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~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

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Category Archives: Crime

Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct

18 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, General Foolishness, Justice, Prison Culture, Relationships, Scandal

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Tags

ACLU, chutzpah, don't drop the soap, female prison guards, Fox news, magnificent bastard, Michael Murphy, Montana State Prison, prison sex, sex in prison, sex with inmates, sex with prisoners, sexual misconduct, shower assault, you got a real purty mouth

You came for the headline, stay for the article.

This piece from Fox News is somewhat counterintuitive in that it alleges that female guards commit more sex acts with male inmates than do male guards with female inmates.

I know, right?

Perhaps even more compelling is the story of Michael Murphy, the Montana inmate who had sex with at least five prison employees, including his therapist.  Murphy told the ACLU that he had been sexually assaulted by the five women, demonstrating a phenomenal level of chutzpah in addition to his undeniable sexual magnetism. 

Promethean Times salutes Michael Murphy.  God speed, you magnificent bastard!

Michael Murphy (Artist's Conception)

Apparently Prison Sex Isn’t All About Getting Raped In The Shower: Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct – Local News Articles | National News | US News – FOXNews.com

Smaktakula

Walmart Likes To Kick ‘Em When They’re Down

18 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Corporate Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, Justice

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

brain cancer, corporate douchebaggery, corporate policy, cruel, dope, douchebaggery, ganja, heartless, inoperable cancer, Joseph Casias, marijuana, medical marijuana, pot, reefer, sinus cancer, sweet sweet cheeba, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart is evil, Wal-Mart sucks, weed

Wal-Mart, never known for its benevolent business tactics or for treating its employees like human beings, has taken dickheadedness to new and exciting heights heretofore undreamed in the long and storied annals of corporate douchebaggery.

Joseph Casias was fired for violating Wal-Mart’s drug policy by using marijuana.

Was he toking up in the Wal-Mart?

No, it turned up in a blood test after he was injured at work.

Aha!  Well, cannabis use is against policy.

Mr. Casias used marijuana for medical reasons.

No doubt.   Did he get it for chronic insomnia?

Yeah, that–along with inoperable brain and sinus cancer.

. . .

A story so bathed in pathos would give almost pause to almost any other corporate juggernaut–even the most despicable and black-hearted.  But the Great Beast Wal-Mart is not simply any corporate juggernaut; it is an entity unto itself and unlike anything known to man.  Wal-Mart divested itself of compassion along with high prices a long time ago.  The only time pathos can expect notice from Wal-Mart is when it comes with a price tag.

Wal-Mart said it had no plans to rehire Mr. Casias, but that it wished him the very best, from the bottom of its black and kitten skull-encrusted heart.

Impressed By Wal-Mart's Indifference To Human Suffering

Never before has douchebaggery been offered at such  a low, low price: FOXNews.com – Wal-Mart ‘Sympathetic’ to Man Fired for Using Medical Pot, but Won’t Rehire Him.

Smaktakula

Corrupt Afghan Despot Has Hissyfit Over Capture Of Taliban BFF

17 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in International Relations, Justice, Middle East, Military, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

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Afghanistan, corrupt Afghan despot, corruption, Hamid Karzai, ingratitude, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, Pakistan, Pakistani forces, secret meetings, Taliban, treachery, United States of America, US Intelligence

The election-rigging, opponent-intimidating, undemocratic yet American-backed president of Afghanistan is all wound up by the capture of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar by Pakistani forces aided by US intelligence.   It was revealed that Karzai was engaging in secret talks with the high-ranking Taliban official.  After this incident, Karzai is afraid that the Taliban will forever regard him as a big jerk. 

Karzai: Hurt Feelings Resulted From The Capture Of The Enemy With Whom He Was Secretly Meeting

You knew Karzai was corrupt, but did you know he was a treacherous ingrate?  Well, read this anyway: Aide: Karzai ‘Very Angry’ at Taliban Boss’ Arrest – Afghanistan | Map | War – FOXNews.com.    

Smaktakula

A Confederacy Of D-Bags

16 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Scandal

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Andrew Young, Blago, Cheri Young, contempt of court, douchebaggery, Eliot Spitzer, Elizabeth Edwards, Game Change, Gary Hart, GQ photo spread, John Edwards, John Edwards sex tape, Judge Abraham Penn, National Enquirer, political leper, political pariah, Rielle Hunter, Rod Blagojevich, Spiro Agnew, superior court

By Smaktakula

Ex-John Edwards aide Andrew Young  has been ordered by Superior Court Judge Abraham Penn to return all copies of a sex tape allegedly made by Edwards and his mistress, Rielle Hunter.  Failing this, Young and his wife Cheri face jail for contempt of court.         

It’s hard to have sympathy for any of the players in this sad drama–certainly not the Youngs, who are accused of holding extra copies of the sex tape, nor for the ostensible victims, Edwards and Hunter.       

Edwards: Not Always A Political Leper

Edwards, who came close to capturing the vice presidency in 2004, has since then systematically shredded every last vestige of his reputation, and sent his once-promising political career spiralling wildly beyond Gary Hart territory, finally settling in the land of posterity’s bottom-feeders, featuring the likes of  Spiro Agnew and future Trivial Pursuit answers  Rod “Blago” Blagojevich and Eliot Spitzer.  According to Game Change, Edwards was so self-deluded even after being outed as Hunter’s babydaddy by a supermarket tabloid, the pretty North Carolinian was still angling to be Obama’s Attorney General.         

Edwards’ decision to make a sex tape with Hunter, let alone allowing it to fall out of his possession, is a course of action so decidedly reckless and even stupid that it begs the question: Did Edwards sabotage himself intentionally?         

It’s doubtful–Edwards appears to be divorced from reality.  What does remain open to debate is the question, to what degree?  Despite all the storms Edwards has weathered in the past two years, the former senator remains capable of Herculean feats of self-deception, even if increasingly he can’t fool much of anybody else.  Most recently, he’s taken his act to Haiti, vowing to help the Haitians as only John Edwards can.  Presumably, this means suing the manufacturers of faulty swimming pool pumps.  If this is the indeed the case, the Haitian swimming pool supply industry may need to apply for some of the international relief funds which continue to pour into Haiti: Edwards may be cheap, but his bill won’t be.         

Rielle Hunter might be the most interesting player in this drama, not only for her role as a future footnote in the annals of history, but also for both for many lives she’s lived– among them actress, a savvy videographer who could make YouTube work for political candidates, game-show contestant, fraud victim and the inspiration for a literary character.  Perhaps her ability to reinvent herself is what Edwards saw in her in the first place.  Like Hunter, Edwards is a chameleon, in which the search for identity is life’s meaning.         

Hunter is shedding her most recent skin for GQ.  Painted for so long as “the other woman,” Hunter wants to show the world the kind of wholesome gal she is.         

Hunter: Tasetful GQ "Spread"

 Young, Edwards’ former lickspittle and author of the recent political tell-all The Politician, wants us to know that he was a pawn in something beyond his ken.  Edwards was a Rasputin, Young would have us believe, and caught his innocent aide in the web of his machinations.  It was for those reasons–loyalty, esprit de corps, hero-worship–that Young humiliated his own family by claiming to be the father of Rielle Hunter’s child.  Sadder yet, it appears this deception fooled no one, except perhaps for Elizabeth Edwards.        

At first it seemed that Cheri Young’s only wrongdoing was exercising poor choice in agreeing to marry Andrew Young.  When most of the public knew that Edwards was almost certainly the father of Hunter’s child, it was still possible to pity the humiliated Cheri when her husband ridiculously claimed to be the father of  Hunter’s child.  With the potential contempt charges hanging over Cheri as well as her husband, it appears that the wronged wife has at least a little of the grifter in her.  In this, she’s found herself in welcome company.         

Young: Claims Not To Be A Sneering Ass

 Currently, the bizarre quartet comprising Edwards, Hunter and the Youngs is now split into two very distinct–and opposing–camps.  Promethean Times predicts that in a few short years, when the money’s run out and the notoriety isn’t enough even to keep the National Enquirer interested, what is now two will most likely be four.         

Elizabeth Edwards: Hard To Believe John Would Go Outside The Marriage For Sex

 

Village Massacres Shake Uneasy Nigeria

12 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Africa, Christianity, Crime, Islam, Religion, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christianity, Christians, George Clooney, Goodluck Jonathan, Green Day, Islam, James Bond, muslims, Niger, Nigeria, Nigerian massacre, U2, village massacres, Wall Street Journal, WSJ

Nigeria (not to be confused with its similar sounding and similarly-troubled neighbor Niger) is experiencing more religious violence between Muslims and Christians.         

Since the unrest in Nigeria has yet to attain Third-World-Crisis-of-the-Moment status, it languishes in the doldrums of global anonymity.  Lacking a Green Day song or an impassioned plea by George Clooney, the religious violence in Nigeria will likely go on unabated.         

This quote from the article helps to illustrate just how deep the hostilities run within Nigeria:         

An elderly woman prayed at the edge of the burial pit, chanting. “By God’s grace we will enter their villages and kill their women and children,” she repeated.      

Adding to Nigeria’s sinister-quotient is the vice president (and current acting president), Goodluck Jonathan.  Not only does Mr. Jonathan have the perfect name to be the arch-villain’s freakish henchman in a James Bond film, he’s got the right look, too.    

"No, Mr. Bond--I Expect You To Die"

 Read About It Before U2 Sings About It: Village Massacres Shake Uneasy Nigeria – WSJ.com.   

Smaktakula 

Reuters Wants You To Know That U.S. Children Turn To Inhaling To Get High

12 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Drug Culture, Drugs, Duh, General Foolishness, Health, National Events

≈ Leave a comment

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aerosols, choking game, fainting game, genie, getting high, household products, huffing, inhalants, Jenkem, K2, media scare, Reuters, Rocket Ride, sensationalist media, sniffing, solvent, Spice, urban legends, vapors

And Reuters is turning to sensationalism to sell ad space.  

The illicit inhalation of household products, or huffing, can have profound and disastrous effects on users.  It is axiomatic that this message be reinforced among young people, the group most likely to begin abusing inhalants.  Reminding the public about the danger posed by inhalants is a laudable endeavor, but sounding the alarm for its own sake is foolish.     

Are more children using inhalants now?     

The rate of inhalant use of that age has remained steady over the past few years, but officials are concerned that young people increasingly do not see abusing inhalants as risky.     

Oh.  Inhalant abuse hasn’t increased among children, it’s just that officials are worried about it.  Apparently, Reuters thinks you should be worried too.  Just like with Jenkem, K2 and the Choking Game.   

Could This Be Your Child? You Bet It Could!

 

Even As You Read This Your Children Are Huffing!: U.S. children turn to inhaling to get high: study | Reuters. 

Smaktakula

Lindsay Lohan Needs $$$

10 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Commercials, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Justice, Movies, People, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cocaine, E-Trade, E-Trade commercial, Flower of American Skankhood, hos, ladies of easy virtue, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Lohan lawsuit, Lohan sues, skankery, skanks, sluts, tramps

By Smaktakula

Because cocaine isn’t cheap.          

Lindsay Lohan, Flower of American Skankhood and tabloid headline regular, claims she’s been dishonored by a recent E-Trade commercial.  Team Lohan maintains that E-Trade used her “likeness, name, characterization and personality” without permission.          

The offending commercial:          

While it’s true that most reasonable people would be horrified to be in any way associated with these E-Trade grotesqueries, it’s not clear that the use of the name “Lindsay” was intended to imply any connection with Ms. Lohan.  The infant in the commercial could be any skank named Lindsay.          

Team Lohan will no doubt respond with the trenchant counter that prior to Ms. Lohan’s use of the name, “Lindsay” was associated with virtue.  Now the name is linked inextricably not only to skanks, but also to sluts, hos, tramps, ladies of easy virtue and the like.  Ms. Lohan will therefore contend that any unflattering or mocking depiction of a “Lindsay” is a direct and intentional use of the former child-star’s image.          

What Might Have Been

Regardless of the lawsuit’s outcome, there are already plenty of losers.   A generation of young women looks up to Lindsay Lohan, and to those women–the skanks of tomorrow–this news will no doubt come as a heavy blow.   But like the spunky strumpet they idolize, this junior varsity Jersey Shore will no doubt face the coming challenges with characteristic élan.  Look for them and you will find them: lifting up their shirts for a stranger’s camera, dressing like hookers to piss off Daddy, and that old chestnut–getting a mammoth, butterfly design tramp stamp which reads CLASSY LASSY.          

Lindsay may be down for the moment, but the Sisterhood of Skank soldiers on.

They’ve Got The Wrong Gadahn Guy!

07 Sunday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Crime, Islam, Military, National Events, People, Terrorism, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Adam Gadahn, al Qaeda, al Qaeda stooge, American al Qaeda, Azzam al-Amriki, Islam, mistaken identity, muslims, Pakistan, propaganda, propagandist, syphilitic frogs, traitor, treason, United States of America, US-born al Qaeda, Yahya Majadin Adams

Treasonous al Qaeda stooge and American washout Adam Gadahn, who performs under the stage name Azzam al-Amriki, was reported captured earlier today.

It’s now being reported that while an important al Qaeda figure was captured, it wasn’t Gadahn.  The actual detainee may have closely resembled the American-born propagandist Gadahn, in which case the captured fighter is most likely a syphilitic frog.

I Sold Out My Country And All I Got For It Was This Lousy Tablecloth

Read about the hilarious identity mix up here and here.

Smaktakula

Times Online: Turkey Recalls Ambassador After US Genocide Vote

05 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Christianity, Europe, History, Islam, Justice, Middle East, Military, Political Correctness, Politics, Religion, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

1915, Armenia, Armenian Genocide, Armenian Holocaust, genocide, House Committee on Foreign Affairs, Islam, Islamic Republic, massacre, Muslim, Ottoman Empire, pogrom, Turkey, Turkish, Turks, United States of America, US Ambassador

Despite pleas from the Obama Administration, the House Committee on Foreign Affairs has voted to label Turkey’s 1915 pogrom against Armenians as a genocide.

From a strategic standpoint, this is madness.  The Turks have already made clear their feelings on the issue, and to persist in this course risks alienating our closest Muslim ally (Turkey, it should be noted, is a model among predominately Muslim nations for its staunchly secular government).  Moreover, the raising of this issue now risks undermining recent overtures between Turkey and Armenia.

Conversely, Turkey’s argument is that the 1915 massacres did not constitute a genocide, claiming that the death statistics have been exaggerated.  While that is indeed very likely, it is a specious argument.  A genocide is both a deliberate and a systematic elimination of a people.  It is a crime of intent, and the relative size of the body count doesn’t matter.

Turkey Shoot Here: Turkey recalls ambassador after US vote on Armenia ‘genocide’ – Times Online.

Smaktakula

Great Moments In American Diplomacy: January 1992–Bush 41 Pukes On Japanese PM

05 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Asia, Food, General Foolishness, Health, History, Humor, Justice, People, Politics, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

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Bush 41, diplomacy, George Bush Sr., George Herbert Walker Bush, Great Moments In American Diplomacy, Japanese Prime Minister, Kiichi Miyazawa, Prime Minister of Japan, puke, vomit

George Herbert Walker Bush Remembers The Arizona

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