22 Monday Nov 2010
Tags
conspiracy theories, Dallas, Jack Ruby, John F. Kennedy, Lee Harvey Oswald, manhunts, murderers, patsies, presidential assassins, Texas, Texas Theater, this day in history, Warren Commission
On which Lee Harvey Oswald comes to regret sneaking into the Texas Theater without purchasing a ticket.
"Seriously, Guys--The Movie Wasn't Even That Good. Do You Have To Make A Federal Case Out Of It?"
11 Thursday Nov 2010
Posted in History
Tags
11 November, 1918, Allies, Armistice Day, eleventh hour, Germany, Great War, sacrifice, surrender, The War To End All Wars, this day in history, trenches, Veterans Day, World War I, WWI
On which, at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, an Armistice ends the sanguinary horrors of the First World War, ensuring that armed conflict would from this day forward forever be an ugly artifact of the past.
"So Why Are They Calling It World War ONE?"
Q: Why is World War I sometimes referred to as the ‘Great War?’
A: Because aside from both decimating an entire generation of young men and precipitating the cataclysmic political upheavals of the 20th Century, WWI was pretty great.
05 Friday Nov 2010
Posted in History
Tags
England, Gunpowder Plot, Gunpowder Treason, Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes Night, home-grown terrorism, London, November 5th, Parliament, penny for the Guy?, protoIslamofascism, remember remember the Fifth of November, Terrorism, this day in history, traitor, treachery, treason, true meanings of holidays, V For Vendetta
Fawkes' Original Plan Was To Strike The Houses Of Parliament With "A Flyeing Contrapshun Of Some Varietee, Laden With Elyxirs Both Incendiaree And Caustic."
25 Monday Oct 2010
Tags
1960s, acid, Baby Boomers, Baby Boomers eat their young, cliche, counterculture, dope, drugs, grass, helpful hints, hemp, If you can remember the 60s, Kingston Trio, LSD, lycergic acid diethylamide. LSD not LDS which is something very different, nostalgia for a nonexistent time, pot, reefer, second base, selective memory, squares, sweet sweet cheeba, the Sixties, wild times, Woodstock, you're still not getting anything from Martha
When an aging Baby Boomer wistfully opines, If you can remember the Sixties, you weren’t there, he wants to give the impression that life during the 1960s was like this:
"Brothers And Sisters, After We Bring The System To A Crashing Halt, We're Gonna Usher In The Age Of Aquarius. But First: Thirty-Six Hours Of Rainbow-Drenched Sex In An Environment Entirely Free Of Consequences! Far Out!"
When in all likelihood, reality was just a smidge more prosaic:
"When Martha Anderson Hears This Peachy Song I Wrote For Her, She's Sure To Let Me Get To Second Base!"
22 Friday Oct 2010
Tags
Beaver Dick, Great Britain, historical signposts, humiliating nicknames, Idaho, Jim Bridger, mountain men, obscure historical figures, Richard Leigh, suggestive nicknames, Tardsie, Tardsie The Backpack, unfortunate nicknames
Of the British-born Richard Leigh, who would rise to relative obscurity as the mountain man Beaver Dick, little is known or cared.
Unsurprisingly, When You Type "Beaver" And "Dick" Into A Search Engine, This Is One Of The Few Non-Pornographic Results.
Said to trail in fame only Jim Bridger and a handful of other mountain men no living man can name, Leigh’s humiliating nickname lives on through historical signposts.
Promethean Times' Ombudsman Tardsie The Backpack Traveled A Long Way To Find Beaver Dick.
Fan of shitty nicknames? You’ll find more here:
19 Tuesday Oct 2010
Very little is known about Nimrod the Hunter, and much of the information available about the ancient ruler is of uncertain historical accuracy. Moreover, some texts, like the Bible and Talmud, offer differing accounts of Nimrod’s life.
Believed by some to be a wise and learned king, by others to be an incestuous despot whose hubris spawned the Tower of Babel, it’s difficult to describe the historical figure of Nimrod with any certainty. However, all sources agree on one point: Nimrod was an unparalleled badass.
"Nimrod The Hunter Demands Wenches And Ale!"
Tragically, although Nimrod’s renown has long since faded into historical silence, his name remains in common use. But instead of tough-guy machismo, the name is now associated with dudes like this:
What A Fucking Nimrod.
12 Tuesday Oct 2010
Tags
Afghanistan, African National Congress, Al Gore, Al Gore is the political Art Garfunkel, Albeert Lutuli, ANC, Andrei Sakharov, Barack Obama, China, closeted homosexual, dissident, Henry Kissinger, hypocrisy, Jimmy Carter, Le Duc Tho, Liu Xiaobo, Mahatma, Martin Luther King Jr., Mikhail Gorbachev, Mohandas Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Nobel Committee, Nobel laureates, Nobel Peace Prize, non-violence, Norway, pacifism, Peace Prize as political statement, resignation in protest, Ronald Reagan, Shimon Peres, undeserving winners, Yasser Arafat, Yitzhak Rabin
We're Not Altogether Sure That Ben Stein Deserves The Nobel Peace Prize. Ferris Bueller Just Doesn't Hold Up.
The Nobel Peace Prize was once one of the most prestigious honors an individual could receive, given out for actions which furthered the pursuit of peace. Many previous laureates are deservedly beloved either for their work toward establishing peace, or for the peaceful means by which they achieved change under difficult circumstances: Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Andrei Sakharov, Jimmy Carter, and non-violent head of the African National Congress, Albert Lutuli.
We're Rough On Jimmy From Time To Time, But He Earned This One.
To some degree, the Nobel Prize has always been about expressing the Nobel Committee’s political view, as in 1973, when the Peace Prize was awarded jointly to Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho, the latter having the good grace to refuse the award. Two members of the committee quit in protest over the selection.
Recently, the award has slipped further toward irrelevance as the politicization of the Peace Prize has increased. Nelson Mandela, the cause celebre of the late 1980s, was awarded the prize in 1992 despite refusing to renounce violence on behalf of the ANC, an organization he wrested from the non-violent Lutuli.
" . . . For Which I Thank The Nobel Committee. Good Night. Okay, Send 30,000 Fresh Troops To Afghanistan."
In 1993 Yitzhak Rabin and Shimon Peres shared the award with terrorist and closeted homosexual Yasser Arafat. In 1990 Mikhail “Spot” Gorbachev was awarded the prize, but not his partner in peace, Ronald Reagan. Following the cue of the American people, the Nobel Committee made Barrack Obama a laureate based on what he might do. Obama took some time from planning the United States’ escalation of the War in Afghanistan to make a quick speech before the Committee. Al Gore, America’s Official Second Banana, took home the prize in 2007 for jetting around the world to remind people to travel coach.
Fact: Excessive Amounts Of Self-Satisfaction Can Lead To Obesity.
Awarding the prize to Liu Xiaobo, a Chinese dissident further waters down the meaning of the prize. Although Liu Xiaobo–and anyone who challenges the Beijing regime is undoubtedly brave–it’s difficult to see what achievements he’s made toward peace. If anything, riling up an autocratic regime leads to anything but peace.
Arafat's Peace Bona Fides: While Many Of Arafat's Soldiers Died Violently, The Nobel Laureate Died Peacefully In A French Hospital.
Many recipients of the prize are certainly deserving of recognition for their superlative efforts in some field, but the Peace Prize seems cheapened somehow by giving it to people who aren’t really all that interested in peace. What might work better is if the Nobel Committee first picked their laureate, and then created a one-time prize based on his or her accomplishments.
"So You Have Given This Award To A Killer Like Arafat, But For Ghandiji Nothing? If Your First Thought Upon Awakening This Morning Was To Piss Off The Mahatma, Then Let Me Tell You Something My Friend, 'Mission Accomplished.'"
To better demonstrate exciting innovation in award theory, we proudly present:
The Promethean Situational Peace Prize 2010 Inductees:
The Promethean Peace Prize For Cessation of Hostilities: Henry Kissinger, Le Duc Tho.
The Promethean Peace Prize For Promising to Stop Fighting: Yitzhak Rabin, Shimon Peres, Yasser Arafat.
The Promethean Peace Prize For Potential Future Peacemaking: Barack Obama.
The Promethean Peace Prize For Using Violence To Achieve Political Aims: Nelson Mandela.
11 Monday Oct 2010
Tags
5th SS Panzer Division Wiking, Adolf Hitler, cabals, GOP, historical reenactors, Michael Steele, National Socialism, Nazi uniform, New Order, Ohio, Ohio 9th Congressional District, political suicide, Republican Party, Rich Iott, SS, stupidity, Tea Party, Weekend Wehrmacht, white supremacists, Zionism
It turns out that Rich Iott, the GOP’s nominee for Ohio’s 9th Congressional District, likes to dress up as an SS officer. This may prove a liability in the upcoming election.
Had The Photo Been Of--Say, Iott Having Relations With A Goose, For Example--He Might Have A Chance. But This?
Although Iott contends that his activities with Wiking, a group which reenacts the battles of Germany’s 5th SS Panzer Division Wiking, merely reflect his love of history, this incident raises serious question about Iott’s electability. At the very least this displays a marked lack of judgement for a candidate. The only thing more politically damaging than being photographed in a Nazi officer’s uniform is actually going full Mönti and dressing up like Hitler.
"My Opponents Will Try To Use This To Discredit Me, But The Voters Are Smarter Than That. Come November, There Will Be A Final Solution. No . . .Wait. *Resolution.* That's What I Meant."
While this news should play well within the relatively tiny white supremacist subculture, that’s likely to be of little benefit to Iott, as very few such individuals vote, believing it to be a “waste of time since the Zionist cabal has already determined the winner.” It will play poorly with both the Democratic party and with moderate to conservative elements within the GOP. Members of the Tea Party are expected to react no more warmly. Although Iott is a Tea Party candidate, the party is said to be fuming at the weekend Krieger’s indiscretion. A disgusted Tea Party member was heard opining that, “You can’t have National Socialism without socialism.”
Michael Steele Inexplicably Remains As The GOP Chief: "Look, Everybody Dresses Up Like A Nazi Now And Then, Right? But What We're Saying Is, He Shouldn't Have Let Them Take His Picture."
Most observers predict that the disclosure of his involvement with the Weekend Wehrmacht will doom Iott’s election bid. Not so, says the congressional hopeful. “America has been ‘business as usual’ for too long. What you’re really talking about is institutional chaos. Rich Iott will make sense of the chaos, and with your help will bring about a New Order in November.”
Britain Bequeathed To America The Gift Of Liberty. It Stands To Reason Some Less Savory Traits Might Have Been Included.
11 Monday Oct 2010
Tags
'Lil 'Lil Kim, 'Lil Kim, 'Lil Kim is dying, Asia, Brilliant Comrade, comical despots, despots of size, fat people, impoverished third-world hellhole, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-il is batshit crazy, Kim Jong-un, Kim Jong-un is batshit crazy, North Korea, people of size, succession, Why am I so fat?
Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss. Except Much Fatter.
It’s not typical in the information age for the political rising star of a nuclear-capable rogue state to go unnoticed by nervous foreign powers. But in the case of the Brilliant Comrade, Kim Jong-il’s mysterious and until recently unknown son, Kim Jong-un, that appears to be exactly what happened.
Because Despots-In-Training--Even The Comical Kind--Do Not Smile For Photos.
Now the old man is trotting ‘Lil ‘Lil Kim out at every opportunity, giving the world a chance to examine the Brilliant Comrade in detail. He’s a little heftier than previous pictures indicated, not unremarkable in a country so desperately lacking in food. Moreover, ‘Lil ‘Lil Kim’s porcine features coupled with the irascible disposition he is said to have inherited from his father lends him that special brand of terrifying goofiness which should allow him to lord over the impoverished third-world hellhole as long as its crumbling infrastructure holds out.
"Th-Th-Th-That's All, F-F-F-Forks!"
07 Thursday Oct 2010
Tags
Africa, blood-drinking, butt naked, Christianity, crazy people, cross dressing, demonic possession, Devil, freeballing, Gen. Naked, General Butt Naked, General Junk All Hangin' Out, homophobia, human sacrifice, Joshua Blahyi, Liberia, mass murderers, massacre, militias, nakedness, not responsible by way of Satan, nudity, Sarpo, Truth and Reconciliation Commission, unfortunate nicknames, unpunished war criminals, warlords
General We Understand. But Why Butt Naked?
In 1971, Joshua Blahyi’s parents christened him with a perfectly respectable name. But during the first Liberian Civil War of the early-1990s, the young Sarpo tribesman became better known as the infamous General Butt Naked.
That the name sounds reminiscent of a comic book super-villain is appropriate. According to his own testimony before Liberia’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Gen. Naked and his forces slaughtered upwards of 20,000 people. While such a figure does not propel him to Hitlerian status, it does confirm his status as a free-swinging cock.
Which, perhaps not coincidentally is how Gen. Naked acquired his colorful nickname. Said to lead his troops clad in nothing but sneakers and an assault rifle, the freeballing guerilla struck fear in the hearts of his enemies.
"Because Of The Atrocities, Human Sacrifice And Blood Drinking--All Performed Nude, I'd Like To Add-- People Have The Idea That I'm Some Kind Of Monster."
His savagely loyal troops were often similarly non-attired. Sometimes they would dress in drag before their raids, presumably to strike extra fear within the hearts of any homophobes among their victims.
Sister Is Doin' It For Himself.
The General’s career began when he received a phone call from the devil at age 11. Backed by his infernal sponsor, Naked was soon a high priest among his tribe, practicing a fanatical polyglot Christianity which incorporated aspects of several local faiths. The warlord admitted to acts of child sacrifice and blood-drinking on the eve of battles.
General Butt Naked is reformed now, and works as an evangelical minister in Liberia. The General claims to feel “very bad, so bad” about his former crimes, but insists that as one possessed by the devil, he is not responsible for his actions. The nickname he keeps around as a sort of souvenir.
God Forgives Reverend Butt Naked. Why Won't The Families Of His Victims?
Promethean Times 