07 Monday Jun 2010
Posted in Culture, Europe, History, International Relations, Justice, Military, Mythology, Politics, Relationships
Tags
6 June 1944, Allies, Axis, Battle of Normandy, Canada, D Day, evil shenanigans, France, Frogs, Germany, Gold, Great Moments In American Diplomacy, Jerry, Juno, Krauts, Normandy Invasion, Normandy Landing, Omaha, Operation Neptune, Operation Overlord, Sword, The Hun, United Kingdom, United States of America, Utah
June 6, 1944: On Which The Hun Is Made To Understand That His Evil Shenanigans Will No Longer Be Tolerated.
02 Wednesday Jun 2010
Posted in Art, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, People, Television
Tags
celebrity chef, criminals, culinary crimelord, Diners Drive-Ins and Dives, Food Network, Guy Fieri, Juan-Carlos Cruz, murder-for-hire, skeevy, unleashed, unpunished, unrepentant, white trash
For the second time in the past few months, a celebrity chef has been charged with a crime. And again, it wasn’t Guy Fieri.
The severity of these crimes appears to be on the rise. Juan-Carlos Cruz has been accused of soliciting murder-for-hire.
If He Had It To Do Again, Juan-Carlos Would Most Likely NOT Enlist Random Homeless People In A Murder-For-Hire Plot.
It would be hard to find someone critical of putting a murderer–or in Cruz’ case, an alleged murderer–behind bars. The community is undeniably a safer place with Cruz off the streets.
Critics charge that offenders such as Cruz are low-hanging fruit. Perhaps the authorities would be wise to invest their energies in bringing down America’s culinary crimelord:
Fieri: Unpunished, Unrepentant, Unleashed
07 Friday May 2010
Tags
Barack Obama, Contessa Brewer, Eric Holder, Faisal Shahzad, Gitmo, Guantanamo Bay, home-grown terrorism, Islam, Michael Bloomberg, MSNBC, muslims, nanny state, Obama Administration, Obamacare, Political Correctness, Rachel Maddow, radical Islam, Tea Party, teabaggers, Terrorism
In the hours following the accidentally foiled Times Square bombing, Washington and the media let the world know just what sort of deranged maniac they were looking for: a disgruntled white guy. Remember: Timothy McVeigh was white. So was Ted Kaczynski. And don’t forget to add Eric Rudolph’s two kills into the shameful annals of American terrorism.
Since then, pretty much every major act of violent terrorism has been committed predominately (by which we mean exclusively) by adherents of Islam*. The current expectations among fans of Professional International Terrorism (PIT) is that whitey is due for a significant atrocity.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg apparently believes that as with his legislation regarding which foods New Yorkers can put in their bodies, his own God-given wisdom trumps facts. Shortly after the incident, the mayor responsibly opined that while he didn’t really have a clue as to what happened, he was confident enough to prognosticate that the would-be mass murderer would turn out to be an American citizen bitter about Obamacare.
Bloomberg’s mistake is a reasonable one considering that the administration and most of the media have been warning that Tea Party radicals were going to try something crazy. The media has provided substantial proof for these claims, if one accepts incestuously recycled comments from other “journalists” as proof.
The world was shocked to learn that the alleged bad guy, Faisal Shahzad was not white, nor was he Christian. He was not a Republican, and apparently did not play college-level lacrosse.
After Shahzad’s lack of Christian whiteness was discovered, MSNBC spokesperson Contessa Brewer expressed dismay that the failed bomber was Islamic, claiming that certain groups would use that fact to their own racist ends. Presumably this entails spreading the false rumor that people of Islamic faith make poor terrorists. This is especially galling since Islamic terrorists are considered the cream of the crop when it comes to murderous thugs.
Brewer later backpedalled on her Facebook site, saying she simply didn’t want the terrorist to be of a specific race. It’s just that there was a specific race and/or religious preference that she didn’t want it to be.
In virtually the same breath, Brewer attempts to justify her statements by pointing to Bloomberg’s latest statements, admonishing Americans not to take out their anger on Pakistani Muslims. The fact that no major acts of violence against American muslims have occurred since 9/11 is a testament to the efficacy of this sort of pedantic, self-righteous nagging.
Still, until the Obama adminstration and the friendly press can return to the narrative of the white Christian as Public Enemy Number 1, there are going to be some downcast faces:
Thought That White Christian Prisoners Would Help Diversify Gitmo
Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?
This Guy Is Totally Bummed
Hopefully the next terrorist will look like this:
Why Is She So Full Of Hate?
Otherwise it’ll really screw up the narrative.
14 Wednesday Apr 2010
Tags
buccaneers, corsairs, Emil Haagerdäddi, freebooters, Horn of Africa, maritime trade, natural selection, piracy, pirate community, pirates, scurvologists, slackjawed halfwits, Somali pirates, Somalia, Stupid Gene
The waters surrounding the Horn of Africa have long served as the historic hunting grounds of Somali pirates. In the face of such diverse threats as globalization and climate change, the proud Somali buccaneers fight diligently to maintain their way of life. Now, they may be aiding scientists to better understand how natural selection works in a real-life environment.
Recently, observers of the Somali pirate ecosystem have discovered a disturbing trend. While most Somali pirates choose as their victims vulnerable vessels which command high ransoms, an increasing number of Somali pirates are attacking navy vessels in seemingly futile actions which almost always result in the pirates’ death or capture. On the surface this sort of behavior would appear to be so moronic and assbackward as to threaten the Somali pirate community’s very existence. In actuality, it is this phenomenon which keeps the community vibrant and healthy.
No Country For Old Men: Aging Pirates Like Simon (Above) Can't Afford To Retire
These are rough times for African corsairs. An increasing number of young men are choosing the time-honored profession, but older pirates are clinging to their jobs, unwilling to trust in the Elderly Somali Pirate Fund, available to those venerable cutthroats who live long enough to reach retirement age at twenty-eight. At the same time, maritime traffic around the Horn of Africa–a primary source of a Somali pirate’s livelihood–is becoming more scarce. Compounding the pirates’ woes, those ships which do travel African waters are increasingly well-armed.
Enter the miracle of Natural Selection. When there are too many pirates in relation to available plunder, nature ensures that the fittest and wiliest pirates live to produce numerous offspring, while pirates with less-favorable attributes are often killed before they can sire more than six or seven young.
His Favorable Genetic Characteristics Ensure A Life Of Swag, Booty and Wenches Wenches Wenches!
For years, scientists have theorized about a possible ‘Stupid Gene’ in humans. Now, with a seemingly greater number of Somali pirates acting like idiots, scurvologists (maritime piracy scientists) believe they have their proof. ‘Stupid Gene’ theory postulates that during times of abundance and lack of adversity, the so-called ‘Stupid Gene’ (DDD) rarely manifests.
Stupid Gene proponents claim that the situation in Coastal East Africa demonstrates the soundness of the theory. Says Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi, a senior fellow at The East Africa Maritime Council, an Omaha, Nebraska-based think tank.
You’ll notice that during the times of abundance–when there are a lot of poorly-defended ships in East African waters, we see fewer pirate casualties.
The really interesting thing is when there are fewer ships off the Horn, and a greater presence of well-armed naval vessels on the lookout for pirates, we’re seeing a lot more dead pirates. We believe that pirates who exhibit DDD {the ‘Stupid Gene’} are the ones attacking the naval vessels and getting slaughtered for it.
But in this way, healthier and stronger pirates reap the rewards of plunder, and pass on their superior genes to generations of freebooters yet unborn, thus making the community as a whole stronger. It’s quite beautiful, really.
The 'Stupid Gene': Kind Of A Bummer, But Necessary For The Greater Good
Presumably it’s not as beautiful for those pirates afflicted with DDD, scores of whom perish each month at the hands of navy personnel or well-armed merchant seamen. Dr. Haagerdäddi counters, “No one cares what stupid people think.”
But scientists do care how stupid people act. If further scientific research does uncover proof of a ‘Stupid Gene,’ it will go a long way toward answering questions which have for centuries bedeviled philosophers, social scientists and other observers of slackjawed halfwits.
18 Thursday Mar 2010
Tags
ACLU, chutzpah, don't drop the soap, female prison guards, Fox news, magnificent bastard, Michael Murphy, Montana State Prison, prison sex, sex in prison, sex with inmates, sex with prisoners, sexual misconduct, shower assault, you got a real purty mouth
You came for the headline, stay for the article.
This piece from Fox News is somewhat counterintuitive in that it alleges that female guards commit more sex acts with male inmates than do male guards with female inmates.
I know, right?
Perhaps even more compelling is the story of Michael Murphy, the Montana inmate who had sex with at least five prison employees, including his therapist. Murphy told the ACLU that he had been sexually assaulted by the five women, demonstrating a phenomenal level of chutzpah in addition to his undeniable sexual magnetism.
Promethean Times salutes Michael Murphy. God speed, you magnificent bastard!
Michael Murphy (Artist's Conception)
Apparently Prison Sex Isn’t All About Getting Raped In The Shower: Female Prison Guards Often Behind Sex Misconduct – Local News Articles | National News | US News – FOXNews.com
18 Thursday Mar 2010
Posted in Corporate Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, Justice
Tags
brain cancer, corporate douchebaggery, corporate policy, cruel, dope, douchebaggery, ganja, heartless, inoperable cancer, Joseph Casias, marijuana, medical marijuana, pot, reefer, sinus cancer, sweet sweet cheeba, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart is evil, Wal-Mart sucks, weed
Wal-Mart, never known for its benevolent business tactics or for treating its employees like human beings, has taken dickheadedness to new and exciting heights heretofore undreamed in the long and storied annals of corporate douchebaggery.
Joseph Casias was fired for violating Wal-Mart’s drug policy by using marijuana.
Was he toking up in the Wal-Mart?
No, it turned up in a blood test after he was injured at work.
Aha! Well, cannabis use is against policy.
Mr. Casias used marijuana for medical reasons.
No doubt. Did he get it for chronic insomnia?
Yeah, that–along with inoperable brain and sinus cancer.
. . .
A story so bathed in pathos would give almost pause to almost any other corporate juggernaut–even the most despicable and black-hearted. But the Great Beast Wal-Mart is not simply any corporate juggernaut; it is an entity unto itself and unlike anything known to man. Wal-Mart divested itself of compassion along with high prices a long time ago. The only time pathos can expect notice from Wal-Mart is when it comes with a price tag.
Wal-Mart said it had no plans to rehire Mr. Casias, but that it wished him the very best, from the bottom of its black and kitten skull-encrusted heart.
Impressed By Wal-Mart's Indifference To Human Suffering
Never before has douchebaggery been offered at such a low, low price: FOXNews.com – Wal-Mart ‘Sympathetic’ to Man Fired for Using Medical Pot, but Won’t Rehire Him.
17 Wednesday Mar 2010
Posted in International Relations, Justice, Middle East, Military, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs
Tags
Afghanistan, corrupt Afghan despot, corruption, Hamid Karzai, ingratitude, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, Pakistan, Pakistani forces, secret meetings, Taliban, treachery, United States of America, US Intelligence
The election-rigging, opponent-intimidating, undemocratic yet American-backed president of Afghanistan is all wound up by the capture of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar by Pakistani forces aided by US intelligence. It was revealed that Karzai was engaging in secret talks with the high-ranking Taliban official. After this incident, Karzai is afraid that the Taliban will forever regard him as a big jerk.
Karzai: Hurt Feelings Resulted From The Capture Of The Enemy With Whom He Was Secretly Meeting
You knew Karzai was corrupt, but did you know he was a treacherous ingrate? Well, read this anyway: Aide: Karzai ‘Very Angry’ at Taliban Boss’ Arrest – Afghanistan | Map | War – FOXNews.com.
16 Tuesday Mar 2010
Posted in Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, National Politics, Politics, Scandal
Tags
Andrew Young, Blago, Cheri Young, contempt of court, douchebaggery, Eliot Spitzer, Elizabeth Edwards, Game Change, Gary Hart, GQ photo spread, John Edwards, John Edwards sex tape, Judge Abraham Penn, National Enquirer, political leper, political pariah, Rielle Hunter, Rod Blagojevich, Spiro Agnew, superior court
Ex-John Edwards aide Andrew Young has been ordered by Superior Court Judge Abraham Penn to return all copies of a sex tape allegedly made by Edwards and his mistress, Rielle Hunter. Failing this, Young and his wife Cheri face jail for contempt of court.
It’s hard to have sympathy for any of the players in this sad drama–certainly not the Youngs, who are accused of holding extra copies of the sex tape, nor for the ostensible victims, Edwards and Hunter.
Edwards: Not Always A Political Leper
Edwards, who came close to capturing the vice presidency in 2004, has since then systematically shredded every last vestige of his reputation, and sent his once-promising political career spiralling wildly beyond Gary Hart territory, finally settling in the land of posterity’s bottom-feeders, featuring the likes of Spiro Agnew and future Trivial Pursuit answers Rod “Blago” Blagojevich and Eliot Spitzer. According to Game Change, Edwards was so self-deluded even after being outed as Hunter’s babydaddy by a supermarket tabloid, the pretty North Carolinian was still angling to be Obama’s Attorney General.
Edwards’ decision to make a sex tape with Hunter, let alone allowing it to fall out of his possession, is a course of action so decidedly reckless and even stupid that it begs the question: Did Edwards sabotage himself intentionally?
It’s doubtful–Edwards appears to be divorced from reality. What does remain open to debate is the question, to what degree? Despite all the storms Edwards has weathered in the past two years, the former senator remains capable of Herculean feats of self-deception, even if increasingly he can’t fool much of anybody else. Most recently, he’s taken his act to Haiti, vowing to help the Haitians as only John Edwards can. Presumably, this means suing the manufacturers of faulty swimming pool pumps. If this is the indeed the case, the Haitian swimming pool supply industry may need to apply for some of the international relief funds which continue to pour into Haiti: Edwards may be cheap, but his bill won’t be.
Rielle Hunter might be the most interesting player in this drama, not only for her role as a future footnote in the annals of history, but also for both for many lives she’s lived– among them actress, a savvy videographer who could make YouTube work for political candidates, game-show contestant, fraud victim and the inspiration for a literary character. Perhaps her ability to reinvent herself is what Edwards saw in her in the first place. Like Hunter, Edwards is a chameleon, in which the search for identity is life’s meaning.
Hunter is shedding her most recent skin for GQ. Painted for so long as “the other woman,” Hunter wants to show the world the kind of wholesome gal she is.
Hunter: Tasetful GQ "Spread"
Young, Edwards’ former lickspittle and author of the recent political tell-all The Politician, wants us to know that he was a pawn in something beyond his ken. Edwards was a Rasputin, Young would have us believe, and caught his innocent aide in the web of his machinations. It was for those reasons–loyalty, esprit de corps, hero-worship–that Young humiliated his own family by claiming to be the father of Rielle Hunter’s child. Sadder yet, it appears this deception fooled no one, except perhaps for Elizabeth Edwards.
At first it seemed that Cheri Young’s only wrongdoing was exercising poor choice in agreeing to marry Andrew Young. When most of the public knew that Edwards was almost certainly the father of Hunter’s child, it was still possible to pity the humiliated Cheri when her husband ridiculously claimed to be the father of Hunter’s child. With the potential contempt charges hanging over Cheri as well as her husband, it appears that the wronged wife has at least a little of the grifter in her. In this, she’s found herself in welcome company.
Young: Claims Not To Be A Sneering Ass
Currently, the bizarre quartet comprising Edwards, Hunter and the Youngs is now split into two very distinct–and opposing–camps. Promethean Times predicts that in a few short years, when the money’s run out and the notoriety isn’t enough even to keep the National Enquirer interested, what is now two will most likely be four.
Elizabeth Edwards: Hard To Believe John Would Go Outside The Marriage For Sex
10 Wednesday Mar 2010
Posted in Commercials, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Justice, Movies, People, Television
Tags
cocaine, E-Trade, E-Trade commercial, Flower of American Skankhood, hos, ladies of easy virtue, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Lohan lawsuit, Lohan sues, skankery, skanks, sluts, tramps
Because cocaine isn’t cheap.
Lindsay Lohan, Flower of American Skankhood and tabloid headline regular, claims she’s been dishonored by a recent E-Trade commercial. Team Lohan maintains that E-Trade used her “likeness, name, characterization and personality” without permission.
The offending commercial:
While it’s true that most reasonable people would be horrified to be in any way associated with these E-Trade grotesqueries, it’s not clear that the use of the name “Lindsay” was intended to imply any connection with Ms. Lohan. The infant in the commercial could be any skank named Lindsay.
Team Lohan will no doubt respond with the trenchant counter that prior to Ms. Lohan’s use of the name, “Lindsay” was associated with virtue. Now the name is linked inextricably not only to skanks, but also to sluts, hos, tramps, ladies of easy virtue and the like. Ms. Lohan will therefore contend that any unflattering or mocking depiction of a “Lindsay” is a direct and intentional use of the former child-star’s image.
What Might Have Been
Regardless of the lawsuit’s outcome, there are already plenty of losers. A generation of young women looks up to Lindsay Lohan, and to those women–the skanks of tomorrow–this news will no doubt come as a heavy blow. But like the spunky strumpet they idolize, this junior varsity Jersey Shore will no doubt face the coming challenges with characteristic élan. Look for them and you will find them: lifting up their shirts for a stranger’s camera, dressing like hookers to piss off Daddy, and that old chestnut–getting a mammoth, butterfly design tramp stamp which reads CLASSY LASSY.
Lindsay may be down for the moment, but the Sisterhood of Skank soldiers on.
05 Friday Mar 2010
Posted in Asia, Christianity, Europe, History, Islam, Justice, Middle East, Military, Political Correctness, Politics, Religion, World Affairs
Tags
1915, Armenia, Armenian Genocide, Armenian Holocaust, genocide, House Committee on Foreign Affairs, Islam, Islamic Republic, massacre, Muslim, Ottoman Empire, pogrom, Turkey, Turkish, Turks, United States of America, US Ambassador
Despite pleas from the Obama Administration, the House Committee on Foreign Affairs has voted to label Turkey’s 1915 pogrom against Armenians as a genocide.
From a strategic standpoint, this is madness. The Turks have already made clear their feelings on the issue, and to persist in this course risks alienating our closest Muslim ally (Turkey, it should be noted, is a model among predominately Muslim nations for its staunchly secular government). Moreover, the raising of this issue now risks undermining recent overtures between Turkey and Armenia.
Conversely, Turkey’s argument is that the 1915 massacres did not constitute a genocide, claiming that the death statistics have been exaggerated. While that is indeed very likely, it is a specious argument. A genocide is both a deliberate and a systematic elimination of a people. It is a crime of intent, and the relative size of the body count doesn’t matter.
Turkey Shoot Here: Turkey recalls ambassador after US vote on Armenia ‘genocide’ – Times Online.
Promethean Times 