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Category Archives: Culture

Your Write-In Campaign For Loser Star Unnecessary

07 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture

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America has ceded her humor advantage to the Canadians, Betty White, Buddy the Elf, Canada, Canada is world's funniest country, cocaine, coke, Cokie Monster, Cookie Monster, drugs, fellatrix, Golden Girls, has-been, kitsch, Larry the Cable Guy, last surviving Golden Girl, loser, Mike Meyers, Mr. T, New Coke, North Korea is the world's unfunniest country, Party On!, pop culture, repetition ad nauseum, Ron Burgundy, Saturday Night Live, SNL, SNL alumnus, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, the laughs race, the unfunnying of America, United States of America, untalented stars, Wayne's World, Will Ferrell, World War II, write-in campaign, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

One of the great surprises in television this year was the write-in campaign for Betty White to host Saturday Night Live.  As the last surviving Golden Girl, the honor was certainly due her, and although we didn’t see the episode, we understand it was a big hit.

Before SNL Existed To Tell Us What Was Cool, We Had To Make Those Judgments Based Solely On Merit.

As in any instance when an unexpected event proves a resounding hit with the fans, SNL’s producers will be tempted to continue with the formula.  Fortunately, SNL has always kept itself away from the practice of abusing an amusing premise by wringing from it every last drop of funny and then casting it aside upon the dust heap of pop culture.

Party On, Wayne! And On.

But of course people will try.  Typing “Dear SNL Please Let Host,” reveals two names most prominently–Ron Burgundy and Buddy the Elf–both characters made somewhat famous by turn-of-the-century funnyman Will Ferrell, himself an SNL alumnus.  A cadre of jaded do-nothings is mounting a serious attempt to return Ferrell to television.

Fact: Paunchy Blond Guys Well-Over Six Feet Tall Are Not Funny. Don't Believe Us? Name One.

This is both dangerous and irresponsible.  Whether motivated by pity or a sense of kitsch, keeping Ferrell’s career alive is a benefit to no one, least of all the former celebrity.  Repeated studies have demonstrated that exposure to comedians like Ferrell or Larry the Cable Guy is arguably the greatest single factor in the unfunnying of America.  Once the funniest country in the world, America ceded first place to Canada sometime in the mid-1980s.  For posterity’s sake, and for Ferrell’s as well, let the man’s career die with a modicum of dignity.

Betty Has Never Gone Back.

Even fictional–although arguably more talented–characters are trying to launch their own write-in campaigns to appear on the comedy program.  Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster has an SNL audition tape, and is reportedly very serious about seeking a hosting gig.  Privately, industry insiders say that the monster has very little chance of success; a reputation for no-shows and erratic behavior have earned him the nickname “Cokie” Monster.

"thenmesaidMEWANTCOOKIEbuttheycouldn'thandle *HNFFF!* couldn'thandlemebeingrealy'knowMEWANTCOOKIEWHATTHEFUCKME *HNFFF!* MEHAVETODOTOGETFUCKINGCOOKIE! goddamncookiemonsterfeelinallright!"

The great Betty White write-in campaign of 2010 brought a brief spontaneity to television, a medium noted for being anything but.  But if we’ve learned anything from such travesties as the New Coke, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace and World War II, it’s sometimes best just to leave the original as it is.

Don't Be Naive. You Really Think Betty Got The Job Through A Write-In Campaign?

News of The Duh: Russia Declared ‘Mafia State’

06 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, News

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Tags

Alexander Litvinenko, Anna Politkovskaya, China, Cold War, death by bullet, death by ice pick, death by radiation, despots, Dmitry Medvedev, Jose Gonzales, Josef Stalin, journalists, KGB, killing journalists, Leon Trotsky, Mafia, mafia state, News of the Duh, political assassination, political killing, Polonium-210, radiation sickness, repression of dissent, Russia, Spain, United States of America, Vladimir Putin, What a country!, WikiLeaks, Yakov Smirnoff

By Smaktakula

Wildly Funny Russian Comedian Yakov Smirnoff Once Compared His Adopted Homeland With The Country Of His Birth, Saying, "In America, You Can Always Find A Party. In Russia, Party Finds You."

Revelations from the most recent round of WikiLeaks.org releases have stunned the international community.  Among them are documents in which a Spanish prosecutor termed Russia a “virtual mafia state,” and said that he “cannot differentiate between the activities of the government and organized crime groups.”

Like Many Anti-Putin Journalists, Anna Politkovskaya Was The Victim Of An Unlucky Accident. The Elevator In Which She Was Riding Malfunctioned And Shot Her Four Times.

The prosecutor, Jose Gonzales could not be reached for comment.  This is largely due to safety concerns for anyone foolish enough to come within 100 feet of the doomed Spaniard.  Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi, an expert on Russian statecraft, said, “Mr. Gonzales has made an enemy of the Putin government,” adding that in 1940, Stalin’s government had gone to great lengths to plant an ice pick in Leon Trotsky’s skull, “He’s pretty much fucked.”

"You See That Guy? When I Was In Seventh Grade, That Guy Was The Editor Of The School Paper, And He'd Always Misspell My Name 'Poopin.' You Still Think You're Funny, Mr. Funny Newspaper Guy?"

Further allegations in the leaked documents border upon the fantastic.  So-called “oil experts” cited in the diplomatic cables allege that Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin amassed at least some portion of his vast fortune through extralegal means.

Russian President and Putin stooge Dmitry Medvedev was quick to dismiss the allegations as “cynicism,” explicitly pointing to the US.  Medvedev further indicated that Putin’s longtime involvement with law-enforcement as a KGB officer makes him especially sensitive to the delicate questions of personal liberty.

This Putin Critic Died Of Radiation Sickness. What Did He Think Would Happen When He Unknowingly Ingested Polonium-210?

Russian journalists had this to say regarding the allegations:

. . .

 

"Come on--I Swear I Won't Be Mad. Seriously. Just Tell Me Who Said That. No, Really--I Think It's Totally Funny What Was Said And I Just Want To Know Who Said It, That's All. Come On, Tell Me."

The Cold War is over, and its authors long dead.  A New World Order rises, one in which the United States and fellow democracies Russia and China will share the responsibilities for creating the harmonious future we all deserve.  Until then, demonizing Russia’s tyrannical overlord is not only foolish, but possibly unfounded.  Unless Putin’s critics can produce a reliable witness, one who can be relied upon not to die prematurely, there’s little evidence that Putin is anything other than the gentleman he purports to be.

WHAT A COUNTRY!

Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka

02 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, History

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

Atlantis, Austria, Barnaby Jones, Burkina Faso, California, cartographers, cartography lobby, Ceylon, Colombo, Colombo not Columbo, Cylons, Djibouti, geographic shenanigans, Haiti, mythical lands, Oz, Rand McNally, Sri Lanka, Tamil Tigers, Tamils, Tibet

By Smaktakula

Much Like Oz Or Atlantis, This Mythical Land Has Inspired The Imagination For Over 50 Years.

In recent months, international news has been replete with stories about Sri Lanka, from the hot and cold civil war between the government and the Tamil Tigers which ravished the tiny nation from 1983 to 2009, to the uneasy peace with exists today.  Thought not a cause célèbre like Tibet or Haiti, Sri Lanka is a region of concern for geopolitical strategists.  A simple internet search for Sri Lanka reveals thousands upon thousands of hits.  But does such a country even exist?

Cartographers say it does.  And on nothing more than the word of these men and women, millions of maps are made to their specifications.  Promethean Times questions the wisdom of placing so much power in the hands of such a small cadre.  It doesn’t take a genius to see that one or two corrupt cartographers could easily introduce a fake country to the world and elude discovery for years or even decades.

Damn! Tamil Chicks Don’t Mess Around.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Have you or anyone you know ever been to Sri Lanka?
  • Have you ever met anyone from Sri Lanka?
  • Have you ever even heard mention of someone from Sri Lanka?

All three questions are easy enough to answer: Of course not!  Beginning to see the picture?  The folks at Rand McNally hope you don’t.

Colombo, Sri Lanka. Because “Barnaby Jones, Sri Lanka” Was Already Taken.

Promethean Times tracked down a man living in Southern California who claims to be from Sri Lanka.  “YS,” as we’ll call him (YS’s name has been withheld not to protect his anonymity, but to spare us the trouble of writing the 341 characters required for the task), agreed to a telephone interview with Promethean Times:

PT: And your contention is that Sri Lanka exists?

YS: (Laughs) Well, of course it exists.  I was born there.

PT:  Hmm.  Yes, you told us that.  What would you say if we told you we’d acquired a copy of your birth certificate?

YS:  You have my birth certificate?  That seems strange and unnecessary.  Why would you–

PT: (Interrupting) And do you know what it says under ‘Country of Birth?’

YS: (Continuing) . . . just find it really odd that you would do that.  I thought this was supposed–

PT: Do you know what it says?  You must since it’s your birth certificate.  Do you want to know?

YS: Tell me.

PT: Do you?

YS: What the hell is wrong with you, anyw–

PT: (Interrupting) It says ‘Ceylon.’

YS: Well, yes–obviously.  But in 1972, Ceylon was renamed Sri Lanka.

PT: Mr. S, you keep adding to your story.  First you were born in Sri Lanka, next you’re saying, ‘Oops, my mistake–I wasn’t born in Sri Lanka after all.  It was a magical land called Cylon.’

YS: Ceylon.

PT: And then Cylon and Sri Lanka are suddenly the same thing!  (Laughs) Frankly, Mr. S–Having repeatedly shown yourself averse to the truth, why should we believe anything you say?

YS: I don’t really care what you thi–

PT: (Interrupting) And what do you say to those critics who contend that people from ‘Sri Lanka’ are just Indians with darker tans?

YS:  What?  Who the hell says that?  Who?

PT:  Us, mostly.

YS:  Don’t call here again.  (Line goes dead)

Why do ‘Sri Lankans’ get so defensive when asked if theirs is a real country?  Perhaps because it’s not?  Until we’re prepared to ask the hard questions of the cartography lobby, we may never know the answer.

How Do We Know That Some Of These Other Wacky ‘Countries’–Burkina Faso, Djibouti, Austria–Even Exist?

Dedicated with much affection to a very tolerant Tamil.

Leslie Nielsen’s Death Inspires Sadness, Confusion

01 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Cinema, Culture, News

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

A-Team, Anderson Cooper, Bill Pullman, Canada, Canadians named Leslie, Celebrity Death Watch, celebrity deaths, CNN, Evansville, George Peppard, Hollywood, Indiana, Jeff Daniels, Lee Marvin, Leslie Nielsen, Mission Impossible, Movies, Robert Graves, Steve Martin, Wild and Crazy Guy

By Smaktakula

Leslie Nielsen: 1926-2010

Evansville, Indiana:  Multiple injuries were reported Sunday night at Ye Owl & Boar Tavern in Evansville, stemming from a dispute surrounding the career of the late actor Leslie Nielsen.  The 84-year old star had died earlier in the day.

Despite Being A Canadian Named Leslie, Nielsen Could Turn On The Tough When He Had To.

Bartender Mort Travis described the argument which led to the brawl.  “The sound was off on the TV, but CNN announced that actor {Nielsen} had died.  Everybody was real sad about that.”  But things would not remain calm.  “Then Jimmy Durbin said the thing that started it all.”

According to several eyewitnesses, what Durbin is reported to have said was, “Of all the things that guy ever did, my favorite was ‘Mission Impossible.'”

"If You Believe In Yourself," Said Nielsen, "No Mission Is Impossible."

“That started everyone arguing,” says Travis, “Because Jimmy had the guy confused with another guy.  I’m pretty sure that guy {Nielsen} was in the A-Team.  You know who I’m talking about–not the black guy.”

Nielsen Remained In Demand During His Later Years By Always Bringing His A-Game.

The brawl resulted in several arrests and three hospitalizations.  However, by an hour before closing time, many of the fight’s participants were back upon their bar stools as if nothing had happened.

In all the confusion, it’s easy to overlook the salient fact underlying the fracas: a great actor and Hollywood legend has left us.  We’ll miss that wild and crazy guy!

"Well Excuuuuuuuuuse Me!"

Just think of the confusion which will arise when either Bill Pullman or Jeff Daniels dies.

Christians Still Bitching About Equal Treatment

01 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Religion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AIDS, burning the Koran, censorship, Christianity, Christians, Coptic Christians, cowardice, double standard, First Amendment, GodBGone, Holy of Holies, hypocrisy, Islam, Jesus, Jesus of Nazareth, Koran, Mohammed, muslims, persecuted Christians, religious persecution, Smithsonian Institution, the Christ, The Passion

By Smaktakula

Christians--Unless You're Willing To Blow Someone Up Over It, We're Afraid This Doesn't Qualify As Offensive.

The Smithsonian Institution has agreed to withdraw a controversial art piece which Christian groups have labelled offensive.  Some observers are shocked at the speed with which the Smithsonian gave in to the Christians’ demands, especially after it was revealed that the evangelical groups had not made any threats of violence.

“Obviously, the Smithsonian jumped the gun,” said Lydia Blatt, spokesperson for the atheist group GodBGone.  “The Christian groups who supposedly oppose this art installation can’t be bothered to so much as threaten to punch a guard in the nose.  Really, how offended can they be?”

Others deny that the material is at all offensive.  “I regret that some reports about the exhibit have created an impression that the video is intentionally sacrilegious,” said Martin Sullivan, director of the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery, of the video which depicts a crucified Christ covered in ants.

We Had No Idea! Something Must Be Done--And Soon!--About That Offensive Sign.

We must agree with Sullivan when he says that “the artist’s intention was to depict the suffering of an AIDS victim.”  A reasonable person would really have to stretch to imagine that a depiction of the Holy of Holies bathed in carrion-eaters could somehow be offensive.  That the dread disease has become commonly associated with the Christian Savior covered with ants at the moment of His Passion should be common knowledge to just about everybody.

Lastly, Sullivan added, “Look, this is a simple issue of the First Amendment, and needs to be put into perspective.  I mean, it’s not like we threatened to burn a Koran or anything.”

In The Interest Of Fairness, We Have Reluctantly Included This Picture Of The Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him).

No One Loves Lucy

29 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

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Tags

acquittal, bitch had it coming, cartoon characters, Charles M. Schultz, Charlie Brown, comic strips, evil bitch, exculpatory evidence, Lucy steals the football, Lucy van Pelt, murder, peanuts, revenge, that trick never works

By Smaktakula

Presenting the exculpatory piece of evidence which led to the defendant’s successful acquittal on a second-degree murder charge in The People vs. Brown.

When The Jurors Saw This Image, Brown's "The Bitch Had It Coming Defense" No Longer Seemed Quite So Brazen.

Irish PM Admits Leprechaun Scheme ‘A Failure.’

26 Friday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News, Politics

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Tags

bailout, Brian Cowan, drunken Irishmen, Emerald Isle, EU, European Union, Fighting Irish, Gold, Guinness, IMF, Ireland, Ireland is broke, Irish financial crisis, Irish Republic, Jameson, leprechauns, Operation Lucky Charms, Shane MacGowan, Shane MacGowan is still alive!, They're magically delicious!, what's wrong with Shane's teeth?, ye stole me gold!

By Smaktakula

"Oim Broke? Say Daht Agin Ye Wee Fooker, Un Ye'll Be Feelin' Me Shillelagh Cross Yer Gob."

The recent news that the Irish Republic would be requesting a bailout from the EU came as a shock to many observers.  As recently as ten days ago the government of Brian Cowen had strongly denied the need to take bailout money.

Herein Is Contained The Lifeblood Of The Irish People.

Why the swift reversal?  Was the government lying?  Although it initially appeared that the government was being dishonest and merely stalling for time, Promethean Times has uncovered a memo which suggests that the government in fact had every confidence of being able to extricate itself from its precarious financial position without resorting to a bailout.  The memo details the government’s secret plan for restoring financial well-being to the Emerald Isle: Operation Lucky Charms.

Government Ministers Had A Hard Time Agreeing On A Plan.

According to unnamed sources high in the Irish government, the plan was simple: Leprechauns.  If enough of the wee tricksters could be caught and made to reveal the location of their gold, the Irish financial crisis could be solved internally.  “The PM was mad for the plan,” said the source.

To American Children This Represents Sugary Goodness. To The Irish, It's An Actual Plan.

‘Madness’ may have been the right word for it.  It was soon evident that Operation Lucky Charms was untenable, and on Sunday morning a penitent PM addressed European officials, hat in hand.  When reminded of both his pledge not to ask for bailout money and his asinine plan for raising the funds, the minister said:

“Ah, Jaysus, did Ah say ull daht?  Sairry, lads–Ah wis piss-drunk when Ah teld ye daht.  Me fookin ed urts lahk ta thu bawlin beebee Chroist.  Sure un aw, but we’ll still be needin daht munney.”

When The Beleaguered Government Needed A Sober Head, They Called Upon Poet Shane MacGowan.

For now the Irish people are still in shock.  In pubs, Jameson and Guinness are quaffed without enthusiasm, and fist fights have become desultory, routine affairs.  A sudden, terrible sobriety has gripped the island, one that no amount of the brown can quench; in Ireland the party’s over.  It may be some time before Irish eyes are smiling once more.

"Fookitall, Lads. Oive Hud Me Fill Uh This Shamrock-Choked Hell Hole. Fare Thee Well, Boys--It's Off Ta Amerikay!"

Advent Of America A Pivotal Moment In Turkey History

25 Thursday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Culture, History

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bald eagle, Benjamin Franklin, Chief Wahoo, Dallas Cowboys, eagles, football, hindsight is 20/20, Indians, national symbol, Native Americans, Thanksgiving, the first Thanksgiving, true meanings of holidays, turkeys, United States of America

By Smaktakula

Benjamin Franklin Played Many Roles: Inventor, Founding Father and World-Class Skonk. Understandably, He's Not So Much Remembered For The Turkey Thing.

If Founding Father Benjamin Franklin had his way, the role of turkeys in American society might be very different.  In writing a letter to his daughter, Franklin lamented that the eagle, rather than the turkey, was the new symbol of the young nation.

Comparing the turkey to the eagle, Franklin said:

“For the truth the Turkey is in comparison a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America.”

Hell No, Those Aren't Tumors! That's His Natural Beauty.

Had Franklin been more forceful, the turkey might today be the symbol of the United States.  Who knows?  In such a scenario, it’s likely that American’s would no longer find appetizing the thought of a turkey’s charred carcass, and instead might enjoy a traditional bald eagle egg omelette.

"The Very First Thanksgiving Was A Pivotal Moment For My People, One We Could Not Have Foreseen. Looking Back, Perhaps We Should Have Let The Newcomers Starve."

"YA THINK?"

Dudes–keep it down, the game’s on.  Let’s go, Cowboys!

Tonight, A Father And Son Are A Rittre Ress Ronery

24 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

'Lil 'Lil Kim, 'Lil Kim, 'Lil Kim is dying, bonding, Brilliant Comrade, comical despots, comically despotic dynasties, daddy issues, fat people, Glorious Blossoming, Great Leader, impoverished third-world hellhole, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-il is batshit crazy, Kim Jong-un, Kim Jong-un is most likely batshit crazy, Korean War, life in North Korea sure is shitty!, Meet the Un-Kim, North Korea, Pyongyang, So Ronery, South Korea, unprovoked attack, you can't tell us that 'Pyongyang' doesn't sound like a filthy word to you

By Smaktakula

In Another Time, Another Place--This Could Have Been The Kims. Perhaps Then They Wouldn't Be So . . . Ronery.

In the dismal, crumbling concrete tomb that is Pyongyang, there are small but increasingly hopeful signs of life.  In a touching moment of bonding, dying despot Kim Jong-il is reportedly spending quality time with his youngest son and chosen successor, Kim Jong-un.  ‘Lil Kim is said to be teaching ‘Lil ‘Lil Kim about the trials and tribulations of statecraft by launching an unprovoked attack on a South Korean island.

Father And Son: Only A Few Short Feet Separates Them, But They Are Divided By A Chasm As Huge And Unrelenting As Heartbreak.

Said a North Korean ambassador:

“The Great Leader knows that continuity is important to our great nation, and he has every confidence that when the day comes for the Brilliant Comrade Kim Jong-un to take his rightful place as our terrible master, the transition will go smoothly and gloriously.”

He then added:

“Do you have any food?  I would very much like some food.”

Launching a sneak attack against neighboring South Korea is thought to be an excellent bonding opportunity for North Korea’s two most powerful men, as Kims ‘Lil and ‘Lil ‘Lil are both fans of large-scale violence.  According to sources, the elder Kim wants to show his son that the international community will huff and puff, but that as long as the repressive third-world regime dangles the nuclear carrot, will stand by helplessly.

"Seriousry? You're Afraid? Now, Risten To Me You Stuttering Toad--If They Were REARRY Gonna Do Anything, They Woulda Done It Rong Time Ago."*

Sources close to Pyongyang, who agreed to speak to Promethean Times upon conditions of anonymity and after being provided with food, said that Kim is doing more than preparing his son for leadership.  “The Great Leader is hoping that by spending time with the boy, it will bolster his self-esteem.  When the younger Kim is feeling better about himself, we expect to see an end to his Glorious Blossoming,” he said, employing the official euphemism for ‘Lil ‘Lil Kim’s ‘Lil weight problem.

'Lil 'Lil Kim Awaits Reaction To His New PR Campaign: "Meet The Un-Kim."

*Please read here for more details on ‘Lil Kim’s unusual accent.

New TSA Procedures Hit Stoners Particularly Hard

22 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, News, Stupidity

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

America's shittier cities, bleary-eyed beatniks, burnouts, cannabis, crotch can also be a verb, demon weed, Department of Homeland Security, Don't touch my junk!, doobage, dope, Flight of the Conchords, ganja, grass, hemp, hempheads, John Tyner, marijuana, pot, quarter sack, reefer, Snoop Dogg, stoners, sweet sweet cheeba, Tommy Chong, Transportation Security Administration, TSA, viral, wasters, wastoids, What the fuck TSA? Flying is scary enough already!, Willie Nelson

By Smaktakula

Tommy Won't Be Flying Any Time Soon. Not In An Airplane, We Mean.

The TSA’s  invasive new search procedure has yet to detect any foreign terrorists, and has ignited the passions of an already-frustrated air traveling public following a videotaped encounter between TSA officials and John Tyner.  Tyner, whose junk was apparently so sensitive that he took great pains to prevent the TSA from coming in contact with it, posted the encounter on the internet where it went viral.  The TSA has been scrambling to downplay the incident and defuse tensions.  But amid the maelstrom of explanation and recrimination, one happy piece of news is going unheard.

As A Pilot, This Gentleman Is Exempt From The Pat Down. Fo Shizzle.

Your next flight will likely be free of cannabis users.  Data suggest that because of the TSA’s strict new policy, most stoners–America’s home-grown menace, are electing not to fly.  In some very rare instances, a few burnouts are attempting to fly without bringing weed to their destination.

Having previously stripped air-travelling potheads of such reliable hiding places as shoes, toiletries, and false-bottomed beverage containers, the TSA’s new requirements take it up a notch.  By paying such meticulous attention the air-traveling public’s groinage, the TSA has effectively removed the last* method stoners have for bringing weed with them to their sundry destinations.

He Will Strike Without Warning Or Pity.

“I don’t think there’s any question that the flying public is safer without marijuana users on airplanes,” said an unnamed TSA official, “Can you imagine what would happen if one of those potheads began to eat another passenger?  That doesn’t sound too groovy to me.”

But marijuana activists disagree.  “Lame,” says Jeremy, a 21 year-old student.  “It’s fascist,” adds fellow student, 22 year-old Gooch, “The people aren’t going to stand for it.  I’m writing a letter to my congressman.  Or I will.  Right now Flight of the Conchords is on, so . . . you know.”

Pro-Marijuana Activists Contend That Visiting America's Shittier Cities Without At Least A Little Cheeba Is Unnecessarily Cruel.

Those burnouts brave enough to travel without Mary Jane are most likely counting on a hookup in their destination city.  Invariably, despite the best policing and preventative measures, a few of these bleary-eyed beatniks will have friends or relatives to arrange a hookup upon their arrival, or possibly kick them down a few nugs.  But the vast majority will reach their destination and be unable to find cheeba in an unfamilliar city.  They will have a really shitty time.

Perhaps then drug abusers will finally get the message. Marijuana ruins lives.

"When A Man Can't Just Crotch A Quarter Sack And Catch His Flight . . . Well, This Ain't The America I Know."

* There is another way, but it’s strictly for the hardcore.
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