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Category Archives: Relationships

As If Being A Big Fatso Wasn’t Bad Enough . . .

16 Wednesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Health, National Events, People, Relationships

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

big fatso, big girl, but she's got a great personality, childhood obesity, chubby chaser, crotch lobsters, fat people, gelatinous people, husky, impotence, irony, lard ass, obesity, person of size, plumper, poor self-esteem, poor sexual health, sex, sexual dysfunction, sexual powerhouse, unwanted pregnancy, venereal disease, waddling grotesquery

Apparently, studies have shown that obese people have poor sexual health, despite getting less sex than their non-gelatinous counterparts.      

Hopefully the news that being a waddling grotesquery is not all sunshine and games will counter the media’s persistent efforts to make obesity seem chic, particularly among young women.      

Not The Sexual Powerhouse He Appears To Be

Plus, You Can’t See Your Penis: Obesity Can Take Toll on Sex Life.      

Smaktakula

NAACP Achieves Goal Of Attaching Racist Connotations To Every Expression Containing The Word ‘Black’

11 Friday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Art, Culture, Duh, General Foolishness, National Events, National Politics, People, Political Correctness, Politics, Race, Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Americans of Singularity Descent, black holes, Black Holians, Black Leadership Scowl, celestial phenomena, civil rights, civil rights leaders, comets, crying wolf, event horizon, Hallmark Cards, It's A Celestial Thang, NAABH, NAACP, ominous, professional race baiters, Protesting Is Fun!, racism, Singlularity-Americans, singularities, Singularity Pride, supermassive is beautiful!, supermassive like me, zephyrs

The Los Angeles Chapter of the NAACP broke out their Black Leadership Scowls recently to protest a Hallmark Card which they call racist.      

The space-themed graduation card plays an audio track which, among other things, refers to black holes as “ominous.”    

Presumably, the NAACP regards the card as offensive to descendents of the supermassive space feature, who might rightly take umbrage at being labelled “ominous.”      

It should also be noted that comets and zephyrs, typically considered “white” celestial phenomena, are not mentioned at all in the card’s message.      

Longs For The Day When He Will Be Judged Solely By The Gravitational Pull Of His Event Horizon

Okay, Now You’re Just Being Silly: NAACP calls Hallmark graduation card racist | abc7.com.      

Smaktakula

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Iran Sanctions IV: This Time It’s For Reals

11 Friday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in General Foolishness, International Relations, Middle East, Military, Politics, Regional Politics, Relationships, Terrorism, World Affairs

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

all bark and no bite, comical despots, Hillary Clinton, Iran, Kim Jong-il, North Korea, nuclear ambitions, paper tiger, sanctions, Secretary of State, that trick never works, United Nations, United States of America

The United Nations has signalled that it is once again ready to talk tough with Iran.  US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton promised that the UN’s forthcoming sanctions against Iran’s nuclear program will be the most stringent yet.

It remains for posterity to judge the efficacy of not only these sanctions, but also the inevitable series of future sanctions.

Or, you could ask this gentleman:

Ooooh, The UN Gonna Put Sanctions On Me. I'm Rearry Scared!*

Stop Or I’ll Say Stop Again!: The Associated Press: Clinton says Iran sanctions will be toughest ever.

Smaktakula
*More sensitive readers may feel that we have depicted terrifying muppet Kim Jong-il as speaking like an Asian stereotype.  Nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, Kim speaks with what is commonly called the Comical Despot Standard Accent.  Speakers with the CDSA experience significant difficulty  when pronouncing ‘L’ sounds.
For any readers who were offended, we suggest you examine your own motives.  It’s very likely you’re a racist.

Saudi Clerics Advocate Adult Breast-Feeding

10 Thursday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Food, Health, Islam, Middle East, People, Relationships, Religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

adult breast-feeding, batshit crazy, dirty pillows, lactating, Milk Mullahs, mommy issues, Oedipus Rex, Saudi clerics, wacky mullahs, WTF?

Seriously, there isn’t a thing we could do or say that would make this any more batshit crazy.

Make Sure You’re Facing East When You Do It: Saudi Clerics Advocate Adult Breast-Feeding – AOL News.

Smaktakula 

When Great-Grandma Is An Anti-Semite

08 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Middle East, National Events, National Politics, People, Political Correctness, Politics, Relationships, Scandal, World Affairs

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

ageism, anti-semitism, Arbeit Macht Frei, comical despots, First Amendment, free speech, Helen Thomas, hypocrisy, Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, nuclear ambitions, press corps, scapegoating, senile old bag, Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!

Helen Thomas apologized for exercising her First Amendment rights, but she’s still out of a job.    

WIR MUSSEN DIE JUDEN AUSROTTEN!

Why is an idea deemed heinous when voiced by a single, senile old bag, but excused away when expressed by the leader of a country with nuclear ambitions?  

I'm Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, And I Approved This Message

It’s Not Free Speech, It’s Arbeit Macht Frei Speech: FOXNews.com – Helen Thomas Apologizes for Saying Jews Should ‘Get the Hell Out of Palestine’.    

Smaktakula

Great Moments In American Diplomacy: D Day

07 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Europe, History, International Relations, Justice, Military, Mythology, Politics, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

6 June 1944, Allies, Axis, Battle of Normandy, Canada, D Day, evil shenanigans, France, Frogs, Germany, Gold, Great Moments In American Diplomacy, Jerry, Juno, Krauts, Normandy Invasion, Normandy Landing, Omaha, Operation Neptune, Operation Overlord, Sword, The Hun, United Kingdom, United States of America, Utah

June 6, 1944: On Which The Hun Is Made To Understand That His Evil Shenanigans Will No Longer Be Tolerated.

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Gary Coleman’s Widow Took Some Time To Get Her Shit Together Before Giving Aid To Dying Husband

03 Thursday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Health, Hollywood, National Events, People, Relationships, Television

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Black Widow, Cathy Smith, Celebrity Death Watch, celebrity deaths, Diff'rent Strokes, Diff'rent Strokes Curse, emergency aid, Emmanuel Lewis, famous short people, famous virgins, Gary Coleman, Gary Coleman's widow, John Belushi, Shannon Price, small black actor, speedball, unconsummated marriages, Yoko Ono

Not since Cathy Smith served John Belushi his last speedball has a woman been responsible for singlehandedly robbing the world of so much talent.

Black Widow & Black Midget During Happier Times

Shannon Price, who claims to be Gary Coleman’s wife (Coleman’s lawyer claims the couple was divorced at the time of the actor’s death), delayed seeking aid for a wounded Coleman, who later died.

From the 911 call:

“He just got home, I heard this big bang, I went downstairs. Blood everywhere,” she says. “I don’t know if he’s OK. I’m not down there right now because I have seizures, if I get stressed out I’m going to seize.”

Nice going, Yoko.

Hear The Future Mrs. Emmanuel Lewis’ Side Of The Story: Gary Coleman’s wife resisted giving him emergency aid – CNN.com.

Smaktakula

From Hillbuzz: Tipper To Divorce ManBearPig

01 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Critters, Culture, Duh, General Foolishness, Mythology, National Events, National Politics, People, Politics, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Al Gore, Al Gore sleeps alone, An Inconvenient Truth, bedroom cooling, climate change, divorce, Environmental Chicken Littleism, environmentalism, fat people, gasbag, global warming, good move Tipper!, has-been, Hillbuzz, I'm super-serial!, laughingstock, ManBearPig, mid-life crisis, Ragnarok, scaremongering, search for meaning, search for relevance, separation, South Park, sweat act, Tipper Gore, Tipper leaving Al, Vice President Gore

Another unintended consequence of Ragnarök.

Watch Out For Bedroom Cooling. I'm Super-Serial!

SHOCKER: Tipper to divorce ManBearPig � HillBuzz.

The Improved Order Of Red Men

01 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, General Foolishness, History, Mythology, National Events, Political Correctness, Race, Relationships, Social Networking

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Baltimore, Chief Joseph, fraternal organization, Improved Order of Red Men, Indians, Maryland, Native Americans, Nez Perce, Political Correctness, racism, Red Man 1.0, unimproved red men

By Smaktakula

The Improved Order of Red Men is a fraternal organization founded in 1834 in Baltimore, Maryland.   

   

What quality is it that separates the improved red men from their pre-improvement brethren?  Mostly whiteness, as it turns out.   

Red Man 1.0 (Worth More In Original Packaging)

    

New & Improved


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News Of The Duh: Hostile North Korea May Present Threat To Peace

31 Monday May 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Asia, Culture, Duh, International Relations, Military, People, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

appeasement, batshit crazy, Cheonan, China, comical despots, Japan, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-il is batshit crazy, News of the Duh, North Korea, So Ronery, South Korea, Team America: World Police, torpedo attack

The Leaders of Japan, South Korea and China held a summit recently to discuss North Korea’s unprovoked torpedo attack on the South Korean vessel, the Cheonan.

Apparently, one objective of the summit was to determine whether North Korea’s action, which resulted in the Cheonan’s sinking and the loss of 46 sailors, was a threat to peace.

They determined that it was.

So Ronery? Ronery Rike A Fox!

See These Three Wise Men Try To Find Their Posteriors With Both Hands And A Flashlight: BBC News – Asian trio say Cheonan sinking is threat to peace.

Smaktakula
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