By Smaktakula

If Venality, Stupidity And Incompetence Could Somehow Be Harnessed As Energy, Well, It Might Be Worth Having These Assholes Around.

Although Promethean Times tends to regard all office-seekers as suppurating anal abscesses until they can demonstrably prove otherwise, we are constantly amazed that so few people feel the same. Now, nearly EVERYBODY claims they hold politicians in contempt–complaining about the government is fun and easy after all. But if you begin to name specific politicians, these same people will almost always hold in exception those one or two politicians whom they believe are, unlike all the others, really trying to serve America’s needs. “Oh…well, not Senator Schmidlapp. He really tries to do good things for people.” No, he tries to steer federal funding to his state so that (if he’s ‘clean’) he can secure reelection, or (in the likely event he’s dirty) make some of his cronies rich.

If there’s any better indication that your pet pol is a douchebag, it’s that he (and we don’t mean to exclude lady politicians–those plucky gals have achieved a level of suckdom every bit as pronounced as that of their male counterparts) lies to you constantly. In fact, that’s why you vote for him.

Believes That The Obama Administration Is Trying To Put One Over On The American People. Won’t Show You His Taxes.

Take Obamacare, for example, having inflamed the public once again in light of the Supreme Court’s decision upholding the plan. Two very distinct narratives have emerged from Washington. To know which of these very different scenarios your politician blindly adheres, you need only to look at the letter after his name.

If there’s an R after his name, then it’s a sure-fire guarantee he favors the tableau of a morally bankrupt America which has been decimated by socialized medicine, more akin to the grey homogeneity of the Soviet Bloc than to the America remembered by the true patriots.  Obamacare is the end of life as we know it.

Drug Dealer In High School. Doesn’t Want Sick People To Have Access To Marijuana.

Not so, say the Democrats. If your boy has a D after his name, he believes that Obamacare is the only salvation for a bloated, moribund nation fattening itself on its own entrails. Not only will this miracle panacea halt America’s precipitous decline, but it will rapidly replenish the nation’s coffers, cut down skyrocketing medical costs, and transform America into the Care-Bear land of cuddly goodness it was always meant to be.

So are the Republicans right? The Democrats? Maybe something in between?

“I May Be A Brainless Talking Points Machine, But I’m Smarter Than The Guy Standing Next To Me.”

Here’s what we know, folks: We don’t know. There may be plenty of good reasons to support or oppose this legislation, and it is not unrealistic to believe economic models can predict Obamacare’s effects with some degree of accuracy. But that’s it–it’s a guess, either way. An educated guess? Sure–but a guess nonetheless.

Now, that’s not true–Smaktakula–I’ve seen statistics that show… ~ Yeah, but did you understand them? No you didn’t. You’re trusting an economist who did the number crunching for you. Hey, he might be right–but you don’t know for sure.

Socialized medicine has been tried in other countries and… ~ And this is different. It’s a different plan in a different country. It could work just fine here, or it could be a bust. It’s okay to have an opinion, but remember–you don’t know.

Because of Obamacare, children born today can expect… ~ Okay, now you REALLY don’t know.

He Never Wasted Any Time With Self-Doubt Either.

So you don’t know for sure. Why then, do you believe your politician does? Do you suppose he’s smarter than you are? Have you heard these people talk at any length without a teleprompter? They’re ALL Joe Biden.

So while he may have formed an educated opinion (or just as likely not) as to whether Obamacare will deliver the nation to a magical pixie-land of unending happiness or consign us to the dustbin of history, he really can’t be any more certain of it than you.

Why then, do our politicians on both sides of the aisle and their pet journalists discuss this significant issue with a certainty that would make the most brainwashed cultist look like a half-asser? It’s because they’re turds–turds who have no respect for your intelligence. So please, have a little for yourself and don’t vote stupid.

We Just Know You’re Gonna Vote Stupid.