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Tag Archives: genocide

Old Lady Takes Out Armenia’s Internet

07 Thursday Apr 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History, Politics

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Tags

Armenia, Armenian Genocide, Armenian Holocaust, Azerbaijan, freaky things people eat, genocide, Georgia, Holocaust, internet, Turkey, yogurt soda

By Smaktakula

Even With The Internet Down, This Armenian Super-Computer Still Has A Utilitarian Function.

An elderly Georgian woman is facing legal action after accidentally terminating internet service to Armenia.  This is an especially hard blow for the tiny temporary country, which is said to be struggling to find its feet and constantly on guard against neighbor and historical enemy Turkey, which tends to erase Armenia from the map every couple of generations.

Technology Problems Can Be Devastating For A Culture Which Has Yet To Discover Edible Food.

The elderly prankster says she was digging for copper when she inadvertently stripped the data-carrying line, causing the data outage in Armenia, as well as in some parts of Georgia and Azerbaijan.  Although authorities fixed the problem within a few hours, the incident was said to be a tremendous inconvenience for the dozen or so Armenians familiar with the internet.

"Without The Internet, How Can I Send Out My Daily Reminder About The Armenian Holocaust? It's Not Fair--Everybody Talks About The Jewish Holocaust, But We Had Ours First, And It Was Way Better."

Promethean Times’ 2010 Person Of The Year: Us

31 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by tardsie in Celebrity, Cinema, Crime, Culture, History, News, Politics, Religion, Sport

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'Lil Kim, 2010, 2011, Abner Doubleday should sue the hell out of the guy who 'invented' cricket, Africa, American soldiers, Axis of Evil, Barack Obama, bellicose shenanigans, Bernie Madoff, BP, Bradley Manning, Bush the intellectuable, Chief Executive, comical despots, Conan O'Brien, congress, conventional wisdom, copyright infringement, corporate douchebaggery, cricket, Democratic Party, effete Mac users, Elizabeth Edwards, Face & Boobs man, feel-good policies, figurative fellatio, Franklin Pierce, Fugeeman, games foreigners play, genocide, George W. Bush, GOP, Haiti, Haitian Crisis, Haitian Earthquake, Hitler of Major League Baseball, How very original!, hucksterism, impoverished third-world hellhole, Iran, Jay Leno, John Edwards, Julian Assange, Kim Jong-il is batshit crazy, leeches, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is batshit crazy, Martha Stewart Living, Michael Lohan, MiLo, Miss You Mom, modern classics, Mood the Dude, mullets, Nanci Pelosi, nanny state, North Korea, Osama bin Laden, Osama's crazed legions, Pat Robertson, Pat Robertson is batshit crazy, People Magazine, personal magnetism, Pierce was known more for drink than for effective leadership, poor Elizabeth Edwards--she was so brave and she suffered so much, popular culture, President Bush, President Obama, Promethean Times, Promethean Times' Person of the Year, religious right, Republican Party, retcons, rumor has it that the vote for Person of the Year was fixed, San Francisco Giants, San Mateo, Sarah Palin, Smaktakula's hatred of the San Francisco Giants, special-needs children, Spiro Agnew, Sports Illustrated, step your game up, Steve Jobs, Tea Party, terrifying Campfire Girl, Texas Rangers, the canonization of St. Elizabeth, the cult-like devotion accorded to Steve Jobs by effete Mac users, the Devil, the impotence of the UN, the increasing irrelevance of TIME, the UN's maddening inaction in the face of genocide, theogeologist, Tim Lincecum, Time, TIME allows pedestrian intellects to believe they are otherwise, TIME's Person of the Year, Tony Hayward, tradition, Transformers I and II, treachery, UN, United Nations, United States of America, WikiLeaks, Wyclef Jean, yes theogeologist is another coinage but like grammaverick you've gotta admit it kicks ass

By Promethean Times

Conventional wisdom warns that TIME‘s annual Person of the Year award is so iconic as to render superfluous any imitations.  However, as it has so many times before, Promethean Times eschews the expected by boldly forging a new path, in this instance by appropriating TIME‘s 80-year-old tradition.

Did You Know? TIME Was Once Known For Journalism, And Was Considered More Newsworthy Than Its Current Contemporaries, People Magazine And Martha Stewart Living.

The decision to bestow Promethean Times with this highly coveted accolade did not come easily.  A great many individuals and events helped to make 2010 one of the most dynamic years on record.

There was Julian Assange of WikiLeaks, and traitorous American soldier Bradley Manning, who assisted in the appropriation of several documents.  There was BP’s disgraced Tony Hayward, whose reputation in tatters, has only his fabulous wealth to console him, and Bernie Madoff, although convicted in 2009, still managed to keep his name in circulation.

US President Barack Obama rammed through feel-good policies to be billed to posterity and the people loved him for it.  The press, however, seemed to recover from their embarrassing love affair with the Chief Executive, quixotically alternating hot and cold by one day proclaiming the President a lame duck, and the next heralding him as the greatest president since Franklin Pierce.

One Of These Kids Is More Popular Than The Other.

Much as a leech would, Congress eagerly clung to the President’s agenda, but lacking the President’s (or any, largely) personal magnetism, found itself the victim of what the press liked to call “an anti-incumbent agenda.”  Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi realized too late that a sunny smile does little good when it’s the handiwork of San Mateo’s finest Face & Boobs man.

Then there was the Tea Party to consider.  The completely leaderless grassroots organization, headed by terrifying Campfire Girl Sarah Palin and funded by deep-pocketed partisans, managed to drive the few remaining moderate Republicans from the GOP.  This end was aided by the Republicans’ skill at figuratively fellating the Religious Right, although the Democrats made a game and creditable attempt at it.

Pretty-like-the-prom-queen huckster John Edwards imploded earlier this year, terrifyingly reminding people ignorant of Spiro Agnew that America came “this close” to electing a scumbag as vice-president.  Edwards’ estranged wife Elizabeth, long regarded as a dismissive, cold-hearted bitch, received secular canonization upon her recent death, and has been retconned into a nurturing, saintly person.  She got cheated on and she died?  Tsk.  You will be missed, Elizabeth.

Finally! Someone Faced A Debilitating Illness With Courage And Dignity. Don't You Wish Elizabeth Had Been Your Mom?

Former President George Bush was also considered for Person of the Year due to his lasting influence on the country, and on the Democratic Party in particular.  Until the weeks preceding the November elections, Democrats were so enamored of the former Republican Chief Executive that the words ‘George W. Bush’ comprised 25-35% of the typical Democratic fundraising speech.

Fugeeman responded to the Haitian earthquake with the aplomb and statesmanship one would expect from a Caribbean head of state; he announced a presidential bid which then unceremoniously petered out.  We also gave some thought to the Devil, who many experts, including noted theogeologist Pat Robertson, believe to be the ultimate author of the devastating Haitian Quake.  The UN deserved some consideration as well, despite that the global organization’s response to the Haitian Crisis was characteristically bungled and that it continues to counter both African genocide and rogue nuclear states with the twin forces of hand-wringing coupled with laughably empty threats.

The Machinations Of This Evil Genius Bedevil Us Still.

We considered several despots, including the scrappy madman Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, who holds in equal contempt mullets and the Jews, and the comically diminutive Kim Jong-il, North Korea’s dying tyrant, who continues to terrify an impotent international community with his bellicose shenanigans, and who elevated his special-needs son to the #2 spot in the impoverished third-world hellhole.  And although he had a comparatively mellow 2010, ‘Lil Kim and Mood the Dude’s Axis of Evil amigo, Osama bin Laden, quietly exerted his pernicious influence on his legions of crazed followers.

Pop culture had its share of earth-shakers.  It was hard to overlook Josh Duhamel, whose masterful performance in the universally-beloved modern classic Transformers I and II shattered expectations about what movie-goers could expect from an infantile two-hour commercial.  At the same time an inane late-night war between TV icons Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien diverted the attentions of a grateful nation in the same way as does a bright piece of string or a shiny object.  And somewhere, Steve Jobs did something that made effete Mac users cream their shorts.

Is This The World You Want For Your Children?

In sporting news, the San Francisco Giants, called the ‘Hitler of Major League Baseball’ by at least one satiric internet source, won the World Series over the nearly-as-odious Texas Rangers.  Also, there was some scandal in cricket–it’s a game copied from baseball, apparently–that stoked the ire of millions across the globe, but was otherwise unimportant.

Taking all these people and events into account, we worked tirelessly to determine the single most transformational factor in 2010.  In the end, we were unanimous on our selection of Promethean Times as Promethean Times‘ Person of the Year, citing Promethean Times‘ ongoing benefit to the global community as well as its consistent awesomeness.  Promethean Times is “extremely surprised, but pleased” by the announcement.

And for Promethean Times‘ Douchebag of the Year: Michael “MiLo” Lohan. What the hell, right?

His Infernal Majesty Assures Us That In 2011, He'll Step His Game Up.

Happy 2011, everybody!

Priest’s Holocaust Comparison Deemed Improper

09 Friday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Culture, History, Religion

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Tags

anti-semitism, Catholic Church, Catholic sex abuse scandal, Father Raniero Cantalamessa, free speech, genocide, Holocaust, Holocaust comparisons, hypocrisy, molestation, Nazis, Political Correctness, Ragnarok, real Nazis were pretty fucking awful, Soup Nazi

By Smaktakula

Whose Holocaust is it anyway?

During his Good Friday address from the Vatican, the Pope’s personal preacher likened attacks on the church and the pope to the horrors of the Holocaust.  Paraphrasing a Jewish friend’s letter, Father Raniero Cantalamessa declared,

The use of stereotypes and the shifting of personal responsibility to a collective guilt remind me of the most shameful aspects of anti-Semitism.

Promethean Times deplores this unacceptable Holocaust comparison, which was made even more egregious by the abundance of acceptable Holocaust comparisons from which Fr. Cantalamessa could have chosen.  Instead, he aimed low and chose to invoke this powerful comparison to defend the Church’s response to public anger over its own misdoings.

Something About Global Warming, We Think.

It is imperative that when Holocaust comparisons are made, they are made responsibly.  Responsible Holocaust comparison means choosing an acceptable atrocity or deplorable condition which to compare.  The following partial list of maladies and social ills have been found acceptable for Holocaust comparison:

  • AIDS
  • Racism
  • Global Warming/Environment/Climate Change/Ragnarök
  • Abortion
  • Famine
  • People Without Health Insurance
  • The plight of Native Americans in modern American society.
  • The Palestinian situation (for those who like their Holocaust comparisons served with a little irony).
  • Lastly, in what is generally considered an archaic usage, the Holocaust is sometimes compared to the genocide perpetrated against the Jews, communists, homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses and just about everybody else by Nazi Germany in the 1930s and 1940s.

So Is The Whole Thing That The Nazis Wouldn't Give Jewish People Soup? Because We Thought There Was More To It Than That.

Times Online: Turkey Recalls Ambassador After US Genocide Vote

05 Friday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Christianity, Europe, History, Islam, Justice, Middle East, Military, Political Correctness, Politics, Religion, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

1915, Armenia, Armenian Genocide, Armenian Holocaust, genocide, House Committee on Foreign Affairs, Islam, Islamic Republic, massacre, Muslim, Ottoman Empire, pogrom, Turkey, Turkish, Turks, United States of America, US Ambassador

Despite pleas from the Obama Administration, the House Committee on Foreign Affairs has voted to label Turkey’s 1915 pogrom against Armenians as a genocide.

From a strategic standpoint, this is madness.  The Turks have already made clear their feelings on the issue, and to persist in this course risks alienating our closest Muslim ally (Turkey, it should be noted, is a model among predominately Muslim nations for its staunchly secular government).  Moreover, the raising of this issue now risks undermining recent overtures between Turkey and Armenia.

Conversely, Turkey’s argument is that the 1915 massacres did not constitute a genocide, claiming that the death statistics have been exaggerated.  While that is indeed very likely, it is a specious argument.  A genocide is both a deliberate and a systematic elimination of a people.  It is a crime of intent, and the relative size of the body count doesn’t matter.

Turkey Shoot Here: Turkey recalls ambassador after US vote on Armenia ‘genocide’ – Times Online.

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