15 Tuesday Mar 2011
Tags
Australia, bullies, Bully Beat Down, Bullygate, bullying, Casey Haynes, short people, short people are plain evil!, Smaktakula's distrust of short people
God bless you, Casey Haynes!
Putting Short People In Their Place: It Takes A Big Man To Do A Big Job.
15 Tuesday Mar 2011
Posted in History
Tags
Ides of March, Julius Caesar, March 15th, political intrigue, Promethean Times cares, Public Service Announcement, Rome, treachery
If the advice was good enough for Gaius Julius Caesar, it’s good enough for you.
It Was True Then; It's True Now.
11 Friday Mar 2011
Tags
Elena Kagan, people with appearance deficits, Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding, Supreme Court, ugly people, you got a real purty mouth
There. We said it.
So were we wrong?
08 Tuesday Mar 2011
Tags
'Lil Kim, Alexander the Great, Angela Merkel, because he declared himself King of Scotland. Get it now?, Benazir Bhutto, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, Bono, Chairman Mao, ChocoFührer, dictafro, Evo Morales, Fugeeman, Golda Meir, Hillary Clinton, Idi Amin Dada, Imelda Marcos, Indira Gandhi, John Holmes, Julius Caesar, Kim Jong-il, Manuel Noriega, Mao Zedong, Marlon Brando, Muammar al-Gaddafi, mulletards, Napoleon Bonaparte, Pyongyang, Richard M. Nixon, Robert Mugabe, Ronald Reagan, Saddam Hussein, Silvio Berlusconi, Ted Kaczynski, Wyclef Jean, you can't tell us that 'Pyongyang' doesn't sound like a filthy word to you
The individual hairstyles of powerful men and women are as unique as fingerprints. Observe:
The Caesar
The Pineapple
The Cover-Up
The Forgettable Fire
The Martyr
The John Holmes
The Kaczynski
The Pyongyang.
The Schultz
The Carpetbagger
The Bubbie
The Big Boy
The Thriller
The ChocoFührer
The Imelda
Le Petit Tyran
The Consigliere
The Highlander
The Supercuts
The Frampton Comes Alive
The Bride Of The Monster-Doctorwallah
The Foreign Exchange Student
The Moe Howard
The Sex Mo-Sheen And The Pantsuit
07 Monday Mar 2011
Tags
ad hominem, Adolf Hitler, Ann Coulter, Belgium, Charlie Sheen, Chocolate, conqueror tongue, elder abuse, evil, facts, kicking puppies, Low Countries, oh yeah we go ad hominem with a quickness!, outright lies, Smaktakula's ability to hold a grudge
Were you expecting charts and hard numbers? Facts only slow us down; we ride ad hominem here.
The People Of This Quaint And Lovely Low-Lying Land Are Known For Making Delicious Confections Such As Chocolate, As Well As For Their National Passion For Kicking Puppies And The Elderly.
What do you care, anyway? You’re not from Belgium, and probably don’t speak a word of Belgish.
07 Monday Mar 2011
Tags
civil war, Come At Me Bro, Jersey Shore, Libya, memes, Muammar al-Gaddafi, places that suck, the West, Tripoli, United States of America, unpunished war criminals, unrepentant
Monday, 03.07.11–The United States, no longer content to limit its unending ground war to a single continent, is enlisting allies for possible military action against Libya. Meanwhile, unrepentant bastard Muammar al-Gaddafi is having the time of his life as he continues to commit atrocities against his people while thumbing his nose at the West.
"Come At Me, Bro. Come At Me."
04 Friday Mar 2011
Tags
Barack Obama, despots, Front 242, Funkahdafi, Ivory Coast, Libya, Muammar al-Gaddafi, North Korea, places that suck, President Obama, revolution, United Nations, unrepentant
For The Amount Of Relaxer In This Guy's Hair, He's Not All That Relaxed.
Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi is turning heads around the globe. Consigned to certain defeat just a week ago, the plucky tyrant is holding out, and in some places regaining ground lost to rebel forces.
The sun-baked despot is thought to be enjoying his return to the spotlight as Public Enemy #1, thumbing his nose at the great powers of the world. The global community moved swiftly upon word of unrest in Libya, meeting the challenge head on with official condemnation and high-level hand wringing. There’s even talk of asset freezing. Clearly, Gaddafi’s days are numbered.
"Although The American People--A Liberty Loving People Born In A Rebellion Themselves--Cherish The Right Of Free Peoples To Decide Their Own Destinies, And Therefore Avoid Meddling In Disputes Far From Our Shores, As Free People, We Also Value Liberty And The Rights Of Individual Men, Which It Seems--Although It May At This Time Be Too Early To Make A Definitive Judgement--That In Libya, Those Liberties Are Not Being Respected. If This Is True--And Again, We Don't Have All The Facts Right Now--Then We Think It Would Be Really Cool Of Col. Gaddafi To Just Cut It Out, Okay?"
When the UN finally steps in to completely settle hostilities, as they have in places such as North Korea or Ivory Coast, Libya will once again be a peaceful oasis of camaraderie and freedom. It’s a pretty safe bet, however, that until the Colonel goes, there’ll be a lot of bodies in the streets.
"I Will . . . How Do You Say In English? . . . See You In Hell."
04 Friday Mar 2011
Tags
1st Amendment, civil liberties, douchebaggery, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, God Hates Fags, heterosexuality, homosexuality, religious intolerance, Reverend Fred Phelps, Supreme Court, that asshole who demonstrates at the funerals of soldiers, Uncle Sam, Westboro Baptist Church
The WBC Believes That The Bible Is The Literal Word Of God. Except That Part About "Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself, For God Loves All." Nobody Knows How THAT Wackiness Got In There.
Fred Phelps and his odious Westboro Baptist Church were the recent victors in a 8-1 Supreme Court decision which upheld the church’s right to act like complete cocksuckers at the funerals of soldiers. The WBC is concerned, as are many fundamentalist Christian and Islamic groups, that the United States has become entirely too tolerant of homosexuality.
Rather than pray for these wayward souls as do so many less militant groups, the WBC takes, what is to their thinking anyway, direct action. To combat homosexuality, this group demonstrates at the funerals of soldiers (of whom, although no data exist to confirm this, it can be assumed were largely heterosexual), trumpeting the Good News that God is not only thrilled by the heartbreaking loss of life, but that moreover the Almighty “Hates Fags.”
As devoted proponents of the 1st Amendment, Promethean Times applauds the Supreme Court’s decision. As difficult as it can sometimes be to accept, tolerance includes those things which offend us to our cores. In this way, Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church have struck a victory for us all.
To Fred Phelps, champion of our civil liberties, we say:
"I WANT YOU To Go Fuck Yourself."
04 Friday Mar 2011
Tags
childish sexual innuendo, Chinese food, frog-on-pig action, Frogs, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, muppets, pigs, the love which dare not speak its name
"Would You Care To Know Why *MOI*--Renowned Star Of Stage And Screen, Chooses To Douche With Honey And Vinegar? HMM?"
"Because I Love Sweet And Sour Pork."
03 Thursday Mar 2011
Tags
Black Widow, cooze, Emmanuel Lewis, Gary Coleman, Gary Coleman's widow, gold digger, living in squalor, Lynndie England, meal ticket, places that suck, Sao Paulo, schadenfreude, Shannon Price, small black actor, tabloids, The Globe, treachery, Utah, Yoko Ono
Don't Waste Your Energy Feeling Sorry For Shannon. Seriously--The Chick's A Cooze.
Fans of Schadenfreude were thrilled by the news that Shannon Price, best known for her half-marriage with half-man Gary Coleman, is living like a filthy animal. In Utah! It seems that the unrepentant black widow still resides in the home she mooched from her tiny meal ticket and in which she let him die, only now the home is occupied by actual black widows–also Price’s dad, her brother, several hounds and about 3,600 cubic feet of refuse.
"For Reals--The Thing Hangs All The Way To My Knees. Still, She Won't Touch Me."
For some, it may be instinctive to pity Ms. Price for maintaining her home like a São Paulo shanty, just as they might a hamster long untended by its keeper and forced to eat its own droppings to gain a few more precious hours of life. This charity is undeserved; anyone feeling sorry for the strawberry strumpet either ignores or has forgotten that she wasted precious minutes getting her shit together while her twitching ex-husband lay dying on the concrete floor of the laundry room. In a final indignity, she posed for pictures with Coleman on his deathbed before selling the images to the insipid British tabloid, The Globe.
We Are Mystified As To Why Gary's Parents Did Not Invite This Cooze To The Actor's Funeral.
Adding to the enormity of her coozehood is Price’s ridiculous claim that it would somehow upset her deceased ex-husband if he knew she was living this way. Coleman, known for his misanthropic love of trains and little else, would most likely be pained only to learn that the talentless Yoko was still living.
Gary's Unquiet Spirit Was Profoundly Moved To Hear Of Shannon's Plight.
Although she is content for the present to live like a rodent in a urine-soaked flyfarm, Price’s future remains a mystery. The only thing anyone knows for sure is that Emmanuel Lewis isn’t returning her calls.
Shannon Chooses As Her Role Models Take-Charge Gals Who Like To Have A Good Time And Aren't Afraid To Make A Mistake.
Promethean Times 