07 Monday Jun 2010
Posted in Culture, Europe, History, International Relations, Justice, Military, Mythology, Politics, Relationships
Tags
6 June 1944, Allies, Axis, Battle of Normandy, Canada, D Day, evil shenanigans, France, Frogs, Germany, Gold, Great Moments In American Diplomacy, Jerry, Juno, Krauts, Normandy Invasion, Normandy Landing, Omaha, Operation Neptune, Operation Overlord, Sword, The Hun, United Kingdom, United States of America, Utah
June 6, 1944: On Which The Hun Is Made To Understand That His Evil Shenanigans Will No Longer Be Tolerated.
31 Monday May 2010
Posted in Asia, Culture, Duh, International Relations, Military, People, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs
Tags
appeasement, batshit crazy, Cheonan, China, comical despots, Japan, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-il is batshit crazy, News of the Duh, North Korea, So Ronery, South Korea, Team America: World Police, torpedo attack
The Leaders of Japan, South Korea and China held a summit recently to discuss North Korea’s unprovoked torpedo attack on the South Korean vessel, the Cheonan.
Apparently, one objective of the summit was to determine whether North Korea’s action, which resulted in the Cheonan’s sinking and the loss of 46 sailors, was a threat to peace.
They determined that it was.
So Ronery? Ronery Rike A Fox!
See These Three Wise Men Try To Find Their Posteriors With Both Hands And A Flashlight: BBC News – Asian trio say Cheonan sinking is threat to peace.
07 Friday May 2010
Tags
Barack Obama, Contessa Brewer, Eric Holder, Faisal Shahzad, Gitmo, Guantanamo Bay, home-grown terrorism, Islam, Michael Bloomberg, MSNBC, muslims, nanny state, Obama Administration, Obamacare, Political Correctness, Rachel Maddow, radical Islam, Tea Party, teabaggers, Terrorism
In the hours following the accidentally foiled Times Square bombing, Washington and the media let the world know just what sort of deranged maniac they were looking for: a disgruntled white guy. Remember: Timothy McVeigh was white. So was Ted Kaczynski. And don’t forget to add Eric Rudolph’s two kills into the shameful annals of American terrorism.
Since then, pretty much every major act of violent terrorism has been committed predominately (by which we mean exclusively) by adherents of Islam*. The current expectations among fans of Professional International Terrorism (PIT) is that whitey is due for a significant atrocity.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg apparently believes that as with his legislation regarding which foods New Yorkers can put in their bodies, his own God-given wisdom trumps facts. Shortly after the incident, the mayor responsibly opined that while he didn’t really have a clue as to what happened, he was confident enough to prognosticate that the would-be mass murderer would turn out to be an American citizen bitter about Obamacare.
Bloomberg’s mistake is a reasonable one considering that the administration and most of the media have been warning that Tea Party radicals were going to try something crazy. The media has provided substantial proof for these claims, if one accepts incestuously recycled comments from other “journalists” as proof.
The world was shocked to learn that the alleged bad guy, Faisal Shahzad was not white, nor was he Christian. He was not a Republican, and apparently did not play college-level lacrosse.
After Shahzad’s lack of Christian whiteness was discovered, MSNBC spokesperson Contessa Brewer expressed dismay that the failed bomber was Islamic, claiming that certain groups would use that fact to their own racist ends. Presumably this entails spreading the false rumor that people of Islamic faith make poor terrorists. This is especially galling since Islamic terrorists are considered the cream of the crop when it comes to murderous thugs.
Brewer later backpedalled on her Facebook site, saying she simply didn’t want the terrorist to be of a specific race. It’s just that there was a specific race and/or religious preference that she didn’t want it to be.
In virtually the same breath, Brewer attempts to justify her statements by pointing to Bloomberg’s latest statements, admonishing Americans not to take out their anger on Pakistani Muslims. The fact that no major acts of violence against American muslims have occurred since 9/11 is a testament to the efficacy of this sort of pedantic, self-righteous nagging.
Still, until the Obama adminstration and the friendly press can return to the narrative of the white Christian as Public Enemy Number 1, there are going to be some downcast faces:
Thought That White Christian Prisoners Would Help Diversify Gitmo
Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?
This Guy Is Totally Bummed
Hopefully the next terrorist will look like this:
Why Is She So Full Of Hate?
Otherwise it’ll really screw up the narrative.
14 Wednesday Apr 2010
Tags
buccaneers, corsairs, Emil Haagerdäddi, freebooters, Horn of Africa, maritime trade, natural selection, piracy, pirate community, pirates, scurvologists, slackjawed halfwits, Somali pirates, Somalia, Stupid Gene
The waters surrounding the Horn of Africa have long served as the historic hunting grounds of Somali pirates. In the face of such diverse threats as globalization and climate change, the proud Somali buccaneers fight diligently to maintain their way of life. Now, they may be aiding scientists to better understand how natural selection works in a real-life environment.
Recently, observers of the Somali pirate ecosystem have discovered a disturbing trend. While most Somali pirates choose as their victims vulnerable vessels which command high ransoms, an increasing number of Somali pirates are attacking navy vessels in seemingly futile actions which almost always result in the pirates’ death or capture. On the surface this sort of behavior would appear to be so moronic and assbackward as to threaten the Somali pirate community’s very existence. In actuality, it is this phenomenon which keeps the community vibrant and healthy.
No Country For Old Men: Aging Pirates Like Simon (Above) Can't Afford To Retire
These are rough times for African corsairs. An increasing number of young men are choosing the time-honored profession, but older pirates are clinging to their jobs, unwilling to trust in the Elderly Somali Pirate Fund, available to those venerable cutthroats who live long enough to reach retirement age at twenty-eight. At the same time, maritime traffic around the Horn of Africa–a primary source of a Somali pirate’s livelihood–is becoming more scarce. Compounding the pirates’ woes, those ships which do travel African waters are increasingly well-armed.
Enter the miracle of Natural Selection. When there are too many pirates in relation to available plunder, nature ensures that the fittest and wiliest pirates live to produce numerous offspring, while pirates with less-favorable attributes are often killed before they can sire more than six or seven young.
His Favorable Genetic Characteristics Ensure A Life Of Swag, Booty and Wenches Wenches Wenches!
For years, scientists have theorized about a possible ‘Stupid Gene’ in humans. Now, with a seemingly greater number of Somali pirates acting like idiots, scurvologists (maritime piracy scientists) believe they have their proof. ‘Stupid Gene’ theory postulates that during times of abundance and lack of adversity, the so-called ‘Stupid Gene’ (DDD) rarely manifests.
Stupid Gene proponents claim that the situation in Coastal East Africa demonstrates the soundness of the theory. Says Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi, a senior fellow at The East Africa Maritime Council, an Omaha, Nebraska-based think tank.
You’ll notice that during the times of abundance–when there are a lot of poorly-defended ships in East African waters, we see fewer pirate casualties.
The really interesting thing is when there are fewer ships off the Horn, and a greater presence of well-armed naval vessels on the lookout for pirates, we’re seeing a lot more dead pirates. We believe that pirates who exhibit DDD {the ‘Stupid Gene’} are the ones attacking the naval vessels and getting slaughtered for it.
But in this way, healthier and stronger pirates reap the rewards of plunder, and pass on their superior genes to generations of freebooters yet unborn, thus making the community as a whole stronger. It’s quite beautiful, really.
The 'Stupid Gene': Kind Of A Bummer, But Necessary For The Greater Good
Presumably it’s not as beautiful for those pirates afflicted with DDD, scores of whom perish each month at the hands of navy personnel or well-armed merchant seamen. Dr. Haagerdäddi counters, “No one cares what stupid people think.”
But scientists do care how stupid people act. If further scientific research does uncover proof of a ‘Stupid Gene,’ it will go a long way toward answering questions which have for centuries bedeviled philosophers, social scientists and other observers of slackjawed halfwits.
25 Thursday Mar 2010
Posted in Asia, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, International Relations, People, World Affairs
Tags
BBC documentary, child labor, cocaine, drugs, Flower of American Skankhood, former child stars, human trafficking, India, India bans Lohan, Lindsay Lohan, LoBan, skankery, skankism, skankist, skanks, untouchable
India is considering imposing a ban on drug-addled former child star Lindsay Lohan. The friction is alleged to arise from Lohan’s participation in a BBC documentary on child labor and human trafficking in India. Indian officials contend that Lohan travelled to India on an improper visa, and additionally irritated aid workers by falsely implying that through her efforts alone “40 children had been saved.” India would like you to believe that its row with Lohan erupted for these reasons alone. If this sounds fishy to you–it should. The problem is far more disturbing than simply India’s failure to understand that when it starts heaping rules and regulations on a free spirit like Lohan, it crushes that very special and delicate thing within the actress which makes her better than ordinary folks.
Lindsay's India Fun Facts #32: "Untouchables" More Than Just A Kick-Ass Movie
Rather, it is increasingly clear that a darker and uglier motivation lies behind India’s proposed LoBan. Although India officially renounced its caste system generations ago, the nation has yet to address its age-old bias against skanks both high-born and low. Indian history is replete with skankism, and it remains one of the biggest taboos in the culture. Lohan defenders suggest that this anti-skank sentiment is the true impetus behind the LoBan, and that Lohan is not being punished for her behavior, but simply for what she is. This is unacceptable if true.
Taking first Lohan’s supposed documentary untruths–Is it really all that terrible to take credit for the heroic efforts of others? If these “aid” workers are as interested in saving children as they pretend to be, it shouldn’t matter who gets credit. And really, is there anyone who believes that BBC viewers would be interested in these backwater heroics if not for the In-Your-Face star power that Lohan brings everywhere she goes? The haters might try showing more empathy–Who hasn’t said some goofy shit while rolling hard on a triple-cocktail of Bombay Sapphire, jet lag and an eightball of Bolivian primo?
The second allegation, that Lohan worked in India while on a tourist visa, carries even less weight. Hello–it’s Lindsay Lohan, an American megastar. If anything, Indian authorities would be wise to regard Lohan as a crime-fighting asset, as repeated studies have shown that the quantity of available narcotics in a given neighborhood drops precipitously within a few hours of the star’s arrival.
This Photo Appears To Show An Indian Sniper Drawing A Bead On Lindsay
As much as India’s politicians would have us believe otherwise, the LoBan is due neither to Lohan’s self-aggrandizing prevarication or misstating her purpose for being in the country. The real culprit in this sad affair is prejudice–prejudice against skanks. It should be noted that this bias was until very recently largely shared by the West. Of course, there are still scattered incidents of people in North America and Western Europe engaging in skankist behavior or anti-skank hate speech. Fortunately, in the West these old hatreds are fading as a generation raised on such fare as Girls Gone Wild and Hot or Not comes of age. India, perhaps alone among emerging nations, continues to stigmatize skankhood.
We applaud the BBC’s selection of Lohan for their documentary, and for its tireless efforts of the network to include a wide assortment of skanks (or slags, as they are called locally) throughout its programming. This is a relatively new step for the BBC, while in America, skank rights have generally been acknowledged for the better part of two decades. The pivotal ‘Day Without A Skank’ in 1988 is credited as a watershed moment in the skank movement, leading directly to the adoption of the then-controversial ‘Skanks Bill of Rights.
Lohan Says Meditation Helps Her Navigate Through The Rocky Shoals Of Stardom
This is not the first storm Lohan has been forced to weather in recent months, nor will it likely be the last; the haters lurk as always just out of sight. But never was it said that the Flower of American Skankhood wilted easily. No doubt this sordid event will soon be in the past, and Lohan once again in her element: photographed in the back seat of a 2006 Chevy Malibu as she performs sex acts on a Lifetime Network junior executive. Promethean Times joins the rest of America in praying for that day to come soon.
19 Friday Mar 2010
Posted in International Relations, Middle East, Military, Terrorism, World Affairs
Tags
Afghanistan, al Qaeda, corrupt Afghan despot, Hamid Karzai, Hussein al-Yemeni, North Waziristan, Pakistan, secret meetings
On March 8th, in Pakistan’s North Waziristan province, an American drone eliminated al Qaeda bad guy, Hussein al-Yemeni .
Just so that there’s no hard feelings, I hope somebody checked first to make sure this douchebag wasn’t holding secret meetings with al-Yemeni before the US smoked him:
Whose Blood And Treasure Will Be Required For Afghanistan?
Hopefully Our Staunch Ally Karzai Won’t Be Upset When He Reads Drone Attack Is Said to Kill a Senior Qaeda Leader – NYTimes.com.
17 Wednesday Mar 2010
Posted in International Relations, Justice, Middle East, Military, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs
Tags
Afghanistan, corrupt Afghan despot, corruption, Hamid Karzai, ingratitude, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, Pakistan, Pakistani forces, secret meetings, Taliban, treachery, United States of America, US Intelligence
The election-rigging, opponent-intimidating, undemocratic yet American-backed president of Afghanistan is all wound up by the capture of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar by Pakistani forces aided by US intelligence. It was revealed that Karzai was engaging in secret talks with the high-ranking Taliban official. After this incident, Karzai is afraid that the Taliban will forever regard him as a big jerk.
Karzai: Hurt Feelings Resulted From The Capture Of The Enemy With Whom He Was Secretly Meeting
You knew Karzai was corrupt, but did you know he was a treacherous ingrate? Well, read this anyway: Aide: Karzai ‘Very Angry’ at Taliban Boss’ Arrest – Afghanistan | Map | War – FOXNews.com.
15 Monday Mar 2010
Tags
anti-Israel policy, Benjamin Netanyahu, Biden being Biden, Biden gaffes, Binyamin Netanyahu, David Axelrod, Guardian UK, insult to US, Israel, Joe Biden, Obama Administration, Palestine, Palestinians, pro-Palestinian bias, settlements, United States of America, US-Israeli Relations, Vice President Biden, Zionism
American Mideast policy has returned to normal. That is to say, the new normal.
One of President Obama’s most senior aides has described Israel‘s sudden announcement of plans to build 1,600 homes in occupied East Jerusalem as an “affront” to the US which could undermine peace efforts in the Middle East.
“This was an affront, it was an insult but most importantly it undermined this very fragile effort to bring peace to that region,” he said on NBC’s Meet the Press. “For this announcement to come at that time was very destructive.”
On March 10th, Promethean Times questioned the political validity of the warm comments Vice President Joe Biden made on a trip to Israel. Sadly, what seemed like a statement of solidarity with America’s only consistently reliable Mideast ally was just Biden being Biden. The Obama Administration will continue to regard Israel as an aggressor against the beleaguered and long-suffering Palestinians.
Promethean Times 