The GOP Finally Getting Its Black On

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By Smaktakula
Note:  This story should not be confused with “The GOP Finally Getting Its Freak On,” which is a horse of a different color.
With apologies to Michael Steele and Alan Keyes.

Princella Smith is a young, female GOP congressional candidate in a predominantly Democratic district in Arkansas.   And she’s black.

Maybe Next Time.

In addition to running Republican in a blue district, Smith is an underdog candidate in the GOP primary, running against Rick Crawford, who has already secured the endorsement of former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee.

Win or lose, Smith’s entry into the fray can help the GOP considerably, provided she isn’t painted by the media (or by herself) as a bizarre novelty candidate.

Republicans have long been tagged as the party of old white men (an impression exacerbated by recent events).  While Republicans counter this by pointing to such figures as the aforementioned Keyes and Steele, neither the perennial joke candidate nor the GOP’s beleaguered chief are particularly charismatic.

Also, while African-Americans do not vote or think in as much of a bloc as the media (or professional race baiters like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Louis Farrakhan, Jeremiah Wright–all religious figures, interestingly enough) would have the public believe, it is true that the Republicans have done a lackluster job of reaching out to non-whites.

The vast majority of Americans are eager to put race behind them.  Barack Obama’s election was supposed to heal America’s racial rifts and put an end to identity politics.  The President and his closest advisors have been careful to downplay the racial element of Obama’s historic victory, but despite this the divide seems to have sharpened in many ways.  This is no doubt due in part to the need for the aforementioned race baiters to reassert the racial disparity (because if there weren’t race problems, these guys wouldn’t get to appear on TV once a week or so with that practiced “Black Leadership” scowl).

Nobody Does The Black Leadership Scowl Quite Like The Representative From Maryland.

Candidates like Smith, Louisiana’s Bobby Jindal and California’s Abel Maldonado can only help to diversify and extremely stultified Republican party.  Diversity–through organic means and not via odious and racially belittling quotas–could help to destigmatize the Republican Party in non-white communities.

That may be well and good for the Republicans, but how does it benefit the nation as a whole?  Not long ago the United States made itself believe that the election of a particular black person would once and for all snuff the uncomfortable question of race in politics.

It didn’t, and it’s probably too much to think that a congressional longshot could exorcise an entire nation’s demons.  It might not be too much of a stretch, however, to hope that Smith’s candidacy might draw awareness to moderates and conservatives within the black community.  If such moderates and conservatives were given voice by the media, it would obviate the ostensible need for a race-baiting reverend.

Everybody’s All-American

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By Smaktakula
 
The following cities are three-time winners of the coveted All-American City designation:

Toledo, Ohio

Ft. Wayne, Indiana

Tacoma, Washington: City Of Destiny

What does a city have to do to NOT be designated an All-American City?

Tijuana, Mexico: Future All-American City

 

Promethean Short Short Stories: Singlewide Symphony

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By Smaktakula

Heather sat outside on a chaise in deep sweating darkness, keeping company with her old friend Jose Cuervo.  Occasionally she slapped at the mosquitoes orbiting her thighs, which shone from under cutoff Levis like marble in the moonlight.

Travis couldn’t meet her eyes when he finally returned home reeking of engine oil and bad business.   

Not long after, she saw lights in the distance, watching them grow for a long time before the police cruiser arrived, wishing all her troubles could be so overt and so slow in coming.

Red and blue strobes lent the trailer a beauty she didn’t understand except that it reminded her of Christmas. 

Her heart broke a little watching them recede.

Promethean Times Calls For ‘Day Of Sternly-Worded Constructive Criticism’

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By Smaktakula

Many Americans think government is broken.  President Obama pushes gamely ahead with his unique brand of doe-eyed fascism, despite the increasingly vocal resistance of the American people.  Partisan rancor is de rigueur in Washington today, and Congress is only slightly more popular than scabies.    

On Monday, April 26th, Promethean Times calls upon all Americans to take a stand against these myriad maladies by rising as one on in a Day of Sternly-Worded Constructive Criticism.   

There is precedent: Palestinians had a Day of Rage (borrowing the term from American terrorist organization, The Weathermen), a protest against Israeli settlements.  In Russia, thousands gathered in a Day of Wrath to protest against the unrelenting shittiness of their backwater nation.   

The Palestinians Can Usually Find Something To Be Pissed About

Clearly, the “Day Of” phenomenon is about to take off, and America dare not be left behind.  You can bet that her enemies in China and North Korea won’t be waiting; al Qaeda is no doubt picking out its own special day at this very moment.  America must act now before all the really good words are gone.   

Promethean Times would normally be inclined to call for a day of great anger not unlike those trademarked by the Palestinians and Russians, perhaps ‘A Day of Fury’ or ‘A Day of Ire.’  Either would be fitting.  The American people, for so long rightly proud of their unique liberties and cherished freedoms, have seen their leaders give away their right to make their own health choices, and in turn created a new right for a small segment of the population: the right to subsidised healthcare.  ‘Subsidised’ is a lot like ‘free,’–in both instances the recipient gets the service without paying.  However, ‘free’ means without cost, ‘subsidised’ means some other dude pays for it.    

So yeah, some honest-to-God pissedoffedness would be pretty welcome right now.   

It Sure Is.

But as a nation, America is probably too apathetic to summon those levels of indignation for something as trivial as their constitutional rights.   Americans reserve rage for the guy who cuts them off on the freeway, and wrath for a television network foolish enough to cancel a cult show.  But sternly-worded constructive criticism?  Americans can still handle that.

This Day In History: April 19, 1993 CE

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On which Janet Reno hosts a killer Patriot’s Day cookout in the Lonestar State for seventy-six of her closest friends:

Waco: Think 'Afghanistan,' But Without The Miranda Rights.

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Waco: Think Afghanistan, But Without The Miranda Rights

Nashville Mixed Martial Arts Fans Treated To Extra Helping Of Violence

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Bloodsport fans are no doubt upset by the shocking brawl which erupted in the ring after a Mixed Martial Arts bout in Nashville:

Promethean Times hopes that the event’s organizer will address this shameful situation.  MMA fans, many of whom brought their families, came expecting to see two nearly naked men in a cage beat one another into submission, surrounded by a deafening crowd of mouth-breathing halfwits crying out their love of carnage.

Unfortunately, violence broke out before the tooth & blood man had the opportunity to clean the canvas, proving it only takes one or two bad apples to ruin an evening of wholesome family entertainment.

You Can’t Rassle When You’re Still Wearin’ Clothes: Post-fight fight mars Jake Shields’ big win – Josh Gross – SI.com.

Smaktakula

Pissing Away Money Is The New National Pastime

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A Douche Against Dip: A Lot Like Jerry Springer, But With Less Dignity

  

Apparently taking to heart the concept of America spending its way out of recession, a NJ congressman is calling for a hearing regarding the use of tobacco Major League Baseball.         

Rep. Frank Pallone (D-N.J.), who helms the energy and commerce health subcommittee, said that the practice provides a poor example to young people who are baseball fans.         

 

The disastrous effect seeing a handful of athletes engage in a disgusting habit might have on America’s impressionable children aside, it’s not clear why the grandstanding representative thinks the government should have any say regarding the use of a legal product by adults.         

Now it might be different if the baseball players drew their salaries from the public dime, like this guy:       

No, I Said Barry BONDS Shouldn't Smoke.

Won’t Somebody Please Think Of The Children!?!: Congressman to hold hearing into baseball and chewing tobacco.