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Category Archives: Music

Wyclef’s Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose

28 Wednesday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Music, North America, People, Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Ben Jones, Caribbean, celebrity/statesman, fiduciary irresponsibility, Francois "Papa Doc" Duvalier, Fred Grandy, Fugeeman, Fugees, Haiti, hereditary dictatorship, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier, Kim Il-sung, Kim Jong-il, presidential election, Rick Santorum, Sonny Bono, Wyclef Jean

By Smaktakula

Grammy winner Wyclef Jean announced recently that he was mulling a run in Haiti’s upcoming presidential election.  The Haitian-born ex-Fugee is reportedly filing the necessary paperwork in the event he decides to make a bid in November.        

What The Hell, Right? Haiti Could Do A Lot Worse. In Fact, It Has.

This revelation is less shocking than it might at first appear.  Jean is internationally renowned, both for his music and for his political activism, and is particularly beloved in his native Haiti.  Moreover, the recent financial troubles involving Jean’s charity indicate that he possesses the requisite fiduciary irresponsibility to hold Haiti’s highest office.       

In the United States, entertainers have for many years distinguished themselves in politics.  Fred “Gopher” Grandy, Ben “Cooter” Jones and Rick “Santorum” Santorum are some of the best-known.        

Jean Won't Be The First Entertainer To Try His Hand In Politics. He Could, However, Be The First Black One. Also The First To Be Worth A Damn.

If Jean is serious about his bid, he’ll think of a good nickname.  Everybody remembers the brutal hereditary dictatorship of the Duvaliers–the Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il of the Caribbean.  First there was Francois “Papa Doc” Duvalier, who ruled the country from 1957 through 1971.  He was succeeded by his son, Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier, who was finally ousted in 1986.  The Duvaliers may have been brutal thugs, but they had cool nicknames.       

Conversely, Jean-Bertrand Aristide was similarly despotic (although never matching the glorious excesses of the father and son tag-team), serving a couple non-consecutive terms before being chased out in 2004.  Despite being only six years removed from the national scene, the former priest is virtually forgotten.  A nickname may have been the only thing separating Aristide from historical immortality.  Jean-Bertrand Aristide is eminently forgettable, but “Gris-Gris” Aristide sticks in the memory.        

The Dynasty Duvalier: Despotism Done Right. Plus, Kick-Ass Nicknames!

Wyclef Jean is a man capable of making the leap from celebrity to statesman.  The right nickname will cement his place in history.  With this in mind, Promethean Times extends its most heartfelt wishes for success to Wyclef “Fugeeman” Jean.  Knock ’em dead, Fugeeman!

News Of The Duh: Evidence Suggests Some Illegal Drug Use In Rave Culture

05 Monday Jul 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Duh, General Foolishness, Music, People, Relationships, Social Networking

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

15 year-old, blind unreasoning panic, club kids, designer drugs, drug overdose, drugs, ecstacy, Electric Daisy Carnival. Los Angeles, illegal drugs, LA Memorial Coliseum, News of the Duh, one percenters, panic, rave culture, raves, Rock & Roll, techno music

There’s much wisdom in the old maxim, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  Readers of Promethean Times will know that we subscribe not only to this aphorism, but also its corollary: “If it is broke, the best course of action is immediate panic.”  We favor blind, unreasoning panic over most other varieties of temporary fear-based madness.         

When a 15 year-old girl died of a suspected drug overdose after attending the 14th annual Electric Daisy Carnival at the LA Memorial Coliseum, authorities scurried into action.  The obvious solution was to prohibit further raves at the Coliseum.           

This is a troubling development for everyone touched by the rave scene.  This is not to suggest that all or even most clubbers use illicit drugs.  It is likely a very small minority, a group of “one percenters.”         

Starchyld Von Asskandy (Pictured Above) Says Most Ravers "Will Not Tolerate Illegal Drug Use."

Promethean Times applauds the decision to ban raves at the Coliseum.  Although the young girl’s accidental death appears to be an isolated incident, the danger remains that if unchecked, an incident like this could blow open the doorway for drugs into rave culture.  This would be a pity.  In 2010 there are very few places a young person can go where drugs aren’t a constant temptation.  For many years, raves have been just that kind of environment, and now a few bad apples seem hellbent to sully this wholesome activity.            

The ban on raves in the Coliseum will have two positive effects.  First, it will send a strong message to the one percenters in the rave community that these kinds of shenanigans won’t be tolerated.  Drugs have already ruined Rock & Roll; we mustn’t let them sully the soulless electronic chirp of techno.            

The second result will be even more profound.  With no more raves at the Coliseum, the attendant drug problem should trickle away.  The ban will also give pause to ravers who might be thinking about trying illegal drugs. 

Critics of the ban charge that these young people will simply take their party elsewhere.  This is unlikely.  The promoters of such an event would be breaking several laws, as well as jeopardizing the health of children.  The notion of an illegal, underground rave is pure fantasy.     

This Young Fellow Is Tuckered Out From All That Dancing.

Some People Just Have To Ruin It For Everybody: Teenage girl dies of suspected drug overdose after attending weekend rave at L.A. Coliseum – latimes.com.             

Smaktakula

Kurt Cobain’s Spirit Exacts A Slow And Terrible Vengeance On Courtney Love

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Justice, Music, People, Poetry, Relationships, Scandal

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

1990's, Anna Nicole Smith, awful musicians, Black Widow, cooze, Courtney Love, Dave Grohl, drug addiction, drugs, Frances Bean Cobain, Generation X, gold digger, grunge music, Hole, inebriate, Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain, Nirvana, OxyContin, Seattle scene, skankery, suicide, tiresome anachronism, untalented stars, wastrel, Yoko Ono

Courtney Love, Generation X’s heroin-slagged answer to Yoko Ono, is an oozing societal sore which refuses doggedly to heal.               

The most heinous of her crimes, of course, is being so loathsome that Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain found the taste of a shotgun preferable to the thought of spending even one more second listening to Love’s screeching voice.              

Included among the vast legion of people who consider Love an epic cooze is the talentless harpy’s own daughter, Frances Bean Cobain.  The younger Cobain prevailed upon the court recently to emancipate her from the chemical-crazy she-beast from whose cankerous loins she sprang.  The court mercifully agreed.               

Unfortunately for young Francis Bean, the trust fund left for her by her father’s estate won’t be as easy to emancipate.  Just as Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl already know, nobody clings with greater tenacity to the fruits of more talented labors than does Courtney Love.  Adding insult to injury, the trust fund has grown mysteriously lighter, to the tune of $8 Million.*               

Hey Pretty Lady, Was That Your Fine Ass I Saw Down At the SELL-UR-BLOOD The Other Day?

In a final irony, the ravages of an indiscreet lifestyle have transformed Courtney Love from a shapely, Anna Nicole Smith-wannabe into a virtual doppelgänger of Yoko Ono: a yellow, shriveled, screaming mess.               

This Would Be Funny If It Weren’t So . . . Hell, It IS Funny: Click Track – Courtney Love leads Hole through disastrous 9:30 club concert.               

*Sources close to this vapid skank estimate that $8 Million worth of OxyContin would keep Ms. Love high for the better part of two weeks.
Smaktakula

Step Dancing Is For Everybody?–Not So Fast, White Girls

21 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Culture, Games, Music, National Events, Political Correctness, Race, Relationships, Sports

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

affirmative action, African-Americans, bigotry, black sorority, Brooklyn Dodgers, bullying, cultural theft, diversity, evil bigots, exclusionary policy, hypocrisy, Jackie Robinson, liberal guilt, meritocracy, political pressure, prejudice, professional race baiters, quotas, racial shakedown, racism, racist, reverse racism, Sprite, step dance, Step Off, whining, white girls, White girls. Why did it have to be white girls?, white guilt, white sorority, Zeta Tau Alpha

By Smaktakula

The women of Zeta Tau Alpha made history recently when they were awarded first-place at Step Off, a prestigious step competition hosted by Sprite.  What makes this victory historic is that step dance, a synchronized dance routine typically performed by nine women, has long been exclusively an African-American tradition.   Zeta Tau Alpha is a white sorority.               

Critics of Zeta Tau Alpha’s victory say that this is just one of many instances in a long history of culture theft by whites.  Furthermore, these critics contend that while the art form’s exposure to a wider, multi-racial audience is certainly to be desired, the potential for non-black dancers to win is not.  It is an insult, they say, for a white sorority to be awarded first place.              

A brief explanation of the difference between white and black sororities.  White sororities, which by virtue of being white are more exclusionary, are open to women of all races, and include many African-Americans.  Black sororities, in an effort to preserve diversity, are exclusively African-American.              

The people who don’t want white girls in step dancing would like you to know that they are merely preserving their proud cultural heritage, and despite so many marked similarities, are not at all like the evil bigots who strove to keep Jackie Robinson out of the Major Leagues.           

WWJRD?

There was a great deal of grumbling over Zeta Tau Alpha’s victory, but the judges’ decision signalled that the art form was ready to embrace diversity and celebrate its coming-of-age in the wider culture.          

White Sororities Are Exclusionary

Black Sororities Promote Diversity

Despite the furor from groups who thought it wrong that a white sorority won, the judges stuck to their guns.  For a week.  Then they realized they’d made an unspecified scoring error of some sort and called it a tie.              

Critics of merit-based solutions hailed this as “a victory for all people who value equality and fairness above talent and hard work.  The squeaky wheel really does get the grease!”         

Bravo, ladies.

Strike A Blow For Racial Equality By Sharing This With Facebook

Diddy-Spawn Rocks Vegas Like A Tween Pop Idol

05 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Music, People, Relationships, Satire

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

birthday, Diddy, Diddy's son, Las Vegas, Puffy, Sean Combs, Sin City, Spawn of Diddy

To celebrate his son’s birthday, rapper/mogul/fashionista Sean “The Artist Formerly Known As Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy and Not-Yet Formerly Known As Diddy” Combs threw a three-day Vegas bash for the Diddlet and his entourage of overindulged brats.             

Despite the many exciting activities for the pre-teen set in Sin City, doubtless the highlight of the evening for the birthday boy was the rare chance to see his father, who breezed in for a photo-op.  According to sources it was the youngster’s ” Best birthday present ever!”    

The younger Diddy is said to have asked for the same gift next year.           

To which the boy’s father indulgently replied, “We’ll see.”         

Hard To Top Last Year's Present: Three Hours With Dad

The Gilded Life Of A Diddlet: Birthday Bling: Diddy’s Son Celebrates 12th With Vegas Bash.             

Smaktakula

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Miley Cyrus Somewhat Delusional About Future Career Prospects

23 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in General Foolishness, Hollywood, Movies, Music, People, Television

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

child stars, former child stars, Hannah Montana, Jodie Foster, Leonardo DiCaprio, Miley Cyrus, porno movies, pornography, pr0n, Ron Jeremy, Spongebob Squarepants, The View, untalented stars

By Smaktakula

Miley Cyrus told the gals on The View that after her new record drops in June, fans shouldn’t expect to hear any more new music from the megastar any time soon.  Cyrus revealed her belief that she belongs on the big screen, clearly overestimating the voting-age public’s demand for her less-than-considerable abilities.     

There is a future for Ms. Cyrus in front of the camera, it just may not be what she’s envisioned.  She may not be ready for the Big Show, but might find a home in a niche industry, what might be labelled independent films in some circles.  In short, Cyrus harbors pie-eyed dreams about DVD grosses when she should be thinking about the hard realities of DVDA.         

Despite her deplorable dearth of talent, Cyrus has a better-than-average shot at consistent roles in clothing-optional films: the kind in which a visit from the pizza boy always leads to something exciting; where the words “water sports” are more than a little misleading.         

Miley Cyrus: Much More Likely To Someday Take Home Ron Jeremy Than An Oscar

Ms. Cyrus may be reluctant to arrive at this conclusion.  It’s very possible she feels that she has the requisite stuff to make the precarious transition from child stardom to adult roles, following in the footsteps such luminaries as Jodie Foster, Leonardo DiCaprio and Spongebob Squarepants.  Tragically, Ms. Cyrus lacks the fundamental traits which individually allowed Foster, DiCaprio and Squarepants to make the leap (respectively, these three traits are talent, talent and being an imaginary character who doesn’t age).         

Promethean Times wishes Ms. Cyrus the very best of luck in her future career, and eagerly anticipate seeing her full body of work in the no-doubt-forthcoming hotel spank film, Hannah Implanta: Red Carpet Burns.         

Boom-Boom-Chicka-Wah-Wah-Boom-Boom

Live Aid Donations Diverted To Ethiopian Rebels

10 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Africa, History, Music, Politics, Television, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

charity fraud, Ethiopia, Ethiopian rebels, Farm Aid, Live Aid

How Many AK-47s Will This Get Me?

Recently, allegations have been made that millions of dollars raised by Live Aid and intended for famine relief ended up in the hands of Ethiopian rebel groups.   If true, these charges are disappointing, to say the least, if not terribly surprising.

Aregawi Berhe, the former military commander of the Tigrayan People’s Liberation Front (TPLF), claimed that of the $100 million that went through the rebels’ hands, 95 per cent was diverted to buy weapons or recruit Ethiopians to their cause. He said the rebels put on a “drama” to get their hands on the relief money. “The aid workers were fooled,” he said.

Why did it take a quarter of a century for this information to come to light?

In a related matter, Promethean Times is launching an investigation into allegations that Farm Aid donations were illegally channelled to John Deere executives to help fund their bloody and protracted war against Caterpillar.

Read about another Great Rock & Roll Swindle: Live Aid donations ‘were diverted to arm Ethiopian rebels’ – Times Online.

Smaktakula

Mellencamp Mooted For Senate Bid

18 Thursday Feb 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Music, National Events, Politics, Regional Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Democratic Party, Evan Bayh, Facebook, Indiana, John Mellencamp, United States Senate

No word from singer John Mellencamp yet, but activity on a Facebook page has spurred talk of a run for the senate seat soon to be left vacant by Evan Bayh.

Mellencamp is a great singer, and clearly cares about the causes with which he’s associated himself over the years.   However, despite having shilled for the Dems in the past, I’m not sure how what kind of reception the fuzzy, folksy populism Mellencamp espouses would receive within the lockstep confines of the current Democratic leadership.

Still, he has a great pedigree: like Cheney, he’s an irascible foul-mouth with a bad ticker, and like our current president, Mellencamp has frequently pledged to quit smoking, but has some trouble with his follow-through.

Smaktakula
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