05 Monday Dec 2011
For those who’ve yet to take their fill of those innumerable, thrill-a-minute Republican debates, comes the exciting news that Donald Trump will be moderating the December 27th affair.
The Donald Is Known For Bringing Panache And Glitz To Humdrum Events, And The Republican Debate Will Be No Exception. "This Will Be A Classy Affair," Says Trump, "People Who Witness It Will Be Crapping Out Class For Weeks Afterward."
02 Friday Dec 2011
Tags
Barack Obama, community organizer, Danny Glover, Democratic Party, DNC, Hawaii, imaginary racism, Mitt Romney, Mormons, presidential election, racism, socialist, United States of America, Vladimir Lenin
The Only Western Nation To Elect A Black President Is Still Quite Racist, Apparently.
In 2008, Barack Obama’s supporters did something previously unseen in American presidential politics–they made race an issue in the election. Recognizing that America’s long-standing racial guilt could easily be played upon, supporters of the then-presidential candidate were quick to paint any criticism of their guy with the tag of racism.
Socialism was one of the first terms to be so racially tinged. Obama’s supporters successfully convinced a very-willing press that the word implied blackness, despite most Americans not being able to name a single black socialist, with the possible exception of former actor and high school graduate Danny Glover. Likewise, partisans have managed to attach racial import to the term ‘community organizer,’ Obama’s primary leadership position before assuming the mantle of Leader of the Free World–this despite the ignorance of most Americans as to what a community organizer is in the first place. These tactics were so successful that to this day, any opposition to the president’s policies evokes cries of racism from some quarters.
It's Racist To Call Obama A Socialist. However, It Is Also Racist To Suggest That All The Really Great Socialists Have Been White.
With the 2012 election approaching, Democratic strategists are hard at work to devise new English (and perhaps some Spanish) words that evoke the secret racism of Obama’s opponents. Although “community organizer” and “socialist” should still have some traction, new and innovative racism-indicators will be required if this advantage is to be maintained.
There have been some successes. Although the DNC has yet to release any of 2012’s racially tinged words, well-placed observers have confirmed a handful of the new terms. Among them are “state senator,” “Hawaiian” and “shitty president.”
He Wants You To Know That The Term 'Flip-Flopper' Is Code For 'Mormon.'
30 Wednesday Nov 2011
Tags
Allah, bunched panties, censorship, Charlie Hebdo, Christians, France, Islam, Jews, Muhammad, muslims, no sense of humor, Paris, religious intolerance, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, the French
Arrogant, You Knew. Dirty, You Knew. But Bravely Committed To The Ideals Of Free Speech?
It sounded like a great idea: invite Islam’s premier prophet to guest edit a French humor magazine. The editors of French Satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo had long sought to entice the Prophet Mohammed to bring his singular wit and warm sense of humor to their magazine. Charlie Hebdo’s editors were ecstatic when Mohammed agreed to a guest editorship, but what no one could have expected was that things would quickly turn deadly.
What's Everybody Getting So Upset About? It Looks Like A Penis In A Chef's Cap. . .Oh, God--Please Don't Kill Us.
Although impossible to foresee, the Prophet’s selection proved controversial. Charlie Hebdo’s editors expressed surprise at the outrage, claiming that Mohammed’s selection was to celebrate the victory in Tunisia by an Islamist party during the so-called ‘Arab Spring.’ Further, in a move the magazine staff was sure would delight Muslims worldwide, they decided to honor the Prophet on their cover, depicting him in cartoon saying, ‘100 lashes if you’re not dying of laughter.’
This Disturbing Image Is Insensitive To Muslims! Not That It Matters, But We Suppose It's Also Offensive To Satanic Crusaders And Filthy Jews.
Surprisingly, the Islamic community was not entirely amused. Although known for being an easy-going and tolerant religion, some Islamists reacted to the Prophet’s guest-editor stint with uncharacteristic rage. Charlie Hebdo received a number of threats on various social networking sites, but no one took seriously the notion that an adherent of Islam would commit violence in the name of Allah.
If You Want To Mock Christian Figures--Including Their God, Knock Yourself Out--The Worst You Need Fear Is A Stern Talking-To.
Amazingly, that’s just what happened. Charlie Hebdo‘s Paris offices were destroyed by a petrol bomb. Even now, weeks later, a stunned world is still trying to make sense of this. Some so-called ‘experts’ have opined that the violence was the work of radical Muslims, who are sometimes known to be touchy about depictions of the Prophet. Promethean Times disagrees. Whoever the vandals are, they’re more likely to be angry Christians or Jews. If there’s one thing we know about Muslims, it’s that they can take a joke.
"I Don't Get It."
01 Tuesday Nov 2011
Tags
Adolf Hitler, black people, G. K. Butterfield, G. K. Butterfield is actually black!, hypocrisy, it's the mustache, North Carolina, racial identification, racism, tiresome Hitler comparisons
Would you be racist if you were to say this dude looks kinda looks like an older, fatter Hitler?
Racist? The Hitler Thing Is Tiresome, But It's Hardly Racist.
But wait just a moment! This gentleman is Rep. G. K. Butterfield of North Carolina, a member of the Congressional Black Caucus–he’s African-American. That’s right–you just compared a black guy to Adolf Hitler, you filthy racist.
"Hey Bud, You Wanna Hang Out Sometime?"
25 Tuesday Oct 2011
Tags
9/11, al Qaeda, anti-semitism, Axis of Evil, comical despots, George W. Bush, Holocaust, inside job, Iran, Israel, jealousy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is batshit crazy, Pearl Harbor, places that suck, Saddam Hussein, Saddam totally did it, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, The Great Satan, Twin Towers, United States of America, Yakov Smirnoff
Ahmadinejad Resembles Comedian Yakov Smirnoff, But The Similarities End There: The Iranian President Is Actually Quite Funny.
Tiny nutjob Mahmoud Ahmadinejad can always be counted on to publicly propound a plethora of preposterous political theories and irresponsible historical revisionism. Over the years, Iran’s pint-sized potentate has kept his many apologists busy explaining away such bellicose assertions as “Israel must be wiped off the map,” and tired claims that the Holocaust is a Jewish fiction. Ahmadinejad’s statements regarding the events of September 11th, 2001, the catalyst for the United States’ War on Terror, have left his defenders scrambling, and have unexpectedly invited criticism from within the Axis of Evil.
Like so many others before him, Ahmadinejad likes to make hay with the idea that the horrific events of September 11th, 2001 were an inside job. This theory has gained some traction among the mouth-breathing element of the population, embarrassingly eager to believe George W. Bush the evil genius behind the sinister machinations. Promethean Times has long asserted that the actual culprit behind the Twin Tower Attacks was the nefarious Saddam Hussein.
Sooner Or Later, Everything Turns Out To Be An Inside Job.
Jewish groups have long met with opprobrium Ahmadinejad’s anti-Semitic rants and repeated calls for the destruction of Israel, but now factions within the Islamofascist community have begun to chafe under Ahmadinejad’s comments. It seems that the boys in al Qaeda–Ahmadinejad’s erstwhile allies in despising anything Western or fun–have a bone to pick with the pint-sized Persian.
The feared international terrorist organization has grown weary of Ahmadinejad’s constantly blaming the United States for the events of 9/11. Al Qaeda wants to make it very clear, that they–and not a sinister cabal within the United States–planned and executed the tragedy. Al Qaeda claims that the Iranian president–who most observers agree would piss himself to inflict upon the Great Satan just a tenth of what al Qaeda was able to achieve– is deliberately misattributing their historic actions to an internal American plot for no reason other than simple jealousy.
Let's Give Credit Where Credit Is Due.
21 Friday Oct 2011
Tags
Bruno Hauptmann, Charles Lindbergh, Charles Lindbergh Jr., corporate welfare, fatcats, feudalism, Krauts, Lindbergh Baby, Lindbergh Kidnapping, meow!, patsies, Wall Street
Recent revelations prove conclusively that famed kraut patsy Bruno Hauptmann–who maintained his innocence until his execution in 1936–was unjustly convicted in the infamous Lindbergh Baby Case.
"Restore Feudalism Or The Baby Dies!"
12 Wednesday Oct 2011
Tags
bling, Central Park, hip-hop, Kanye West, lip-service, New York, Occupy, Sex Pistols, the wealthy are just plain evil, Wall Street, Why am I so stupid?
Hip-hop megastar-cum-supergenius Kanye West lends some sober dignity and political gravitas to the Occupy photo-op.
Kanye, Seen Here Shortly After Landing His Bling-Encrusted Private Jet In Central Park, Wants To Encourage Other Gazillionaires To Follow His Example By Paying Lip-Service.
07 Friday Oct 2011
Tags
Africa, African famine, Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Budweiser, butterface, death by drowning, debt crisis, Democrats, Europe, great white shark, headlines, hos, Indiana, living in a van down by the river, Matt Foley, Mississippi, online dating, perverts, pizza, Poltergeist, prostitution, Republicans, reset button, skunky beer, Somalia, South Korea, Tanzania, tapeworms, TV for idiots, Two and a Half Men, United States of America, vegans, Vermont, White House, you're welcome
Well, Bless Their Hearts.
Seoul to Introduce Female-Only Subway Cars
Early Adversity, Adult Misery: How Small Events Trigger Depression
Suspect arrested while trying to bail out ally
Bill Clinton, on his 65th birthday, has gone vegan
Like You’d Do Any Differently In His Position.
Exposed coffins, destroyed homes in Vt. town
Deportation policy angers bloggers
Tradition forces girls into prostitution
Why Do Republicans Love Pizza?
Beachgoers in Venice Rescue Stranded Great White Shark
Avez-Vous Des Remerciements? Non? Ah, C’est La Vie.
Indiana State Fair stage collapse claims sixth victim
Somalis Rip Aid Donors for ‘Failing’ Famine Victims
Online dating? Why no one wants you
It’s Like Putting Fancy Rims On A ’78 Pacer.
President Obama goes for a reset on jobs
Ashton Kutcher’s second ‘Two and a Half Men’ episode: Do we still care?
White House Future Is Now, Many Republicans Conclude
The Most Highly-Prized Locale For The Van-Dweller Is, Of Course, Down By The River.
Tanzania: Horror As 180 People Perish in Ferry Accident
Why I Don’t Drink Budweiser…and Why I’m Not Alone
How Did the Robot End Up With My Job?
How this strange African fruit is making Americans skinny.
Proper Sanitation And Hygiene Save Lives.
See Also:
29 Thursday Sep 2011
Tags
Donald Trump, Elena Kagan, GOP, Gov. Chris Christie, Jabba the Hutt, Republicans, Salacious Crumb, Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding, the Donald, Why am I so fat?
The Infant Was Snatched From His Hand Just Before This Picture Was Taken.
Republicans are giddy with the rumors that famed intergalactic crimelord Jabba the Hutt is mulling a bid for their party’s nomination. Although the gelatinous gangster denies the rumors, supporters say that Jabba’s no-nonsense approach to fiscal policy, proven opposition to smugglers and fanatical hatred of unions puts him in good stead with the conservative elite. Moreover, Jabba’s backers contend that although he is a grotesquely bloated slug with comically vestigial limbs, he’s still both more appealing and electable than Donald Trump.
"Plus, He's Got Better Hair."
09 Friday Sep 2011
Tags
Alaska, Michael Palin, Monty Python, outright lies, Russia, Sarah Palin, Tea Party, true facts, Wasilla
Although It Afforded A Great View Of Russia, Palin Left Wasilla To Seek His Fortune In Dreary Old England.
As famous as she is, most people aren’t aware that Tea Party centerfold Sarah Palin gets her wonderful sense of humor from her dad, Monty Python genius Michael Palin.
Promethean Times 