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~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

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Category Archives: Culture

Archbishop Okay With Honor-Killings, But Draws The Line At Pedophilia

12 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Christianity, Crime, Culture, People, Political Correctness, Religion, Scandal, World Affairs

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Archbishop of Canterbury, Catholic Church, Catholic sex abuse scandal, hypocrisy, lost all credibility, pedophile priests, Rowan Wilson, Sharia law, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Rowan Wilson, the Archbishop of Canterbury, maintains that the Catholic Church in Ireland has lost “all credibility” over the widespread allegations of abuse by the clergy.

However, the attention-seeking cleric’s credibility has been many times called into question over asinine comments such as his musings that some aspects of Sharia law be incorporated into British courts.

He's Anglican, Not Catholic--Parents Should Not Hesitate To Entrust Their Children To This Man

This Just In:  Apparently the Archbishop doesn’t draw the line at pedophilia–his Self-Righteousness has recanted his statements condemning the Catholic Church.

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Promethean Times Heartily Regrets Giving Milton Bradley The Benefit Of The Doubt

12 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Baseball, General Foolishness, People, Sports, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

asshat, douchebaggery, flip off, flip the bird, middle finger, Milton Bradley, rude gesture, Seattle Mariners, Texas Fans, Texas Rangers, the Ballpark at Arlington, vulgar gesture

By Smaktakula
Seattle’s Milton Bradley gives the finger to Texas fans.
 
Who’s dumb enough to believe that an asshat like Milton Bradley could or would comport himself in a manner befitting a professional athlete?
 
Promethean Times, that’s who!
 
Thanks for making us look stupid, Milt.

I Am An Unrepentant Asshat

Yeah–Fuck you, too.

Promethean Notions For Wicked Boys And Girls: Dandelions

07 Wednesday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, Humor, Literature, Plantlife, Poetry

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Tags

dandelions, delinquency, mean old neighbor lady, promethean notions, revenge, truancy, wicked boys, wicked girls

By Smaktakula

DANDELIONS

 

When the vinegary old lady

who lives next door

shakes her cane at you and hollers

that nasty children mustn’t run through her yard

because of  her beautiful flowers

which you’ll ruin with your horsey feet,

run away far and fast

leaving only the ghost of your laughter as an echo.

Much later,

when the bent and lonely old lady next door

has shuffled into her home to watch her stories on the television

and not to be bothered with her garden

until the sun has warmed the earth again,

gather dandelions from a secret space

and place them in a bucket

 until it churns and brims with dandelion cumulus,

and then secretly, quietly

so that the stories she watches are louder than your silent feet,

creep back to the old woman’s yard

 and into her beautiful garden.

Then hurl the bucket,

let fly the froth and foam

so that wisps hang in the late April air

like a February snowfall,

and then plummet in their thousands

 upon the dark, rich accepting soil

of the mean old neighbor lady’s garden

for good luck.

Diddy-Spawn Rocks Vegas Like A Tween Pop Idol

05 Monday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Music, People, Relationships, Satire

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birthday, Diddy, Diddy's son, Las Vegas, Puffy, Sean Combs, Sin City, Spawn of Diddy

To celebrate his son’s birthday, rapper/mogul/fashionista Sean “The Artist Formerly Known As Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy and Not-Yet Formerly Known As Diddy” Combs threw a three-day Vegas bash for the Diddlet and his entourage of overindulged brats.             

Despite the many exciting activities for the pre-teen set in Sin City, doubtless the highlight of the evening for the birthday boy was the rare chance to see his father, who breezed in for a photo-op.  According to sources it was the youngster’s ” Best birthday present ever!”    

The younger Diddy is said to have asked for the same gift next year.           

To which the boy’s father indulgently replied, “We’ll see.”         

Hard To Top Last Year's Present: Three Hours With Dad

The Gilded Life Of A Diddlet: Birthday Bling: Diddy’s Son Celebrates 12th With Vegas Bash.             

Smaktakula

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Charlie Sheen Believes Hookers And Booze Fall Magically From The Sky

02 Friday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, People, Television

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

booze, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, debauchery, douchebaggery, drugs, hookers, misplaced artistic integrity, rehab, Richard Simmons, Sheen leaving, spousal abuse, three-time loser, Two and a Half Men, untalented stars

Why else would this three-time loser kill the cash cow by leaving his awful show?              

Good Luck, Chuck!

Industry insiders speculate that the volatile hack may have contracted a case of misplaced artistic integrity (MAI) during his most recent rehab stint.  Delusions are a common symptom of the MAI infection, which could lead Sheen to forget that his artistic range is roughly analagous to the distance Richard Simmons can throw a baseball.               

Ball Four.

 But unlike many of Sheen’s previous infections, this one won’t be fixed by a quick visit to a discreet Mexican doctor.  Charlie should know by now that performing in a cultural Mariana Trench like Two and a Half Men is a lot like being a professional manure wrestler.  You can leave the ring–but the shit still sticks to you.             

Think Charlie’s Best Moments Of Douchebag Idiocy Are Behind Him?  The Kid’s Still Got It: Charlie Sheen wants out of ‘Two and A Half Men’: Report | EW.com.           

Smaktakula

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Happy Thoughts To Make Good Friday A GREAT Friday

02 Friday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in General Foolishness, Holiday, Humor, People

≈ Leave a comment

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Good Friday, happy thoughts, India, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, sniper

TAKE THE SHOT!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TAKE THE SHOT!!!

WORLD OF HELLO KITTY!!! IS SUPER-SMASH PREMIER

01 Thursday Apr 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in General Foolishness, Holiday, Humor

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Badtz Maru, Chammy Kitty, Chococat, Hello Kitty, Japanese characters, Sanrio, stupid shit little girls like, WORLD OF HELLO KITTY

By Smacky Takura

Our New Theme Is Off The Hook!!!

Welcome to

WORLD OF HELLO KITTY!!!

         

Goodbye, Promethean Times . . .

Say HELLO to WORLD OF HELLO KITTY!!!    

    

We have in future many doubleplusgood fun things which you like!                

         

  Fan Fiction!   

         

Art Contests!

Collectibles! 

WORLD OF HELLO KITTY Is The Shizzle!

Naked Bathtub Touch Time! 

         

Games!

Prizes! 

         

And Fun! Fun! Fun!

         

Hello Kitty's Pet: Not At All Weird For A Cat To OWN Another Cat

Our Racism Is So Casual That We Don't Even Notice Any More (TEE HEE)

                

Marijuana Legalization Will Transform Humboldt Into Appalachia

30 Tuesday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, National Events, Plantlife, Politics, Regional Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

ballot measure, California, California marijuana initiative, cannabis, cannabis cowboys, dope, drug legalization, ganja, grass, hemp, Humboldt County, illicit shadow industry, legalize it, marijuana, marijuana legalization, outlaw growers, pot, reefer, sweet sweet cheeba, weed, Zig-Zags, Ziploc

By Smaktakula

In the debate over California’s upcoming ballot measure to legalize marijuana, Promethean Times has heretofore resisted editorializing so that the electorate might arrive at its own decision in November.  However, the discourse has done little to educate voters, and instead has achieved the converse: leaving them confused and angry about what may very well be the defining issue of our times.  This imperative makes clear the mandate that Promethean Times, as a long-trusted source of clear and accurate information, make known its stand on this very important issue.                            

Promethean Times does NOT support the effort to legalize marijuana in California.  America’s stoners have been duped: decriminalizing cannabis is nothing more than a smokescreen for a concerted attack on vital American industries.  Unfortunately, hemp-heads don’t have much time to think about these things, electing to preserve their attenuated attention spans for an Aqua Teen Hunger Force mini-marathon.                            

By Any Means Necessary: These Hippies Don't Care Who Gets Hurt As Long As Reefer Is Legal

Voters are already well-acquainted with legalization’s most obvious dangers: increased crime and urban blight in the form of  such scenarios as pot smokers robbing local businesses at gunpoint to support their habit, women selling themselves for as little as a dime bag, and formerly pristine streets of mainstream America festooned with Ziplocs and Zig-Zags.  Moreover, anti-weed activists speak ominously of a critical snacks and munchies shortfall–the stoner’s equivalent of a “Perfect Storm.”  If America found itself in the throes of a CSMS during a national event such as the Super Bowl or Final Idol, the effect upon the nation would be both immediate and calamitous.                      

As bad as those things are, they fail to take into account a hitherto undiscussed result of marijuana legalization: the effect legalization will have on outlaw marijuana growers.   These cannabis cowboys fear that legalization will not only prove the death knell for a once-thriving industry, but also for a time-honored and cherished way of life.                         

Ghosts Of Prohibition: "T'warn't Revenuers Whut Den Dis Tuh Meh, But Ta Ruhpeel Uh Ta Eighteenth Menment. That'n Inbreeden."

The growers are right to be worried.  If pot is legalized, the high quality marijuana which currently is grown in remote places like Humboldt County, California, will be available in areas of the state which up to now have been forced to settle for shwag or Mexican dirtweed.  Within months of legalization places like Humboldt County will more closely resemble Harlan County, Kentucky than their former selves.                     

But the grim toll of legalization does not end with the outlaw growers and their families.  Also affected are the businesses, often local, which provide the materials for the illegal grow operation: fertilizer & feed stores, horticulture supply stores, as well as companies manufacturing steel-jaw traps for catching poachers, lawmen and unlucky hikers.                            

What effect will legalization have on local peace officers?  Much like tips are to servers, local law enforcement officers feed their families with the bribe money they receive from growers.  Similarly, the need to use thousands upon thousands of  man hours in the effort to interdict a tiny portion of the drug trade helps DEA agents pay their mortgages.  How will California voters explain to the families of these law enforcement officers that because they can’t shake their jones for the sweet, sweet cheeba, there won’t be any Christmas this year–or ever again?                            

Legalization will be harmful enough within the borders of California, but will metastasize beyond the borders even of the nation.  With the loss of the illegal marijuana trade, the Mexican drug cartels will be forced to rely solely on the enormous profits they derive from the sale of methamphetamine, cocaine and heroin, as well as the lucrative human-smuggling market.  It’s easy to see the human face of marijuana legalization when one considers that the average Mexican narco-enforcer has 7 children to feed.                            

The Hidden Victims Of Legalization: Bribe Money Keeps His Daughter In Catholic School

In November, California voters will be presented with an historic opportunity–the chance stand arm-in-arm with the hard-working men and women toiling in America’s illicit shadow industries, to advocate on behalf of  La Familia hitmen and the Federales they bribe,  and to support the legal industries which help support illegal grow operations–by voting NO on marijuana legalization.   Americans are best served by restricting their indulgences to safe and legal products such as alcohol or tobacco.  

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Mad Russian Genius Content With Solitary Life Of Vodka-Drenched Squalor

29 Monday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Europe, People, Science, World Affairs

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

$1 Million prize, brilliant dirty weirdos, Clay Mathematics Institute, cockroach-infested, crazy bastard, Dr. Grigori Perelman, intractable math problem, living in squalor, mad Russian genius, Mathsputin, people with unibrows, Poincare Conjecture, recluse, Russia, solved math problem, St. Petersburg, turned down prize money, weirdos, world's cleverest man

Not Only Is Grigori Blessed With Movie-Star Looks, But He Also Won Some Math Thing

The solution to the fiercely intractable Poincare Conjecture was thought to be so elusive that the Clay Mathematics Institute offered a prize of $1 million to anyone who could provide a verifiable answer.  Russian mathematician Dr. Grigori Perelman has solved it.          

It turns out that the crazy bastard is refusing the prize money: the excruciating and now-thankless mathematical task was apparently reward enough.           

In a nation known for brilliant dirty weirdos, Dr. Perelman is certainly the most superlative brilliant dirty weirdo to appear on the Russian math scene in some time.            

Said to be the world’s cleverest man, Dr Grigori Perelman, 44, lives as a recluse in a bare cockroach-infested flat in St Petersburg. He said through the closed door: ‘I have all I want.’            

The Doctor certainly has the right attitude, and if Perelman’s life is compared to another person’s–say a prisoner in a South American jail–it doesn’t look half bad.  No doubt the eligible ladies of St. Petersburg are asking themselves, Is there by any chance a Mrs. Dr. Perelman?            

Perelman’s complete lack of avarice is both commendable and refreshing (this is perhaps the only quality which might be called refreshing in a man whose funk is so formidable that its reek escapes the two-dimensional confines of a photographic image).  However, no one would think any worse of the brilliant mathematician if he were to accept $25-$50 of the prize money, with which he could purchase a grooming tool at the St. Petersburg Bed, Bath & Beyond. 

If Perelman can solve the Gordian Knot of mathematics, surely he can do something about that unibrow.            

Is True.  I Am Crazy Bastard.  You Read: World’s cleverest man turns down $1million prize after solving one of mathematics’ greatest puzzles | Mail Online.            

Smaktakula

The Legalization Question

25 Thursday Mar 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Health, National Events, National Politics, Plantlife, Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

ballot box, California, California marijuana initiative, cannabis, doobage, dope, drug legalization, ganja, grass, hemp, legalize it, marijuana, marijuana legalization, pot, reefer, sweet sweet cheeba, the initiative, Tommy Chong, weed

California voters will have the opportunity in November to legalize marijuana through the ballot box.  Cannabis legalization is a complicated and contentious issue, requiring every voter to search his or her own soul.  There are no easy answers.   

Promethean Times will not attempt to influence popular opinion by revealing our stand on this hot-button issue.  We recommend instead that the public seek an unbiased opinion about the pros and cons of marijuana legalization from experts such as this distinguished gentleman:   

Tommy Chong: Leaning Toward A Yes Vote

 
Smaktakula
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