter on the birth of her child, but couldn’t help wishing that the girl had waited a few years before following Rifca’s example and throwing her life down the toilet.*
National Geographic's Hard-Hitting Profile Of Romany Culture.
Stanescu can take some satisfaction that her daughter will grow up in an age where she is able to make her own choices, such as the decision to marry her husband at age 10. Rifca Stanescu didn’t get to make that choice. When at 11, her family refused the marriage proposal of her future husband’s family, she was kidnapped and raped, which in Romany (the universally beloved folk formerly known as the Gypsies) culture, apparently means you’re married.
Mishka Is Just Thrilled That She Still Fits Into This Old Thing.
28 Monday Feb 2011
Tags
Amber Portwood, As Seen On TV, celebriskanks, famous for nothing, foolish choices, horrifying images, hussies, internet pornography, reality television, Roseanne Barr, skanks, Teen Mom, unlike your 15 minutes of fame herpes lasts forever, untalented stars, viral, Why am I so fat?, Why am I so stupid?, your mother must be very proud
Is There A Red-Blooded Male Out There Who HASN'T Asked Himself At Least Once, "What Would That Thing Look Like Naked?"
Overpaid hussy Amber Portwood is said to be ‘devastated’ by the recent release of several compromising pictures, which have rapidly gone viral. The untalented reality star claims that the nude photos, which she labels “non-sexual,” were stolen from her phone by a trusted friend.
In this instance, feelings of pity for Ms. Portwood can be forgiven. It is no doubt painful that she has not been compensated for these tasteful portraits, and that potentially millions of curiosity-seekers will “enjoy” her lackluster physique for no more than the cost of an internet connection, or in some cases, a library card.
Moreover, Portwood’s claim that the pictures are non-sexual is strengthened by the photographic evidence. After viewing the images, it’s difficult to imagine that even the most maladjusted window-peeper could be aroused by these photos.
By The Time Amber Mounts Her 'Comeback' As A Porno Oddity, That Tattoo Will Look Even More Like Rosanne Barr Than It Already Does.
21 Friday Jan 2011
Tags
Bill Gates, Bill Gates as an object of pity, Burma Shave, choices, dropouts, dumb kids and the dumb things they do to fuck up their lives, foolish choices, Hooters girls, losers, Lottery tickets, permanent record, playing the lottery as an investment, poor impulse control, torching apartment complexes, winners
So much in life can hinge upon a single decision. Once made, some choices come with attendant consequences which are difficult to foresee, but which can exert profound effects upon the whole of a person’s life. These may be correct decisions, like choosing not to blow one’s unemployment check on lottery tickets again. Sometimes they’re poor decisions, like torching an apartment complex. For good or for ill, an individual’s permanent record is a partner for life.
What today’s youth tend to forget is that while a permanent record is built by the young, it must be carried by the old. The information contained in a person’s permanent record can affect his career options and future earning potential, the type of friends and hobbies he will have, and even the attractiveness of his future mate.
We present the following cautionary example:
Perhaps This Isn't The Best Example. Still, Can You Imagine How Good His Life Would Be Right Now If He Didn't Have A Record?
Stay in school. Stay out of trouble. Don’t throw your life away.
13 Friday Aug 2010
Posted in Art, Cinema, Culture, Duh, General Foolishness, Health, Hollywood, People, Social Networking
Tags
attention-seeking behavior, bad decisions, caveat emptor, Chicago, citizen of Clan Arquette, crazy fucker, crazy people, Dad, daddy issues, David A. Cox, David Arquette, Did Courtney Cox lose a bet?, foolish choices, gettin' inked, getting back at mom and dad, ink, Mom, obscure celebrities, tats, tattoos, tiresome anachronism, untalented stars
Why not get inked by tiresome former celebrity and citizen of Clan Arquette, David A. Cox?
"It's A Dragon That Shoots Dragons From Its Eyes! And Then Those Dragons Shoot Dragons From Their Eyes, Too! And Then Those Dragons--Guess What They Shoot From Their Eyes? Guess! Oh, Man! You Are So Not Gonna Regret This!"
Promethean Times 