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Category Archives: Culture

A Confederacy Of D-Bags

16 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Scandal

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Andrew Young, Blago, Cheri Young, contempt of court, douchebaggery, Eliot Spitzer, Elizabeth Edwards, Game Change, Gary Hart, GQ photo spread, John Edwards, John Edwards sex tape, Judge Abraham Penn, National Enquirer, political leper, political pariah, Rielle Hunter, Rod Blagojevich, Spiro Agnew, superior court

By Smaktakula

Ex-John Edwards aide Andrew Young  has been ordered by Superior Court Judge Abraham Penn to return all copies of a sex tape allegedly made by Edwards and his mistress, Rielle Hunter.  Failing this, Young and his wife Cheri face jail for contempt of court.         

It’s hard to have sympathy for any of the players in this sad drama–certainly not the Youngs, who are accused of holding extra copies of the sex tape, nor for the ostensible victims, Edwards and Hunter.       

Edwards: Not Always A Political Leper

Edwards, who came close to capturing the vice presidency in 2004, has since then systematically shredded every last vestige of his reputation, and sent his once-promising political career spiralling wildly beyond Gary Hart territory, finally settling in the land of posterity’s bottom-feeders, featuring the likes of  Spiro Agnew and future Trivial Pursuit answers  Rod “Blago” Blagojevich and Eliot Spitzer.  According to Game Change, Edwards was so self-deluded even after being outed as Hunter’s babydaddy by a supermarket tabloid, the pretty North Carolinian was still angling to be Obama’s Attorney General.         

Edwards’ decision to make a sex tape with Hunter, let alone allowing it to fall out of his possession, is a course of action so decidedly reckless and even stupid that it begs the question: Did Edwards sabotage himself intentionally?         

It’s doubtful–Edwards appears to be divorced from reality.  What does remain open to debate is the question, to what degree?  Despite all the storms Edwards has weathered in the past two years, the former senator remains capable of Herculean feats of self-deception, even if increasingly he can’t fool much of anybody else.  Most recently, he’s taken his act to Haiti, vowing to help the Haitians as only John Edwards can.  Presumably, this means suing the manufacturers of faulty swimming pool pumps.  If this is the indeed the case, the Haitian swimming pool supply industry may need to apply for some of the international relief funds which continue to pour into Haiti: Edwards may be cheap, but his bill won’t be.         

Rielle Hunter might be the most interesting player in this drama, not only for her role as a future footnote in the annals of history, but also for both for many lives she’s lived– among them actress, a savvy videographer who could make YouTube work for political candidates, game-show contestant, fraud victim and the inspiration for a literary character.  Perhaps her ability to reinvent herself is what Edwards saw in her in the first place.  Like Hunter, Edwards is a chameleon, in which the search for identity is life’s meaning.         

Hunter is shedding her most recent skin for GQ.  Painted for so long as “the other woman,” Hunter wants to show the world the kind of wholesome gal she is.         

Hunter: Tasetful GQ "Spread"

 Young, Edwards’ former lickspittle and author of the recent political tell-all The Politician, wants us to know that he was a pawn in something beyond his ken.  Edwards was a Rasputin, Young would have us believe, and caught his innocent aide in the web of his machinations.  It was for those reasons–loyalty, esprit de corps, hero-worship–that Young humiliated his own family by claiming to be the father of Rielle Hunter’s child.  Sadder yet, it appears this deception fooled no one, except perhaps for Elizabeth Edwards.        

At first it seemed that Cheri Young’s only wrongdoing was exercising poor choice in agreeing to marry Andrew Young.  When most of the public knew that Edwards was almost certainly the father of Hunter’s child, it was still possible to pity the humiliated Cheri when her husband ridiculously claimed to be the father of  Hunter’s child.  With the potential contempt charges hanging over Cheri as well as her husband, it appears that the wronged wife has at least a little of the grifter in her.  In this, she’s found herself in welcome company.         

Young: Claims Not To Be A Sneering Ass

 Currently, the bizarre quartet comprising Edwards, Hunter and the Youngs is now split into two very distinct–and opposing–camps.  Promethean Times predicts that in a few short years, when the money’s run out and the notoriety isn’t enough even to keep the National Enquirer interested, what is now two will most likely be four.         

Elizabeth Edwards: Hard To Believe John Would Go Outside The Marriage For Sex

 

Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy Split

15 Monday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Hollywood, Movies, People, Relationships, Television

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Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, celebrity breakups, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Fel-Dog, Haimster, Hollywood breakups, Jamie Kennedy, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Katherine Hepburn, obscure celebrities, People Magazine, Spencer Tracy

According to People, it’s true.    

If Haim & Feldman were Gen X’s unrecognized Hope & Crosby, then perhaps the union of Hewitt and Kennedy produced Generation Y’s Tracy and Hepburn.   

Jamie & Jennifer During Happier Times

Hopefully fans’ grief will be mitigated somewhat the knowledge that while this news is certainly dismal, it is proof that the two are still alive.    

Wait–who are Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy again?    

Find Out At The Same Time Promethean Times Does: Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy Split – Breakups, Jamie Kennedy, Jennifer Love Hewitt : People.com.   

Smaktakula

Reuters Wants You To Know That U.S. Children Turn To Inhaling To Get High

12 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Drug Culture, Drugs, Duh, General Foolishness, Health, National Events

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aerosols, choking game, fainting game, genie, getting high, household products, huffing, inhalants, Jenkem, K2, media scare, Reuters, Rocket Ride, sensationalist media, sniffing, solvent, Spice, urban legends, vapors

And Reuters is turning to sensationalism to sell ad space.  

The illicit inhalation of household products, or huffing, can have profound and disastrous effects on users.  It is axiomatic that this message be reinforced among young people, the group most likely to begin abusing inhalants.  Reminding the public about the danger posed by inhalants is a laudable endeavor, but sounding the alarm for its own sake is foolish.     

Are more children using inhalants now?     

The rate of inhalant use of that age has remained steady over the past few years, but officials are concerned that young people increasingly do not see abusing inhalants as risky.     

Oh.  Inhalant abuse hasn’t increased among children, it’s just that officials are worried about it.  Apparently, Reuters thinks you should be worried too.  Just like with Jenkem, K2 and the Choking Game.   

Could This Be Your Child? You Bet It Could!

 

Even As You Read This Your Children Are Huffing!: U.S. children turn to inhaling to get high: study | Reuters. 

Smaktakula

Big League Stew: Torii Hunter Calls Black Latino Players Imposters

11 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Baseball, Culture, General Foolishness, Political Correctness, Race, Sports, Television

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African-American baseball players, Big League Stew, black baseball players, black Latino, boneheaded, douchebaggery, imposters, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Major League Baseball, MLB, race in baseball, race in sports, race relations, racism, racist, Torri Hunter

Torii Hunter’s comments about race in baseball are not typically this boneheaded.  “Boneheaded” is what we call it when a person of color says something like this.  “Racist” is what we call it when a white person says it.  

While participating in USA Today’s roundtable on the state of baseball, Hunter floated a theory that baseball uses dark-skinned players from countries like the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico and Venezuela to give an appearance that it has more African-Americans playing the game than it really does. 

But, Hunter says in a controversial money quote, “they’re not us, they’re impostors.” 

No Imposter: Torii Hunter Is A For Reals Black Person

 Analysis of Torii’s Bonehead Moment Here: Torii Hunter believes black Latino players are ‘impostors’ – Big League Stew – MLB Blog – Yahoo! Sports. 

Smaktakula

ESPN: Public Input Period For Federal Fishery Strategy Has Ended

11 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Critters, Culture, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Sports

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conservation, Council on Environmental Equality, environmentalism, ESPN, ESPNOutdoors.com, Federal Fishery Strategy, fishing industry, Obama Administration, Robert Montgomery, sportfishing, Steve Bowman

It comes as something of a shock that an ESPN political piece arising from the world of sportfishing should arouse any controversy, let alone the amount it has.

Also notable is Executive Editor of ESPNOutdoors.com Steve Bowman’s pusillanimous missive reminding readers that this is an opinion piece.  Opinions–as people with ridiculously long titles already know, but you probably don’t–are subjective, and not stone-cold facts like those published in many of America’s fine newspapers.

Don’t Forget That’s It’s Just An Opinion When You Read: Public input period for federal fishery strategy has ended – ESPN.

Smaktakula

Live Aid Donations Diverted To Ethiopian Rebels

10 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Africa, History, Music, Politics, Television, World Affairs

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charity fraud, Ethiopia, Ethiopian rebels, Farm Aid, Live Aid

How Many AK-47s Will This Get Me?

Recently, allegations have been made that millions of dollars raised by Live Aid and intended for famine relief ended up in the hands of Ethiopian rebel groups.   If true, these charges are disappointing, to say the least, if not terribly surprising.

Aregawi Berhe, the former military commander of the Tigrayan People’s Liberation Front (TPLF), claimed that of the $100 million that went through the rebels’ hands, 95 per cent was diverted to buy weapons or recruit Ethiopians to their cause. He said the rebels put on a “drama” to get their hands on the relief money. “The aid workers were fooled,” he said.

Why did it take a quarter of a century for this information to come to light?

In a related matter, Promethean Times is launching an investigation into allegations that Farm Aid donations were illegally channelled to John Deere executives to help fund their bloody and protracted war against Caterpillar.

Read about another Great Rock & Roll Swindle: Live Aid donations ‘were diverted to arm Ethiopian rebels’ – Times Online.

Smaktakula

Lindsay Lohan Needs $$$

10 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Commercials, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Justice, Movies, People, Television

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Tags

cocaine, E-Trade, E-Trade commercial, Flower of American Skankhood, hos, ladies of easy virtue, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Lohan lawsuit, Lohan sues, skankery, skanks, sluts, tramps

By Smaktakula

Because cocaine isn’t cheap.          

Lindsay Lohan, Flower of American Skankhood and tabloid headline regular, claims she’s been dishonored by a recent E-Trade commercial.  Team Lohan maintains that E-Trade used her “likeness, name, characterization and personality” without permission.          

The offending commercial:          

While it’s true that most reasonable people would be horrified to be in any way associated with these E-Trade grotesqueries, it’s not clear that the use of the name “Lindsay” was intended to imply any connection with Ms. Lohan.  The infant in the commercial could be any skank named Lindsay.          

Team Lohan will no doubt respond with the trenchant counter that prior to Ms. Lohan’s use of the name, “Lindsay” was associated with virtue.  Now the name is linked inextricably not only to skanks, but also to sluts, hos, tramps, ladies of easy virtue and the like.  Ms. Lohan will therefore contend that any unflattering or mocking depiction of a “Lindsay” is a direct and intentional use of the former child-star’s image.          

What Might Have Been

Regardless of the lawsuit’s outcome, there are already plenty of losers.   A generation of young women looks up to Lindsay Lohan, and to those women–the skanks of tomorrow–this news will no doubt come as a heavy blow.   But like the spunky strumpet they idolize, this junior varsity Jersey Shore will no doubt face the coming challenges with characteristic élan.  Look for them and you will find them: lifting up their shirts for a stranger’s camera, dressing like hookers to piss off Daddy, and that old chestnut–getting a mammoth, butterfly design tramp stamp which reads CLASSY LASSY.          

Lindsay may be down for the moment, but the Sisterhood of Skank soldiers on.

Sandra Bullock Is America’s Sweetheart

09 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Hollywood, Movies, People

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America's Sweetheart, LA Times, Meg Ryan, Rachel Abramowitz, Sandra Bullock

Rachel Abramowitz of the LA Times awards Bullock the clunky-sounding honor of being “America’s Sweetheart of popular movies.”  It’s true; just about everybody loves Sandra Bullock.  She’s the spunky, sassy–but above all, sexy–girl next door with the heart of gold and the can-do attitude.    

Among those who aren’t as keen on America’s Newest Sweetheart:    

HAVE YOU SEEN ME?

 

Smaktakula

   

LA Times.com: Leviathans May Battle In Remote Depths

08 Monday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Critters, Mythology, Science

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Tags

awesomeness, California, giant squid, great white shark, kraken, LA Times, leviathans, Marine Conservation Science Institute, megalith vs. kraken, megalodon, mythic creatures, National Geographic, sea monsters, shark vs. squid

Megalodon vs. Kraken.     

The Real Story Is Just As Cool (And Is Guaranteed To Contain No Debbie Gibson Or Lorenzo Lamas!)

From the poetic caption to the kick-ass National Geographic photo, this might be the coolest thing ever to come from the pages of the LA Times.     

Read about this gushing fount of awesomeness for yourself: Leviathans may battle in remote depths – latimes.com.     

Smaktakula

They’ve Got The Wrong Gadahn Guy!

07 Sunday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Crime, Islam, Military, National Events, People, Terrorism, World Affairs

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Adam Gadahn, al Qaeda, al Qaeda stooge, American al Qaeda, Azzam al-Amriki, Islam, mistaken identity, muslims, Pakistan, propaganda, propagandist, syphilitic frogs, traitor, treason, United States of America, US-born al Qaeda, Yahya Majadin Adams

Treasonous al Qaeda stooge and American washout Adam Gadahn, who performs under the stage name Azzam al-Amriki, was reported captured earlier today.

It’s now being reported that while an important al Qaeda figure was captured, it wasn’t Gadahn.  The actual detainee may have closely resembled the American-born propagandist Gadahn, in which case the captured fighter is most likely a syphilitic frog.

I Sold Out My Country And All I Got For It Was This Lousy Tablecloth

Read about the hilarious identity mix up here and here.

Smaktakula
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